


i'd rather be a riot than indifferent

by splendidlyimperfect



Series: the only hope for me is you [7]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cults, FTLGBTales, Freed's parents are dicks, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Gray and Freed are best friends, Homophobia, Hospitalization, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Health Issues, Nonbinary Character, One Big Family, Other, Religious Fanaticism, Summer Camp, Trans Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-04-14 16:26:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 68,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14139915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splendidlyimperfect/pseuds/splendidlyimperfect
Summary: It's been ten years since Freed ran away from their family. After a coming-out gone wrong, they fled their religious commune and traveled over two thousand miles to start a new life in Magnolia.Now Freed is twenty-six, living with their boyfriend Laxus and working at the Pride Center to help kids like them. Freed has friends, a degree, and a chosen family who love them for who they are. Things seem perfect, until an unexpected visitor shows up on their doorstep, and it forces them to face the life they left behind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SnowfallBreeze (friendlyneighborhoodfairy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/gifts).



> Well, I fell in love with my nonbinary Freed from 'crash & burn', and friendlyneighborhoodfairy encouraged me to write a spinoff slash sequel! I want to say that Freed's journey in exploring their gender identity is very similar to mine, and as such that is all I can speak to. Gender identity is such a personal experience, so I'm only able to write what I know. :) 
> 
> This story is set five years after the end of 'crash & burn' (two years after the epilogue). 
> 
> Title from 'This Means War' by Marianas Trench
> 
> Enjoy!

The windchime at the front of the Pride Center rang as the door flew open, and Freed looked up from the desk to see a harried-looking Ryos standing there.

“I’m here, sorry.” Ryos sighed, shifting baby Ava on his hip while Kiya hid behind him, clutching at his jeans. Ryos nudged her inside gently, letting the door close behind him. “I swear I was finally going to be on time for once, but then Levy called and apparently her and Gajeel both forgot that each other were working _again_ , so guess who got roped into babysitting?”

“No worries,” Freed said, smiling at the kids. “We’re not on a schedule.” 

“Don’t pretend you don’t love watching these two.” Gray appeared from the back room, carrying a box of leaflets and setting them on the table. He crouched down, smiling at the Kiya, who was still hiding behind Ryos’ legs. “Hey, Kiya! How’s my sweet pea?”

Freed watched with amusement as Kiya’s face instantly transformed from apprehensive to thrilled as she launched herself across the room and into Gray’s arms.

“Gay!” Kiya shouted, knocking him over. “Hi, Gay!”

Freed laughed, reaching out to take Ada as Ryos dropped his bag on the floor next to the desk. Ryos pulled his hair back out of his face, fastening it with one of the many rainbow-colored elastics he had wrapped around his wrist.

Ada gazed up at Freed curiously, and they returned the look with raised eyebrows. Babies were strange. Freed had never been particularly interested in children, but their friendship with Gray had introduced Freed to a multitude of them. Freed had determined that kids weren’t that bad – as long as they could be given back to their parents at the end of the day.

 “She’s not wrong.” Ryos snorted at Kiya’s excited squeals of Gray’s name, reaching out and taking Ada back from Freed.

“Not the first kid to call me that,” Gray said good-naturedly, pushing himself back to standing and lifting Kiya onto his hip. “Hey, no touching that.” He guided Kiya’s fingers away from his earring, courtesy of Ever and her apprenticeship at the tattoo shop. Kiya ran her hands down the stubble on Gray’s jaw instead, giggling.

“Looks like she thinks you need to shave, too,” Freed commented, smiling at Gray. The three of them moved from the front entrance into the common room of the Pride Center.

“Eh, I was just trying it out,” Gray said, bopping Kiya’s nose and setting her down on the ground. She ran over to the coffee table and grabbed a coloring book. Nobody was there at the moment – the youth group that Freed and Ryos co-hosted wasn’t until later that evening – but the three of them had been getting together to plan the summer camp. “Natsu’s not back for another week,” Gray added, “so I’ll probably get rid of it before then. He doesn’t like beards.”

“How’s he doing up there?” Freed settled down on the couch and Gray flopped into the corner, kicking his feet up across Freed’s legs. “It’s still smoky here, didn’t they have an air quality warning today?”

“Mm,” Ryos agreed. “The preschool couldn’t go out for recess. Have you talked to Natsu?”

Gray sighed. “We talked last night,” he said. “He’s alright, they’ve got pretty much every firefighter in the province out there. Almost all of Fort McKay’s been evacuated – he said most of it’s just... gone.” Gray fiddled with his wedding band anxiously. “He’s just so tired and emotional.”

“I can’t imagine,” Freed murmured, rubbing Gray’s leg sympathetically. Natsu had been gone for almost two weeks now, ever since the fires had started and his squad had been called up with barely a day’s notice. “How are _you_ doing?”

“Worried and lonely,” Gray admitted as Ryos settled on the couch next to Freed and bounced Ada on his knee. “I’m spending the weekend with Ultear and the kids, which seems like a good idea right now, but I might regret it by Sunday evening.”

“Good lord, that’s gonna be busy.” Ryos pulled his finger out of Ada’s mouth, inspecting his nail polish for teeth marks. “How was the robotics expo?”

“Amazing,” Gray replied, immediately lighting up. “Sylvie got first in her grade, of course, but she was sad that Uncle Natsu wasn’t there to see her – he helped her build her project. Renaud had his gymnastics competition yesterday, too.”

“How do you keep track of all this stuff?” Freed marveled. Organizing the summer camp was a huge endeavor, but it seemed to pale in comparison to the scheduling gymnastics Gray and Natsu had to do to accommodate their various nieces and nephews – biological and otherwise. One more reason Freed was certain that they and Laxus were never having kids.

“We have a color-coded calendar in the kitchen,” Gray admitted, rubbing his face. “It’s kind of ridiculous, but it works. I’m glad _we_ don’t have kids, but... it’s different with these guys.” He stuck his tongue out at Kiya, who giggled and brought him her drawing. Gray took it with a smile, then turned to Ryos. “Speaking of adopted nephews, how’s school?”

“I am not-” Ryos sputtered indignantly, and Gray laughed.

“You’re definitely an adopted nephew.”

“I’m _twenty_ ,” Ryos grumbled, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “And school’s fine. University’s so much different than high school. But, um, I auditioned for the theatre club and got in. We’re doing ‘We Will Rock You’ this year.”

“Natsu will have to see that,” Gray said. “He loves Queen. When do tickets go on sale?”

“Oh...” Ryos blushed, ducking his head. “You don’t have to...”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Freed argued. “Of course we’ll all come.”

Ryos smiled shyly. “It’s, um, at the end of May,” he said, pulling out his phone and swiping through the calendar. “I can send you the poster when it comes out.” He fidgeted a bit in his seat, and Gray gave him a look.

“You got the lead, didn’t you?” Gray asked. Ryos couldn’t help a small smile, and Gray grinned, sitting up and reaching over Freed to pull Ryos into a sideways hug. Freed joined in, wrapping an arm around Ryos’ shoulders. “We’re so proud of you.”

“Ironically, my voice got low enough that I was worried I couldn’t hit Freddie Mercury’s high notes,” Ryos admitted, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands. “I’ve been working with a voice coach which has been... weird. I had to explain... everything to him. The testosterone and stuff. But he was actually pretty cool.”

“How’d that feel?” Freed asked, smiling down at Kiya as she played with the ripped edges of their shoes.

“It’s getting easier,” Ryos admitted, shifting Ada in his arms again. She made a sleepy noise and grabbed at his sweater with her chubby hands. “There’s still always that... terror. Like being on top of a rollercoaster about to drop down.”

“Mm.” Freed sympathized. Explaining their pronouns to new people was always terrifying.

“Sorry, I’m out of my depth, I’m just here to provide hugs,” Gray said. Freed laughed, leaning into Gray’s shoulder.

“Hugs!” Kiya ran back to the couch, fingers covered in crayon marks, and threw herself onto Gray’s chest. She looked over at Freed, brow furrowed.

“You sad?” she asked. Then she peered closely at Freed’s face and smiled. “I like your ring.” She pointed to the septum piercing that Ever had talked them into – she had convinced nearly all of their group of friends to get a piercing (or more than one) so she could practice. Natsu had been thrilled.

“Thank you,” Freed said, smiling. 

“Un’ca Ryos says you’re not a boy _or_ a girl,” Kiya said, eyes serious. Ryos immediately looked uncomfortable and tried to apologize, but Freed waved it off. They were used to kids being curious, and Ryos wasn’t wrong.

“That’s right,” they said, letting Kiya crawl into their lap. “I’m just Freed.” Kiya considered Freed for a moment, then grinned.

“Okay,” she said simply, leaning forward and resting her head on Freed’s shoulder in a half-hug. Then she sat up and turned to Gray eagerly. “Park?” she asked, bouncing up and down.

“We have some work to do here, sweet pea,” Gray said apologetically, but Freed shook their head, waving it off.

“It can wait,” they said, squeezing Gray’s hand and releasing it, then lifting Kiya up as they stood. “I’ll get Tyler to come upstairs and watch the front desk. Why don’t we walk to Starbucks and then go to the park? We can talk a bit there while she plays, but honestly, my brain is fried today anyway.”

“Park!” Kiya shouted, squirming out of Freed’s arms and running toward the door. Ryos followed her, cradling Ada to his chest. “Park! Park!” Kiya paused, frowning. “There’s a person.” Ryos looked up through the screen door and smiled.

“Hello! Can we help you? Would you like to come in?” There was muffled response from outside and Ryos shook his head. “Sorry, we don’t have an Amanda working here.”

Freed froze. Gray immediately stood up, touching their elbow, but they just stared at the door, eyes wide.

“Well, that’s private, I can’t give out personal information.” Ryos glanced over at Freed and frowned.

 _It can’t be her,_ Freed though desperately. _How did she find me?_ Freed felt warmth flush across their face as they covered their mouth. Gray pressed his hand against their lower back, but Freed stepped away from him, the closeness suddenly too much. Before they could change their mind, Freed moved toward the door, gesturing for Ryos to move Kiya out of the way.

“There you are, Amanda!” A middle-aged woman stood at the door – a familiar stranger that Freed had never expected to see again. The woman looked delighted, and Freed had no idea why. “This man said you didn’t work here!”

Freed swallowed heavily, still not opening the door, arms crossed self-consciously over their stomach. After a moment, they found their voice.

“That’s because _Amanda doesn’t_ work here,” they said as firmly as possible. “What do you want, mom?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sixteen-year-old Freed is forced into coming out to their parents and it doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for homophobic/transphobic language and physical violence.
> 
> Also, I don't have a hate-on for religion in general, it's extremist views that make me angry.

**Ten Years Ago**

“You’re…a _what?”_

Freed kept their gaze trained on the table in front of them, avoiding their mother’s disapproving stare. Everything in their body screamed _deny it, keep quiet_ , but they forced themself to take deep breaths and tell the truth.

“N-non-binary.” Their voice wobbled as they picked at their cuticles, hands hidden under the table. Freed’s stomach twisted, and they were fairly certain they were going to be sick. “I don’t feel… like I’m a boy _or_ a girl. Just…”

“Like one of those transvestites.” Freed winced at their dad’s words, spat angrily from the other end of the table. “You are a _girl_ _.”_

“Dad, I…” Freed swallowed, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. This wasn’t how they wanted to do this – they weren’t ready. But dad had come into their room half an hour ago with a dangerous glint in in his eyes and the words _I’m not stupid, Amanda, I know how to check the browser history_ on his tongue. Freed had realized with a sinking stomach that they’d forgotten to log out of the LGBT support forum they’d been posting on. “It’s not… I’m not a boy.”

“Of course you’re not!” Freed’s mother’s voice was high and shrill, and Freed could see her hands clasped tightly in front of her. “I can’t believe we thought it was a good idea to let you use the internet. You’re… you’re grounded. Give me your phone right now.”

“Mom…” Freed’s heart stuttered, eyes finally flicking up to meet their mother’s. Her gaze was steely and unforgiving. “It’s… this isn’t… I didn’t do anything _wrong_.” Tears started to form in the corners of Freed’s eyes and they wiped at them angrily.

“Associating with these kinds of people has poisoned your mind,” their father announced. He brought his hands down on the table and Freed refused to look at him. “All of this… sin… goes against our family values, and against the values of our church. I expected better of you.” Freed winced.

“I th-thought that love was unconditional,” Freed whispered. “I’m not… a sinner, or a heretic. I’m still _me,_ I just… I’m not a girl. I’m...”

“I don’t want to hear any more of this nonsense,” their father growled. “You’re not to communicate with these people any longer. We’re going to see Father Samuel tomorrow, and you’re going to pray for forgiveness for these thoughts.”

“They’re not _thoughts_ , it’s who I _am!”_ Freed shouted, immediately regretting the outburst but unable to stop themself. “You can’t tell me to change who I am. I’m not doing-”

“Young lady, that is _ENOUGH_.” Their father’s voice was hard and angry, and Freed flinched back into their chair, trembling. “I’m not going to be the laughingstock of the community. You are going to give your phone and laptop to your mother, then remain in your room until we call you. You’ll be coming back to school here, where we can keep an eye on you.”

“Dad, _please_ , no…” Freed was crying openly now, hands over their mouth. They had spent _months_ convincing their parents to let them transfer to a school in the city instead of on the commune, insisting that the school’s bilingual program would be good for them. Being able to go to school with people who weren’t steeped in transphobic religious doctrine was the only thing that had been keeping Freed sane over the past few years.

“All of these outside influences are damaging your spiritual well-being,” their father insisted, moving closer to Freed and placing his hands on the table. He leaned over them, and they shrunk back, arms crossed over their baggy sweater. “Your brother and sister are both upstanding members of the community, but you’ve always been... difficult. That ends _now_.”

“Dad, I-”

Freed was interrupted by a hand across their face that left a stinging imprint across their cheek. The surprise and pain made them yelp, leaning back further in the chair away from their father.

“I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth.” Their father’s face was red with anger. “You will learn to respect my rules and God’s rules. In fact, we’re taking you out of school and sending you to that camp. It worked for that boy Jaden, he came back a nice, normal kid.”

Freed froze, skin crawling. A conversion camp? Was he serious?

“Dad, those places are-”

Another blow across Freed’s cheek, this time breaking the skin when their father’s ring connected with their cheekbone. They cried out, raising a hand to their stinging cheek and shaking under their father’s intense gaze.

“My decision is final. Go to your room and get your laptop and phone. Bring them to your mother.” His voice brooked no argument, but Freed couldn’t move, just took shaky breaths and tried to keep from breaking down completely. “NOW!”

Not wanting to risk another blow, Freed stumbled backward out of the chair and dashed around the kitchen table, making their way up the stairs to their room. They shut the door quietly behind them, standing against it for a moment and panting as tears ran down their cheeks.

 _This isn’t how this was supposed to happen,_ they thought desperately, looking around their room. They tried to slow their quick, panicked breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly until they brought their thoughts under control.

They didn’t have much time. Dad would be coming up the stairs any minute wondering what was taking so long. Freed wrestled with indecision as they locked the bedroom door as quietly as possible, then turned to their closet and eyed the duffel bag there uncertainly. Dax – the moderator of the forum they’d been posting in – had recommended having a bag packed for emergencies. At the time, Freed had scoffed at the idea, not believing that they would ever feel unsafe in their home. Their parents were strict, sure, but their father had _never_ hit them before.

Exhaling sharply, Freed grabbed their laptop from the desk, shoving in into their backpack along with a charger and a blanket. Slipping the backpack over their shoulders, they pulled the duffel bag from the closet, ensuring the small envelope of money was tucked into the side pocket. Standing in the center of the room, Freed took a deep breath, making fists to try to keep their hands from shaking.

“Amanda! Hurry up!” Their father’s voice came from the bottom of the stairs and Freed brought a hand to their mouth, stifling a sob.

“Be right there!” They shouted, trying to keep their voice steady as they made their way over to the window, popping the latch and pushing it open. They took one last look around the room, then slid out the window, dragging the duffel bag out behind them.

Getting down from the roof was simple – the lattice for their mom’s peas rose most of the way up and had solid footholds to scale down. Leaving the yard was the trickier part. They lived on the edge of the commune, and the wooden fence was easy enough to climb over, but Freed had to do it without the neighbors seeing. They slipped into the bushes at the back of the yard, glancing left and right before climbing over the wooden slats and dropping to the ground on the other side.

“Amanda!” Their father’s voice came from the still-open bedroom window, and Freed’s heart stuttered rapidly. “Don’t think you can run away from this! I’m calling the police!”

 _Shit,_ Freed thought, pushing through the thick undergrowth that divided the commune from the busy highway. They just needed to get someone to pick them up, take them... anywhere. Anywhere but here.

After the forest was a steep hill, which Freed scrambled up quickly, and then they were on the shoulder of the highway, cars tearing past at high speeds. Freed’s hands were shaking so badly they could barely hold out a thumb, praying that someone was kind enough to stop.

 _Please,_ they thought, glancing over their shoulder. They expected their father to burst through the underbrush at any moment, cops at his side. Freed shivered, wiping their face desperately with the heel of their palm. _Please, please, I can’t go back. I can’t go to that camp. Jaden came back broken._

Freed was so busy watching behind them that they were startled by a sharp burst of a horn. They turned quickly to see a semi pulling over to the side of the highway. The driver, a large man in his late forties with a thick mustache, gestured for them to get in.

“Th-thank you,” Freed whispered, slipping into the passenger seat and buckling up the seatbelt. They glanced out the window again, wishing the driver would hurry up and pull away.

“Where you headed?” The man asked, adjusting his baseball cap. His radio was tuned to a news station, and Freed resisted the urge to reach over and shut it off.

“A-anywhere,” they said shakily, tucking their hands under their legs. “It... wherever you’re going is fine. It doesn’t matter.” The driver gave them an understanding look, then flicked on his signal and began to pull back onto the highway.

“Running away?” He asked, looking over at Freed who was looking frantically out the window. “From that nutty die-hard religious place?” Freed turned to him, eyes wide in puzzlement. “Yeah, you ain’t the first kid I picked up from there. Sounds like a cult, if you ask me. I mean, I’m a God-fearing Christian myself...” Here he gestured at a rosary dangling from his rearview mirror. “...but that kinda brainwashing ain’t right.” He paused for a moment, changing lanes. “You hungry?”

“Wh... ah...” Freed felt like they couldn’t form sentences, jaw shaking and tongue thick. They were far enough away from the commune now that dad couldn’t just run after them, but the panic was still there. What were they going to do? Where were they going to go?

“Granola bars are in the glove compartment,” the man said, smiling. “Name’s Rick.” He looked at Freed expectantly.

“I’m... um... Freed,” they whispered, using their chosen name for the first time in person. They’d only ever used it on the internet forums before – never even saying it out loud at school. Taking on that identity had been too overwhelming with people they already knew.

“Well, Freed, if you wanna take a nap you go ahead.” Rick reached over and turned the radio to a different station, classic rock now blaring from the speakers. He turned it down a bit and settled himself deeper into his seat. “We got a ways to go ‘fore we get to Duluth.”

Freed nodded. Duluth was over five hours away – a good start. They had no idea where they were going, only that it needed to be far, far away from their parents. They leaned their head against the window, staring out at the snow drifting down over the farmer’s fields.

What the hell were they going to do?

__________

**Three Weeks Later**

“What the – ow, fuck!”

The startled shout jerked Freed from their sleep, and they were immediately aware of a large, unfamiliar hand on their shoulder. They yelped, backing up and hitting their head on a… book shelf? Freed blinked.

“Hey, you okay?” The hand belonged to a tall man with bright blue hair who was staring just to the left of Freed’s shoulder with an expression of concern on his face. A strange-looking birthmark stretched across the man’s face and under his eyes, which were a pale shade of blue. “You scared the shit out of me! The library’s closed, didn’t you hear the announcement?”

Library. Right. It was coming back to Freed now. They had run out of money after the last bus ticket and ended up in some unfamiliar city north of the border. The library had seemed like a safe place to hide, so Freed had found a nook in the back corner where they had hoped they wouldn’t be found.

“Okay, are you unconscious?” Freed frowned at the unusual question as the man shook their shoulder. “I really don’t wanna have to call the police.” His face was kind as he crouched down, still not-quite-looking at Freed.

“Um,” Freed replied, at the man’s face brightened instantly. “I’m… no, I’m fine. Sorry.”

“Thank gods,” the man breathed, squeezing Freed’s shoulder gently and then dropping his hand. “My name’s Bix. I work here, I was just closing up. Did you need me to call you a cab or something?” Freed swallowed, glancing at the backpack propped against the wall beside them. It had been snowing when they’d snuck into this corner, and Freed was sure that their hoodie wouldn’t keep them very warm overnight.

“No, that’s… it’s fine,” Freed replied quietly, using the bookshelf to push themself into a standing position. Bix tilted his head and then followed suit, reaching out to brush his hand along the wall until he found the handle of a red and white cane. _Oh_.

“Are you sure?” Bix looked concerned. “It’s really snowing out there, and the buses only run every half hour.” He turned toward the front of the library and gestured for Freed to follow him.

“I’ll… I can just walk.” Freed felt their breath sticking in their throat, and they squeezed their eyes shut, willing the tears back. This stranger didn’t need to know that they had nowhere to go. It wasn’t his problem. “I’ll be fine.”

“What’s going on?” Bix asked gently, leading Freed into a small office. It was impeccably neat, with books stacked in tidy piles and stacks of paper tucked into wire baskets. A phone sat on the desk next to the computer, but Bix didn’t reach for it. Instead, he sat down in the computer chair, then gestured for Freed to sit on a stool across from him. “What’s your name?”

“F-freed,” they stammered, crossing their arms over their stomach. Even after three weeks of using their new name with whoever they hitchhiked with, it was still terrifying to say it out loud.

“Okay, Freed.” Bix folded up his cane and set it on the desk, then grabbed a coffee mug from next to the computer and took a sip. “Do you have somewhere to go?”

Freed flinched at the question, curling in on themselves and tugging the sleeves of their hoodie over their hands. This had never been part of the plan – although, to be fair, there hadn’t been much of a plan to begin with. Freed was starting to feel desperate, though. Their parents had cut off their phone account, they had no money, and they had been living in the same clothes for weeks, only able to wash them in bathroom sinks.

“Yes?” Freed lied feebly, but the expression on Bix’s face made it clear that he didn’t believe them. They sighed. “No? But that’s… it’s not your problem. I can go.” They shifted uncomfortably on the stool.

“Are you kidding me?” Bix looked offended. “I would never send someone out in that snow. Don’t be ridiculous.” He tapped his fingers on the desk absently. “My roommate is coming to get me pretty quick. I have a couch, you can come sleep there until you figure stuff out. Okay?”

Freed blinked at him, at a loss for words. People had been kind to them on their journey, but not like this.

“B-but… you don’t even _know_ me,” they protested, feeling the tears about to come again. “You can’t even…”

“See you?” Bix smiled at them gently. “You’re right. But you sound like a good person and I like to think I have good instincts. Are you cold?” Freed though about lying, but instead made a soft sound of assent. Bix shrugged off his cardigan and held it out between them, smiling as Freed too it with a quiet _thank you._ “Hungry?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Freed whispered, sniffling as a few tears slipped from their eyes and ran down their cheeks. It felt like all they did was cry, lately.

“What can I say, I’m a nice guy,” Bix replied, grinning. When Freed didn’t respond, Bix’s voice became gentle. “You sound like you’re in trouble. What can I do to help?”

“I don’t... I don’t know,” Freed whispered wetly through their tears, and then it all came tumbling out. “I ran away... my dad hit me and said he was going to send me to one of those... conversion camps and... I panicked and now it’s been three weeks, and I don’t know where I am and... and...” A sob burst out of their throat and they buried their face in their hands.

“Hey, take deep breaths,” Bix said soothingly. “That sounds really awful and scary. How old are you, anyway?”

“S-sixteen,” Freed replied shakily.

“Jesus, and you’ve been travelling by yourself all this time?” Freed nodded, then realized that Bix couldn’t see them.

“Yeah.”

Bix sighed, running a hand over his face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone, tapping the home button.

“Text Ever.”

“What do you want to say?” Siri responded.

“Pick up extra Chinese on your way, I’m bringing a friend.” He set the phone down, then turned back to Freed. “Okay, you’re gonna come stay with us until you get this figured out. We’ve got an office, we can set it up with an inflatable mattress. Maybe the Pride Center can help you out. You said your dad hit you ‘cause you’re gay?” Bix’s voice was incredulous.

“Um... not... gay…” Freed said hesitantly. 

“Whatever you want to call it, I’m not judging,” Bix said quickly, putting his hands in the air. “But I gotta ask the awkward blind person question because your voice isn’t giving me much to go on. Are you a guy or a girl? Sorry, I know that’s weird, I just can’t tell.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Freed said softly, wrapping Bix’s cardigan tighter around themselves. “I’m actually, um, neither.” They fiddled with the sleeves. “Non-binary. Somewhere in the middle, I guess?”

“Huh,” Bix replied, leaning back in his chair. “I didn’t know that was a thing. Cool.”

“I like to... I use ‘they’ and ‘them’ instead of like, ‘she’ or ‘him’,” Freed explained, voice still tentative. They still had a hard time explaining their gender identity to themself, never mind to other people. But Bix seemed to be pretty understanding.

“That’s neat. So that’s what your folks were upset about?” He still seemed incredulous.

“They’re... really religious,” Freed explained, feeling themself slowly relaxing. “I grew up... on this commune. My family is really devout, but it never felt like it fit me.”

“That’s crazy,” Bix said, shaking his head. Suddenly his phone _pinged._

“Ever sent you a new message,” it said. “ _Yeah I got the food be there in five loser._ Would you like to respond?”

“No,” Bix said, turning off the phone. “Let’s go wait at the entrance. Do you need anything, like a toothbrush, or clothes or anything? We can stop on the way back to my place.” He unfolded his cane and navigated to the door, gesturing for Freed to follow him.

“Oh, no, I have... I have a bag, I brought clothes. They’re just not very clean.” Freed’s face flushed red with embarrassment.

“Luckily I have a washing machine,” Bix said, smiling widely as he locked up the office behind them and gestured toward the front door. “Also, Ever is kind of... intense, just a heads up. She’s actually really nice, just comes off kinda abrasive. Don’t take it personally.”

“I won’t,” Freed said softly, clutching their duffel bag to their chest. “Thank you, again. I... you don’t know what this means to me.”

“Not a problem, my friend,” Bix said, leaning against the door. “People have to be good to other people. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

 _I wish my parents believed that,_ Freed thought unhappily. They raised a hand to their cheek – it had bruised enough to raise questions for several days. Freed could still feel the shock and sting of the blows.

A loud car horn broke through Freed’s thoughts, and Bix pushed the door open.

“All right, let’s get outta here,” he said, stepping out into the snow. “You like Chinese food?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming out can really be the worst. :(


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed confronts their mother and their feelings about the unexpected visit. Laxus and their friends comfort them in their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for transphobia, intentional/repeated misgendering, mentions of dysphoria
> 
> This chapter's a bit of a monster and it took me a while to get right. A reminder that Freed's non-binary journey is based on MY journey, and I can't speak for the experiences/feelings/etc of other people.

_“Je peux la faire partir, si tu veux.”_

Gray’s voice was soft – he had moved to stand next to Freed, close but not touching. Freed breathed a soft sigh of appreciation, but shook their head. Gray forcing their mom to leave wouldn’t end well.

 _“Non, laisse-la s’expliquer,”_ they replied. They were a bit curious as to why she was here anyway. Freed turned back to her. “Well? What do you want?”

“Can’t a mother visit her daughter?” Her mother – Karen, as Freed had started thinking of her – gave Freed a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Come, Amanda, be civil.” Freed’s throat tightened and blood rushed to their cheeks. They hadn’t heard that name in a _long_ time, and didn’t want Ryos or Gray to hear it.

“You haven’t talked to me in ten years,” Freed hissed, crossing their arms over their chest and feeling heat travelling down to the back of their neck. “And stop calling me Amanda.” They were proud of how firm their voice was, even though they felt like they were falling apart inside. They turned to Gray and reached out to grab his arm. _“Peux-tu appeler Laxus?”_

“Of course,” he said, darting an angry look at Karen. “Should I – we – stay here?” Freed realized that Ryos was still standing behind them, hand on Kiya’s arm, a puzzled look on his face. Ryos knew that Freed was estranged from their parents, but Freed didn’t talk about them often.

“Please?” Freed said quietly. “I mean, Ryos, if you have to head out with the kids... but Gray, if you wouldn’t mind…” They ran their fingers over their jeans anxiously.

“Whatever you need,” Gray said softly, returning the arm squeeze and pulling out his phone. He moved back into the common area, dialing Laxus’ number. Ryos nodded that he would remain, too, and followed Gray.

“Can I at least come in?” Freed turned back to see that Karen was still standing there, posture exuding irritation and discomfort. She was a short woman with reddish-colored hair, and Freed looked nothing like her.

“No,” Freed replied, voice wavering. “You’re not welcome here.” They swallowed heavily, feeling like they were sixteen again. They were suddenly extremely self-conscious of their appearance – dark skinny jeans, combat boots, unbuttoned collared shirt over a dark tank top. Their mom was certainly going to notice that they were binding – they’d never been particularly flat-chested. They reached up and fiddled with the beanie that covered most of their bright green hair.

“You’re going to make me stand out here?” Karen asked incredulously. “I’ve come all this way!”

“I came all this way _by myself_ when I was sixteen because you watched dad hit me and threaten to send me away.” Freed’s voice was sharp and bitter. “So unless you have a very good reason for bothering me at work, I want you to leave.” Their heart was pounding so loud they were surprised that Karen couldn’t hear it.

“You’re so hostile,” Karen murmured, sighing and adjusting her blazer. “I’ve been looking for you for almost a year.” Freed snorted.

“Almost a year, huh? How about the nine years before that? You didn’t seem to upset about your missing kid then.” The flush was spreading from Freed’s cheeks down their chest, and their hands were shaking so badly they had to make fists to hide it. They’d never expected to see their parents again.

“Well, things change,” Karen retorted. Then her expression softened. “I don’t understand you, but you’re still my-”

“Don’t say daughter,” Freed whispered, almost pleading. “Please, don’t say daughter. I explained it to you already.”

“But you _are_ my daughter!” Freed squeezed their eyes shut, feeling tears building behind them. _I’m not a girl_ , they whispered to themself. _I’m not a girl, I’m not a girl, I’m not a girl._  

Karen sighed. “Fine, you’re my child. Better?” Her voice was laced with irritation, but Freed felt relief at the small victory. “Anyway, your father always says that God encourages forgiveness. You need to put all that business behind you and come have dinner with us.”

Freed blinked in confusion. Their mother expected them to just… _forget_ what had happened? Forget the past ten years? They would never accept Freed this way, in this place, with these friends. Freed had always maintained that there was good in their mother and father, and whenever Laxus spoke ill of them, Freed had defended them, claiming that no matter what they did, they were still their parents. But now, seeing their mother standing on the porch after _ten years,_ all they felt was hostility and anger.

“I don’t _need_ to do anything,” Freed spat, taking a step back from the doorframe. “I’m perfectly happy here without you. I made a life without you. I went to school, got my citizenship, did my masters. I help kids like me all the time here.” They gestured to the sign above the door that read _Magnolia Pride Center_ in rainbow letters. “I have a boyfriend that I love, and great friends…”

Gray reappeared at their side as they trailed off, swallowing heavily.

“Laxus’ll be here soon,” he said in French, placing a gentle hand on Freed’s elbow. He gave a disdainful look out the door, but Karen just cocked her head at him curiously. “Want me to stay with you or wait over there?”

“S-stay,” Freed said quietly. Gray acquiesced, leaving his hand resting on the back of Freed’s arm. They gave him a half-smile, then turned back to Karen. “Why now? It’s been a decade. What do you want?”

Karen sighed, reaching into her purse and pulling out a thick sheet of paper. She went to hand it to them, but when Freed made no move to open the screen door, she shoved it into the mailbox.

“Your brother is getting married,” she said finally. Freed blinked. “He wants you to come. Please have dinner with your father and I and talk about it. We’re all here for a few days.”

Gabriel was getting married? Freed hadn’t seen him since he was fourteen, a gangly boy who religiously attended Bible studies and followed their father’s rules to the letter. Why would he want Freed at his wedding? They’d never been particularly close, even as children.

“I don’t… I need to think about it.” Freed’s voice was small, and Gray pressed his shoulder against theirs comfortingly. “Write your number on the back of the invitation. I’ll call you if I decide to come.” Karen sighed, exasperated.

“Aman-”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” Freed shouted, hands balling into fists. They inhaled shakily, feeling dizzy. Karen recoiled at their angry expression. “My. Name. Is. Freed.” They took a deep breath, trying to exhale the tension that was running through their body. “It’s been Freed for ten years. If you can’t respect that, we have nothing more to talk about.”

The low rumble of a motorcycle thrummed at the end of the street, and relief flooded through Freed’s body. _Laxus was here._

“Fine… Freed…” The word seemed to tumble off of Karen’s tongue uncomfortably, and she made a face. She grabbed the invitation from the mailbox, pulled a pen from her purse, and scribbled a number on it. “There. Please call me. Think of your brother.”

The rumbling slowed down and Freed saw Laxus pull up to the curb behind Karen, popping out the kickstand on his cruiser and tugging off his helmet. He stalked up the sidewalk, giving Freed a fond look through the screen door before looming behind Karen, looking as intimidating as all six and a half feet of him could.

“You want her gone?” He rumbled at Freed, giving Karen an unfriendly look as she turned and stared up at him. She was clearly confused and more than a little frightened.

“Yes,” Freed said this time, feeling exhausted and finished with their conversation. They leaned heavily on Gray, who wrapped an arm around their waist.

“You heard them. Leave.” Laxus’ voice was firm, but Karen looked determined.

“I have the right to speak to my dau-”

“You don’t wanna finish that sentence. Get. Lost.” Laxus took another step closer, snarling down at her. “You don’t have _any_ rights. Freed’s an adult, and if they tell you to get the hell out of their place of work, you do it. If you decide to stick around, Gray’s gonna call the cops and _I’m_ gonna enforce Freed’s wishes.” Karen swallowed, hard. “Now fuck off before I make you regret it.”

Karen appeared to decide that tangling with Laxus was futile, and she backed down the steps, flashing a final look at Freed.

“Please think about what I said,” she pleaded, pulling a set of car keys from her purse. “I hope you call.”

“We’ll see,” Freed replied softly, feeling the tension in their body ease slightly with each step that Karen took toward her vehicle. Once she was in it and pulling away, Laxus darted up to the door, opening it and stepping inside.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, pulling Freed into his arms. They collapsed against his chest, trembling with adrenaline and exhaustion. “Hey, you’re safe now, she’s gone.” Laxus kissed Freed’s temple, large hands running up and down their back as he pressed them tightly to him. “You’re okay. Come sit down, babe.”

Freed let Laxus lead them into the living room, pulling them down onto the couch while keeping both his arms around them. Gray sat down on the floor nearby, glancing over at Ryos, who was settled on the adjacent couch with Ada.

“What the hell did she want?” Laxus looked up at Gray, who waited for Freed to nod before he began to explain the exchange.

Gray’s words ran together and everything around Freed went blurry as they buried their face in Laxus’ chest, trying to take deep breaths. The memory and sensation of their father backhanding them and their mother’s acceptance of it kept playing over and over in their mind. The terror from that day, the fear and the loneliness and sadness and anger seemed to be surfacing again.

_...like one of those transvestites... you’re a girl... poisoned your mind... expected better of you..._

When they’d finally settled in here with Bix, Freed had called their parents, desperately hoping that maybe they’d changed their minds, maybe they were terrified that their child was gone and it had made them realize how precious Freed was to them. Karen had answered, but when she’d realized it was Freed calling, she had paused, then replied with _I don’t know anyone by that name, don’t call here again_. Freed never had.

“What can we do?” Laxus’ voice rumbled through his chest, and Freed started, realizing they were crying. They scrubbed at their face with the back of their hand, embarrassed.

“I just... I don’t know,” they admitted, looking down at Gray and seeing an expression of sympathy and sadness on his face. Freed reached out a hand to him and he grabbed it, squeezing reassuringly. “Can... can someone bring me that invitation, please?” Ryos immediately hopped up and moved to the door, opening it and grabbing the thick paper from the mailbox. He handed it to Freed.

 _God has brought them together, and now  
Mr. and Mrs. Christian Williams  
_ _request the honor of your presence  
_ _at the nuptial mass at which their daughter_

_Sarah Claire Williams_   
_and_   
_Mr. Gabriel Kenneth Justine_

_will be united in the  
_ _Sacrament of Holy Matrimony_

All the relevant details followed – of course it was back in Wisconsin. Freed hadn’t stepped foot in America since they’d run away. There had been many days when they’d been tempted to go back, thought of buying a plane ticket home and hiding this part of them so that their parents would love them again. But those thoughts were in the past... right?

“Do you wanna go home?” For a moment Freed thought Laxus was talking about going back to Wisconsin, and they shuddered. Laxus’ voice was soft, and Freed felt comforted by his hands drawing circles on their shoulder. They leaned into the touch, sighing softly. Laxus was safe. “We can order takeout and watch a movie?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Freed said quietly. They rubbed the thick paper of the invitation between their fingers, trying to sort out the whirling mess of thoughts in their head. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to decide anything right now,” Ryos said, shifting on the couch as Kiya tugged on his sleeve. He handed her his phone. “It says the wedding isn’t until July.”

July? Freed glanced down at the invitation again and swore. July thirteenth – right in the middle of Pride camp.

“That’s....”

“Hey, don’t worry about camp,” Gray said gently as Kiya moved over to him with Ryos’ phone and plopped down in his lap. He ruffled her hair affectionately. “If this is something you decide you want to do, Ryos and I can take care of it. We’ll figure something out.” Kiya grabbed Gray’s finger and directed him to something on the screen.

“I don’t want to go,” Freed said automatically, skin crawling at the idea of going back to that tiny, conservative community. They had seen news articles in the past few years that talked about the rise in LGBT youth being kicked out or sent to conversion camps, and their former home had been referenced more than once. “I’m not going back there. They’re not...”

Freed groaned, dropping their face into their hands. Laxus rubbed their back gently in soothing patterns. The tears were there again, hot and unexpected, and Freed wiped at them in frustration.

“They don’t care about me.” Freed’s words were muffled by their hands. “They hate me. I’m just a... a joke to them, and I haven’t seen Gabriel since he was fourteen, so why would he want me at his wedding? Do they expect me to braid my hair and wear a dress?” Their voice became more hysterical with each question, and Laxus tugged them back to his chest, kissing their forehead.

“I wish I knew what to say,” he said quietly, stroking Freed’s bangs away from their face. “I know what it’s like to have shitty parents, but... well, you know my solution. It isn’t great.”

Freed laughed a bit through their tears. Laxus’ mom had passed away when he was young, and his father had been even more religiously extreme than Freed’s parents. Ivan wasn’t a particularly nice person, and Laxus had finally severed ties with him a few years ago. They’d only spoken twice since then, and after each time, Laxus had been in a terrible mood for days.

“Also,” Gray added quietly, giving Freed an understanding look, “if you did want to wear a dress and braid your hair, that would be just as valid as any other way you choose to dress.”

Freed’s breath caught and the tears came harder, blurring their vision as they looked down at their friend. Gray was the only person besides Laxus who knew about Freed’s struggles with occasionally wanting to dress in more ‘traditionally feminine’ ways – they always felt like it somehow minimized their non-binary identity.

“My dad didn’t get it either,” Ryos added hesitantly, chewing his lip. “He called me his ‘daughter’ until he died. And I always felt like I wasn’t justified in hating him because he wasn’t _hitting_ me or anything, but having someone call you something you aren’t just... chips away at you every day. Like you’re losing pieces of yourself.” He shifted Ada in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry your mom was doing that.”

“Thank you,” Freed murmured, wincing at the thought of her mother calling them _Amanda_. “I never... I didn’t tell anyone that name.”

“That’s because it’s irrelevant,” Laxus said, glaring over at the door as if Karen was going to appear and start insulting people again. “You’re not a girl and you’re not that name. You’re you, and you’re Freed, and that’s all anyone needs to know. Everything else is none of their fucking business.” Freed squeezed Laxus’ hand, leaning their head against his chest. Laxus sighed. “I know I wasn’t always... the best at the... gender stuff.” Laxus’ face flushed red. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like this.”

“Oh, darling,” Freed smiled, remembering the awkward boy they’d met all those years ago. Laxus had certainly come a long way since then. “You’re wonderful and could never make me feel like that. I do want to go home, though.” They sat up, tugging the beanie off their head and undoing the bun underneath, then running their fingers through their hair. “I have to be back in-”

“I’ve got it,” Gray insisted, waving away Freed’s protests. “Ryos and I can handle a bunch of rowdy teenagers, right?” Ryos rolled his eyes, nodding. “Besides, I’m not Skyping with Natsu tonight, he’s on some weird shift rotation, and I love him, but I’m not waking up at three in the morning to talk to him.”

Laxus laughed, shaking his head.

“Alright, babe, let’s go.” Laxus stood from the couch and reached down, helping pull Freed to their feet. They fiddled with the invitation, then handed it to Laxus. He folded it in half and tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket. “You got your helmet?” Freed nodded, gesturing to the front desk.

“Text me if you need anything,” Freed said to Gray and Ryos, who both shook their heads.

“We’ll be fine, get outta here,” Gray insisted, scooping up Kiya and depositing her on the couch. He followed Laxus and Freed to the front door, then nudged Freed, holding out his arms. Freed smiled and stepped into the embrace, resting their head on Gray’s shoulder and breathing deeply. Gray always smelled like a mix of coffee and peppermint – it was reassuring and familiar.

“Thank you,” Freed said, leaning back and smiling. “I might call you later.”

“Anytime,” Gray said, squeezing Freed’s arms and then leaning over to give Laxus a hug as well. Laxus wasn’t generally a physically affectionate person, but he’d opened up enormously to Freed’s friends over the past few years.

“Ah, so you don’t love your husband enough to talk to _him_ at three in the morning, but _my_ partner can call you anytime?”

Laxus raised his eyebrows at Gray, and Gray snorted, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well I don’t have to deal with Freed putting his laundry next to the basket, or leaving the wet dishcloth in the sink, so I have a bit more patience for them.”

Freed rolled their eyes and grinned, then grabbed Laxus’ hand and nodded their head at the door.

“Let’s go home.”

 

* * *

 

“Bix, we don’t have to watch a movie, I kno-”

“Shush.” Bix shook his head at Freed, gesturing in the direction of the living room. He was already in his pyjamas – a pair of flannel pants and a baggy ‘Guns & Roses’ t-shirt – and his blue hair was spiked out in every direction. “Just... no romances. Those are boring to listen to.” He grinned. “Ev, you gonna help me make popcorn?”

“Only so you don’t burn yourself like last time!” Ever was already in the kitchen, reaching into one of the cupboards for the popcorn popper. She placed it in the usual spot – everything had a specific place so that Bix would have an easier time finding things.

Freed had been living with Bix and Ever since they’d come to Canada, and Laxus had decided to move in a couple years ago. There had been some talk Freed and Laxus about getting their own apartment, but all four of them felt so much like family that none of them could imagine leaving.

“How about ‘Pulp Fiction’?” Laxus suggested, and Bix grinned enthusiastically. “That okay, babe?”

“Anything is fine, honestly,” Freed replied, following Laxus into the living room and snuggling up next to him on the couch. They could hear Bix and Ever arguing about whether they should use margarine or butter for the popcorn, but Freed tuned them out and focused on the sound of Laxus’ heartbeat through his sweater. 

“You okay?” He asked, tucking Freed under his arm and gently undoing their bun, then running his fingers through their hair. Freed hummed at the sensation – growing their hair out again was one of the best decisions they’d made.

“No,” they admitted honestly, rubbing their eyes. Exhaustion had settled heavily into their body on the ride home. Most of it came from the confused questions swirling through their head. They hadn’t felt this uncertain since they were sixteen. “What if she’s right?” Laxus made a questioning sound. “My... Karen. What if she’s right? What if I do need to let go and try to make peace with them?”

Laxus didn’t answer right away, but Freed knew that wasn’t because he wasn’t listening. Laxus tended to think things over for a long time before responding.

“I don’t think it’s about whether she’s right or not,” he said finally, looking down at Freed. “It’s about what _you_ want. Do you _want_ a relationship with them?”  

“All I _ever_ wanted was for them to love me,” Freed said, feeling young and vulnerable and on the edge of crying again. “I just... I didn’t want them to hate me. But they wouldn’t even speak to me, for years, and then now they’re showing up just out of the blue, and how did they even _find_ me?” They sighed in frustration.

“How’d who find you?” Bix made his way into the living room with a bowl of popcorn that he held out for someone to take. Laxus accepted it, settling it on his lap, and Bix sat down in the large chair next to the TV. His service dog Baby followed him, sitting down next to the chair and nuzzling him for a treat.

“My parents,” Freed replied. Bix’s expression shifted immediately, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

“Shit, that’s... wow.” Bix nudged Baby. “Go give kisses, Baby. Freed needs some love.” Baby obeyed dutifully, squirming between the couch and coffee table to cuddle up beside Freed. She bumped Freed’s elbow with her nose, licking their hand and resting her chin on their leg. Freed smiled, letting the silky feeling of the dog’s fur comfort them.

“Thank you,” Freed said softly. Bix nodded, pulling his legs up under him until he was cross-legged. He wasn’t a small man, but he managed to make it work.

“So, they just... showed up?” he asked.

“Mmm. At work.”

“Oooh.” Bix whistled. “That must have been fun. Was someone with you, at least? Were they awful? I’m probably asking too many questions, sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Freed tried to inject some levity into their voice, scratching behind Baby’s ears. “Gray and Ryos were there, and it was just... my mother.” Freed had spent so long thinking of Karen as a stranger that it was difficult to call her by anything other than her name.

“She _was_ awful,” Laxus grumbled. “She didn’t respect you at all.” He tossed a few pieces of popcorn in his mouth, then offered one to Freed, who took it, nipping Laxus’ finger gently.

“She doesn’t... know any better, I think?” The words sounded like an excuse as soon as they left Freed’s mouth, and they sighed when Laxus shook his head.

“Look, I was an ass when I first met you, and I deserved every bad name you might have called me,” he argued. Bix raised his eyebrows raise in amusement – he’d been the one that Freed had vented to after their first encounter with Laxus. “And they’re doin’ the same thing, so if they’re being assholes, we’re gonna call them assholes.”

“Who’s an asshole?” Ever finally joined them, bottle of beer in each hand. She offered one to Laxus and he accepted, nodding in thanks. Freed shook their head, continuing to steal pieces of popcorn from the bowl. Ever leaned against the side of Bix’s chair, looking at Freed expectantly.

Freed let Laxus repeat the entire story for Bix and Ever, who both made sounds of sympathy.

“So what’re you gonna do?” Bix asked.

“I’m not going to fucking Wisconsin,” Freed grumbled, and they could feel Laxus laughing silently underneath them. “I mean... can you picture me at a wedding out in rural Wisconsin? In a _church?”_ Ever snorted, and Freed felt their lips turning up at the corners. “I’d show up in a... a suit or something, with bright green hair and this thing.” They gestured at their septum piercing and Ever gave them a thumbs-up. “With my boyfriend, and it would just be... oh my god, I’m sure people would actually die of heart attacks.”

“It’s not like you haven’t been to a wedding before,” Laxus argued, and Freed rolled their eyes.

“Natsu and Gray’s wedding doesn’t count. They got married on the beach and we all wore shorts, and then Natsu pushed Gray into the ocean.” Everyone laughed at the memory of Gray, soaking wet and spluttering, hair drenched with salt water, stalking toward the man who had very recently become his husband and then dragging him into the waves as well. “Plus, Gray’s brother-in-law officiated it – it wasn’t religious.”

“Is that what’s bothering you? That they’re still, like, part of that cult?” Bix’s voice became serious and Freed considered the question for a moment.

“I guess I just don’t understand what’s changed,” they said eventually. “I tried to reach out, and they didn’t want anything to do with me. So why now?” Freed thought of the invitation and shook their head. “I don’t think it’s the wedding – or at least, that’s not the real reason. If they’re still in that community, they either are intolerant, or are exposed to intolerant people all the time. And I haven’t changed, so...” They threw their hands up in frustration. Baby whined and nuzzled their hand again.

“Are you thinking of calling her?” Laxus’ voice was neutral as he shifted under Freed, hugging them tighter to his chest. “You don’t... there’s no rules. Whatever you decide to do is fine.”

“I know,” Freed replied, sighing. “I still need to think about it.” Laxus nodded, feeding Freed another piece of popcorn and smiling when they kissed his hand. Ever stood up and clapped her hands together.

“Alright, are we watching this movie or what?” Freed nodded. They were done thinking about this for now. Ever flopped down on the couch on the other side of Freed and grabbed the remote, turning the television on. “Bix, you want the descriptive stuff on your headphones?” Bix shook his head.

“Nah, we’ve watched this one enough.” He grinned. “Lots of shooting, lots of drugs, and Marcellus Wallace does not look like a bitch.”

 

* * *

 

“Babe?” Laxus’ voice came through the closed bathroom door. “You okay?”

“Mmm,” Freed replied. “Be right there.” The movie was over and now they were standing in the bathroom, in nothing but their boxer-briefs, angrily staring at their reflection in the mirror. They’d taken their binder off before supper but had compensated by wearing a baggy hoodie. The red marks from the binder still stood out against their pale skin.

“You could get surgery,” Ryos had said one day while they were working together. “It was... huge for me. I hated my body without the binder, and I just feel... better now. More like myself.”

Freed had considered it. Looking at themself in the mirror now, they felt stable. Acceptable. Seeing their breasts didn’t make them want to throw up or hide under the duvet forever. But other days this wasn’t the right body. It never had been. What _would_ be the right body, though? They’d never wanted to be a _boy,_ just... something else.

Freed groaned, tugging on an old t-shirt of Laxus’ that hung to halfway down their thighs. Then they turned to the sink and began to brush their teeth.

“You alright?” When Freed came out of the bathroom, Laxus was already under the covers, dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, even though he usually slept naked. Some days Freed couldn’t handle that kind of contact, and it made their heart melt that Laxus had considered that today’s events might have put them into that kind of mood. They sighed, sliding under the blanket and sidling up to Laxus, wrapping a leg around his.

“Mhmm.” Laxus let Freed rest their head on his chest, then brought a hand up and began to comb it through their hair. Freed hummed appreciatively, tipping their head up to kiss the side of Laxus’ neck. He moaned softly, shivering as Freed nipped at his jaw. His hand drifted lower, trailing down and resting in the hollow of Freed’s back.

“What’re you up for?” He turned and propped himself up on one elbow, gazing at Freed. The light from the streetlamps highlighted his scar, and Freed reached up to trace it. Then they pulled him down for a kiss, slow and soft and lazy, running their fingers down his chest and over his thigh. Laxus groaned, deepening the kiss and causing Freed to shiver. A heat began to spread from between their legs, and they nipped at Laxus’ ear.

“Touch me,” they whispered, grabbing Laxus’ wrist and guiding it down between their thighs. Laxus hummed, ghosting his fingers over the fabric of Freed’s underwear. His hands were warm and Freed squirmed under the sensation of him almost touching them.

“In or out?” His fingers made their way up to the waistband of the boxer-briefs, tugging them down gently. Freed shimmied their hips to help him, kicking the underwear to the floor. Laxus’ hand trailed down their stomach, drifting down to the inside of their thigh. Freed gasped, shifting their hips and encouraging Laxus’ fingers toward their clit.

“B-both,” they stuttered, fisting their fingers in Laxus’ hair as his fingers brushed over them. “Ahh... y-yeah.” Laxus smiled, leaning down and kissing Freed again, hard and passionate, while moving his fingers in a gentle circle. Freed arched up off the bed, trying desperately to push against his hand.

“You’re gorgeous,” Laxus murmured, pushing himself up until he was sitting between their legs, pressing kisses to their stomach and thighs. Freed’s chest tightened and they reached down to draw a thumb across Laxus’ cheekbone. “I’m serious. You’re gorgeous and you’re _you_ and nobody else’s opinion changes that.” He kissed right above where his fingers moved. “Can I use my mouth?” 

“Yes,” Freed whispered, then threw their head back and let out a cry as Laxus switched to using his tongue and slipped his fingers inside Freed instead. They weren’t always up for this, but when they were, Laxus was a god. “Gghnnmmm...” Freed moved their hips a little, moaning at the sensation and arching up onto Laxus’ tongue. They weren’t going to last long tonight.

“You’re fucking amazing,” Laxus mumbled, tongue dipping and swirling around their clit, and holy hell Freed was going to come soon. Laxus’ free hand moved up to grasp Freed’s, pinning it to the bed and swiping soft strokes across their pulse point.

Freed couldn’t hold out much longer and soon they were tensing up, arching their back and then crying out as they came, squeezing Laxus’ hand. Laxus helped them along, continuing to move and kiss and caress until Freed shuddered, pulling back. They collapsed back onto the pillows, hair spread out underneath them, and pulled Laxus to them until he was lying on their chest.

“It’s fine,” They murmured as he started to adjust his position to avoid touching their breasts. “Today... it’s okay.” Laxus smiled up at them and pressed a kiss just under their ear.

“Good?” he murmured, nuzzling their jaw.

“You know it was amazing, you ridiculous man.” Freed ran their fingers through Laxus’ hair again, then nodded down to where his obvious hardness was pressing against their leg. “Your turn?” Laxus shook his head.

“I’m good,” he said, pulling the blanket up over them and arranging them so that Freed was once again cuddled up on his chest. “I just wanted to see you smile today.”

Freed exhaled softly, feeling tears in the corners of their eyes. They sniffed, burying their face in Laxus’ neck.

“I don’t deserve you,” they murmured, letting Laxus pull them tight to his chest. He kissed the top of their head, then rested his cheek there.

“Yes, you do,” he replied. “Now sleep. And whatever you decide tomorrow, I’ll be behind you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **French Translations**  
>  Je peux la faire partir, si tu veux = I can get her to leave if you want  
> Non, laisse-la s'expliquer = No, let her explain herself  
> Peux-tu appeler Laxus = Can you call Laxus?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Young Freed is taken in by Bix and Ever, and tries to figure out where to go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no trigger warnings for this chapter, but it was really emotional for me to write. I cried a lot, but I feel like I did it justice so there you go.

**Ten Years Ago**

“Bix, did you pick up another stray?”

The door to the VW station wagon rolled open and a petite woman with long brown hair leaned back from the front seat to gaze at them, unimpressed. Bix was unperturbed, folding up his cane and sliding into the seat. Freed followed him carefully.

“Hey,” they said, giving a little wave. “I’m, um, Freed.” Ever gave them a once-over and Freed felt very self-conscious about the fact they hadn’t been able to bathe other than in a bathroom sink for three weeks. They had also cut their hair short with craft scissors at the first bus station they’d stopped at, and they knew it was bad.

“Your hair looks terrible.” Ever raised an eyebrow. “Are you… homeless or something?”

“Ever!” Bix’s voice was sharp. “Don’t be rude. Freed needs our help and is gonna stay with us for a bit.” Freed shrank back into the seat, hoping desperately to stay out of the impending fight, but nothing happened.

“Sorry.” Ever shrugged and gave Freed a half-smile, then settled back in her seat and adjusted the rear-view mirror as she pulled out of the library parking lot. Freed blinked. That wasn’t usually how their parents fought.

“Is it still coming down hard?” Bix asked, tucking his cane beside him and adjusting his seatbelt. The inside of the car was barely warmer than outside, and Freed tucked their hands into their hoodie to keep themself warm.

“Yeah.” Freed looked out the window, amazed by the thick, heavy flakes that were coming down. The thought that without Bix they would be sleeping outside in this weather made their throat tighten. “Does it usually snow like this here?”

A police cruiser’s lights flashed ahead of them, and Freed could see several vehicles pulled off to the side of the road, pieces of glass reflecting blue and red.

“Sometimes, but it’ll melt in a couple of days.” Bix gave them a smile. “It’s usually pretty mild here since we’re so close to the ocean. When did you get here?” He paused, smile fading. “Please don’t tell me you slept outside in this weather.”

“No, no,” Freed reassured him, then paused. “Well, not _here_. I just got here this morning.” Two days ago, they’d been in some city called Calgary where they _had_ spent the night outside the train station. It had been their worst night – they’d been continually harassed and perpetually terrified, and hadn’t slept at all.

“Where are you from?” Ever asked from the front seat. She turned up the heat until it was blasting on their feet, and Freed squirmed uncomfortably at the sensation of their wet socks in their shoes.

They hesitated. Was it safe to tell them? What if Bix found out who Freed was and contacted their parents? Freed was already perpetually on edge, expecting the police or their father to jump out from behind every corner to drag them away to be brainwashed.

“Wisconsin,” Freed said after a minute, realizing that they were being ridiculous. Their parents probably weren’t even looking for them anyway – the thought made their chest ache. Bix’s eyes went wide.

“Jesus, I thought you were from Abbotsford or something,” he said. Freed didn’t know where that was, but they assumed it was closer than Wisconsin. “Why’d you come all the way out here?”

“I was just… running, I guess,” Freed said quietly. They picked at the strings of their hoodie. “I was – am – scared that my dad’s going to find me. Or send the police, and I thought maybe...”

Freed trailed off, rubbing their eyes. _Gods,_ they were tired. Tired and sad and dirty and their heart hurt. “I don’t want to go back,” they whispered.

“Hey, nobody’s gonna make you do anything,” Bix said gently, nudging Freed with his knee. “What we _are_ going to do is go home and eat a bunch of Chinese food, then you’re gonna shower and we’ll wash your clothes, and after that you’re gonna get a good night’s sleep on a real bed.” Freed sniffed, trying to keep their composure. “We’ll worry about everything else tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay,” Freed whispered, pulling their hoodie tighter around them.

They looked out the window – they were driving through a residential area now, and some of the houses still had Christmas lights up even though it was already March. Ever flicked on the blinker and pulled into one of the driveways, entering the garage and turning the car off.

“Here we are,” she said, hopping out of the car and coming around to the passenger side to grab the food from the front seat. Freed opened the sliding door and climbed out, pulling their backpack after them, then looked to Bix uncertainly. Ever shook her head.

“Bix is a strong independent man who don’t need no help,” she joked, and Freed blushed.

“S-sorry,” they mumbled, but Bix brushed off their apology good-naturedly. He didn’t take out his cane, just oriented himself on the wall and gestured for Freed to go ahead of him to the stairs.

“Don’t apologize for being thoughtful,” he said, stepping into the foyer and shrugging off his jacket, then pointing for Freed to do the same. Ever sidestepped them both, kicking off her shoes and heading down the hallway with the takeout boxes. “I’m used to it. People are never sure what I can and can’t do – I try to never get offended when someone offers to help, even if I don’t need it.”

“Were you – I mean, can – do you…” Freed groaned, running a hand over their face. Bix laughed gently, leading Freed down the hall after Ever. A staircase led upwards on their left, but instead they turned right into a spacious kitchen. It opened into a dining area, and around the wall was a large living room with an enormous sectional that Bix plopped down on.

“I’ve been blind forever,” Bix said as Freed sat down tentatively next to him. “I was born super and spent a long time in NICU. Ended up with this thing called _retinopathy of prematurity_ , basically my retinas detached? Pretty gross.” Freed swallowed, frowning. They weren’t certain what was appropriate to comment on. “It’s fine, really. There’s almost nothing you could say that would upset me.” Freed believed it. Bix seemed so easygoing it was almost unreal.

“Bix, get your damn feet off the table. Were you born in a barn?” Ever smacked Bix’s foot and he stuck his tongue out at her. “Plate?” She held it out until it touched the back of his arm and he accepted it. “Left to right we’ve got fried rice, ginger beef, dumplings, spring rolls, and green onion cakes.” She handed a plate to Freed as well, who took it with a soft _thanks_ , and then she headed back to the kitchen.

“All that to say that I’m pretty much completely blind,” Bix continued, feeling in front of him for the utensils. “But I’ve never been able to see, so I’m not missing out on anything.” He grinned, scooping fried rice onto his plate. “My only ask is that you don’t move anything around in here. Furniture, or things on the counter. Everything’s in a specific place so I can find it.”

“Oh… of course,” Freed said quietly.  

Bix leaned back and began to pick at his food with his chopsticks. Freed hesitated, running their fingers over the edge of their plate. What were they doing? They didn’t know these people. Why was Bix helping them? What if their father found out? Was someone on their way right now to drag them back?

“Breathe,” Bix said gently, nudging Freed with his knee. “Deep breaths. You sound like you’re gonna faint.” Freed made a weak noise, setting their plate down and running their hands over their face. They were so, _so_ hungry, but the idea of accepting this food was terrifying. What was it going to cost them?

“I don’t… I can’t pay you back,” they whispered. Blood rushed to their cheeks, making them dizzy.

“Don’t be silly,” Bix murmured, touching Freed’s shoulder gently. “When was the last time you ate?” Freed swallowed, running a hand through their messy hair.

“Um,” they said shakily, “y-yesterday, I think.” One of the trains had provided free crackers and hard candies, and Freed had pocketed as many of them as they could without suspicion. The meagre four hundred dollars they’d saved up had run out after the second week, and the past few days they’d been forced to beg for spare change or steal from convenience stores.

“Eat something.” Bix’s voice was firm but gentle, and he nudged Freed’s arm. “I’m not looking for anything from you in return. Ever makes fun of me for taking in strays, but I just… I can tell you need someone right now, and I promise you that you’re safe here.” Freed sniffled a few times, wiping their face, then picked up their plate again and began to load it up with food.

“Thank you,” they said around a mouthful of ginger beef. _Gods,_ it tasted good. They tried to pace themself so they wouldn’t get sick, but it was hard when they were so hungry. “I’m just… so scared.”

“Of what?” Ever came back into the living room with a glass of wine and plopped down on the other side of Freed, crossing her legs and shoveling rice into her mouth. Bix must have given her a look over Freed’s head, because she raised a hand in submission. “Sorry, none of my business.” She paused, chopsticks halfway to her mouth. “Okay, let’s start over again. I’m Ever, Bix’s roommate and occasionally his only form of self-control. I work at an animal shelter ‘cause I like dogs better than people.” She gestured at Freed. “Your turn.”

“Oh. Um… I’m Freed?” They said it like a question, then shook their head. “I _am_ Freed. I changed my name. My old one didn’t fit.” They swallowed, avoiding eye contact. “I use _they_ and _them_ as pronouns.” Ever didn’t seem fazed. “I like… theatre and music. I s-speak French and I’m – I was – learning Japanese.” They felt the knot in their chest slowly relaxing – not dissolving completely, but loosening enough that Freed felt like they could eat and talk and be comfortable.

“And I’m Bix!” Bix set his empty plate down, licking a bit of sweet-and-sour sauce from his thumb. “Obviously I’m a librarian – I love books and I love helping people. Ever says I’m too nice but I say there’s no such thing. There’s always room to be kind.” Ever rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything. “I also love dogs! I’m working on getting a new service dog – my last one retired around a year ago and it’s been a bit of a challenge going to work and to new places on the bus without her.”

“There, now we all know each other.” Ever finished off her plate and set it on the table, on top of Bix’s. “And I’m sorry for being a bitch. Bix says I have no filter.”

“It’s because you don’t,” Bix said, his voice full of fond exasperation.

“It’s… okay. My hair does look awful,” Freed admitted. As soon as they’d cut it off, they’d regretted it. They’d wanted to both be different enough to hide from anyone looking for them, and look more androgynous, hoping it would make their gender identity more comfortable. It certainly hadn’t had the intended effect.

“Do you want me to fix it for you?” Ever offered. She reached out and grabbed an uneven lock between her fingers, measuring it against Freed’s face. “I took cosmetology in high school.”

“You, um, well you probably couldn’t make it look _worse,_ ” Freed admitted, giving Ever a half-smile. She laughed, tugging on their hair and then standing up, dusting off her jeans.

“Alright, come with me,” she said, reaching out for Freed’s hand and tugging them to their feet. “Bix, you’re on cleanup. Dishwasher’s clean.” He groaned, but waved for them to leave. Freed followed Ever uncertainly out of the living room and back to the staircase. She gestured back to the front door. “Go grab your bag, we’ll throw your stuff in the laundry too.”

Twenty minutes later, Freed was sitting on a stool in the upstairs bathroom, towel draped over their baggy sweater. Ever had kindly asked whose clothes Freed preferred to borrow – hers or Bix’s – and they had ended up in a combination of Ever’s sweatpants and Bix’s hoodie. The sleeves needed to be rolled up several times, but Ever hadn’t had anything baggy enough to sufficiently hide Freed’s chest.

“I think the sides are a lost cause,” Ever said, running her fingers through Freed’s damp hair. “Okay, what if I cut the sides and back short, but leave the top long? Are you planning on growing it out again?”

Freed nodded, feeling their cheeks turn pink. Ever picked up the scissors from the counter and began to cut the ends, letting the trimmed bits fall to the floor. She worked in a comfortable silence, the rhythm of combing and snipping nearly lulling Freed to sleep.

“Thank you,” they said when Ever was about halfway through. She hummed softly, combing the longer portion off to the side of Freed’s face. “I didn’t know what to do.” Freed felt tears pushing behind their eyes and they sniffed, blinking rapidly to prevent them from falling.

“Oh, geez, I’m terrible at this touchy-feely shit,” Ever said awkwardly, patting the side of Freed’s head. “You’re… it’s cool, I dunno what you’re running from but Bix took me in too. He’s just a genuinely good person.”

Freed was tempted to ask what _she_ had been running from, but decided to just nod in agreement instead. Bix did seem like a good person, and if he hadn’t found…

“Would you seriously have slept outside if he hadn’t found you?” Ever asked, as if reading Freed’s mind. They shrugged, uncertain.

“Maybe? I don’t have… anywhere to go.” They fiddled with the too-long sleeves of Bix’s hoodie and avoided their reflection in the mirror. Before they’d left home, their blonde hair had been down to nearly the center of their back. Now…

“Family? Friends?”

“My dad’s family lived on the commune where I’m from,” Freed said softly. “They’d just as soon help my him send me away to that camp than help me run. And I never met any of my mom’s family – they weren’t allowed to see me or my siblings.” Freed was sure that their voice was bitter, but they continued anyway. “My only friends were at school, but that’s back in Wisconsin, too.”

“Well,” Ever said after a moment, pulling out the electric razor and fitting it with a numbered guard. “It’s a good thing you’re here instead of out there.” Freed wasn’t certain if she meant Wisconsin or out in the snow, but both seemed like equally unappealing options.

When Ever was finished with Freed’s hair, she gestured for them to look in the mirror. They were pleasantly surprised – it wasn’t long like they were used to, but it wasn’t the choppy mess of earlier today either.

“Have you ever thought of dyeing it?” Ever asked, brushing Freed’s neck with a towel. “I feel like green would look good on you. It would match your eyes.” Freed tipped their head to the side – they’d never considered it. “Just something to think about. Anyway, have a shower, use whatever you want in there. There’s a towel here for you. I think I hear Bix setting up the cot in the spare room, so go find him when you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” Freed said again, feeling like it was inadequate to express how grateful they felt. Ever gave them a quick smile, then exited the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Showering felt heavenly. The soap smelled like honey, and Freed spent much longer than necessary lathering and scrubbing their body. They washed their hair three times, then scrubbed their face with some sort of exfoliating wash. When they finally left the bathroom, dressed once again in the sweatpants and hoodie, they felt more human than they had in a while.

“Perfect timing,” Bix said, turning his head as Freed knocked on the door of the room. “Here’s your bed.” He gestured to the cot behind him, pushed up against a pile of boxes and old furniture. Freed’s backpack rested on the ground, and the empty duffel bag was tucked underneath it. “Your clothes’ll be dry by tomorrow. Do you need anything else?”

“N-no, I…” Freed’s chest tightened and they took a shaky breath, overcome with emotion. Bix smiled, stepping towards Freed.

“Do you want a hug?” Freed wasn’t sure if it was the gentle tone of Bix’s voice, or the exhaustion, or the incredible sense of gratitude, but Freed didn’t even answer, just threw themself at Bix. Bix let out a soft _oof_ of surprise, then wrapped his arms around Freed and hugged them tightly. “You’re a valuable person, Freed,” Bix said, resting his cheek on their head. “And you’re going to be okay.”

 

* * *

  
**a common bond  
#introductions  **

Freed sat cross-legged in one of the library chairs, staring at the app on their phone and fidgeting uncomfortably. The counsellor they’d been speaking to at the Pride Centre had suggested the group – it was made up of queer youth across the country who were struggling with fanatically religious parents.

Freed had gotten as far as making a profile – ironically the only gender options were male or female, so Freed had picked male out of spite – and had then ignored the app for a week. Bix had finally prodded them into at least looking at other user’s introductions.

 **angelvoodoo . 15d**  
_Hi all, my name is Angel and I’m a 15yo trans girl in Ottawa. My mom & dad haven’t found out yet but I’m scared they’re gonna find my makeup or bras. I want to be out but they’re always commenting on the ‘trans bathroom’ thing and how its not what God would want so I’m scared to. Anyway nice to meet all of you._

Freed chewed their lip, flipping through to another one.

**outdamnedspot . 4d  
** _Hey, I’m 17 and from Saskatoon and I’m a lesbian. My family is Mormon and I’m really struggling with how to live up to their expectations and be happy. I don’t know what would happen if I came out to them, but I’m scared to find out._

Rubbing their face, Freed sighed. They weren’t certain if knowing other people had similar experiences was reassuring or terrifying. They scrolled up to the very newest post.

**greasedlightning . 1h  
** _Hey, I’m 17 and I’m gay and my dad would probably kill me if he knew. Like actually kill me. He’s a really high up_ _‘priest’_ _in this cult (he would also kill me for calling it a cult but that’s what it is) and he took me out of school to drag me around the whole stupid country to convert people. It’s the worst and we live in this stupid RV and I hate it. I’m thinking about jumping ship at the next town and running away, but I’m too scared to leave._

“How’s it going?” Freed jumped in the chair as Bix’s hand landed on their shoulder, and they exhaled sharply. 

“You scared me,” Freed said. Bix chuckled, settling down in the chair next to them. “I just got here. You on a break?”

“Nah, but it’s not busy and I’ve got an intern so she gets to do all the work.” Bix grinned, crossing on leg over his knee. “How was your meeting this morning?”

Freed sighed. True to his word, Bix had set Freed up with a counsellor at the Pride Centre, who was slowly helping them navigate their options. They had talked about potentially returning to their family, but when the counsellor had asked if Freed thought they might be physically harmed if they returned and they had answered “yes”, that option was taken off the table.

“She can’t… legally, I’m a minor, and I basically _belong_ to my parents,” Freed said bitterly. “If I had a family member here in Canada, they could sponsor me when I turn eighteen, but as far as I know, all my family lives in Wisconsin.”

“Maybe they don’t!” Bix tapped his fingers against his knee thoughtfully. “You said you’ve never met your mom’s family, right?”

Freed nodded. Although their parents never talked about it, Freed had figured out that their mother’s parents had left the commune before Freed was born. Their father had forbidden any contact, so Freed had never met those grandparents, aunts or uncles.

“You might have had someone who moved here. Want me to check? We have a couple computer programs here at the library that might be able to help.”

“S-sure,” Freed said, swallowing. They’d never been fond of their family – everyone was always so determined to tell Freed what they should be doing with their life, and how they wouldn’t be a good _wife_ if they didn’t change their behavior. But maybe their mom’s family would be different? “What do you need?”

After they wrote down a list of information for Bix and he headed back to the front of the library, Freed looked down at their phone again. The message from _greasedlightning_ resonated with Freed, and they read through it again before finally creating their own post.

**runique . now  
** _Hi. I’m new to Canada. I don’t actually live here, I guess, I’m kinda… crashing on the couch. Both literally and figuratively. My parents found me out a few weeks ago and threatened to send me to a conversion camp so I ran away. I guess you don’t have those camps in Canada – or at least, not as many – which is why I’m hiding here. I’m trying to figure out a way to stay. It was terrifying to leave, so @greasedlightning I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I really, really don’t want to go back._

Freed hesitated for a moment before hitting ‘send’. Then they exhaled, setting their phone down on the table and resting their head back against the chair cushions.

They’d been in Magnolia for two weeks now, and it felt like it had been forever. Bix refused to let them leave and had helped Freed convert the spare room into an actual bedroom, albeit with a cot instead of a real bed. Freed had protested at first, but Ever had told him that there was no point arguing and had pointed out that Freed could help out around the house in other ways than just paying bills. Conveniently, it meant that she no longer did dishes, but Freed honestly didn’t mind.

They stared down at their phone now, brow furrowed. The Pride Centre had been able to give them a small emergency fund to allow them to buy some toiletries, as well as a prepaid card for their phone, but they hadn’t used it yet. Bix had also given them free reign on the library computers, but Freed had been too scared to reach out to their friends from school. What if they didn’t care? What if they did, and they told Freed’s father?

Freed groaned, tugging at the beanie that covered their hair, then reached out and snatched up the phone. Before they could stop themself they were dialing the familiar number and listening to the international calling message.

“Hello?” Freed’s voice stuck in their throat. It was their mother. _Their mother who raised them, who taught them to read with Bible stories and snuck them candies after Church service. Their mother who called them a disappointment when they argued about wearing dresses. Their mother who kissed their forehead and held them and sang to them when they were sick. Their mother who sneered, and who sniped at them with sharp words until it hurt._ “Who is this?”

“Mom?” Freed’s voice was quiet and shaky and they were already crying, heavy tears coursing down their cheeks and dripping onto their hoodie. “Mom?”

“Who is this?” _Their mother who kept the dandelions Freed would pick in a glass on the windowsill. Their mother who gripped their arm so hard it had left bruises when they’d argued with her. Their mother who braided their hair and tucked daisies into it and called them beautiful. Their mother who watched their father hit them and did nothing._

“Mom, it’s me,” Freed begged. There had been a part of them – larger than they wanted to acknowledge – that had envisioned a tearful apology, an admission of guilt, a plea for them to come home. “It’s... it’s me. F-freed. Th-that’s my name now, I ch-changed it, and I m-miss you an-”

“I don’t know anyone by that name.”

Freed gasped, feeling the words like a blow to the chest. They curled up on themselves, rubbing furiously at their tears with the heel of their hand. The phone was damp against their cheek.

“Mom, pleas-”

“Don’t call here again.” There was a pause, and Freed waited desperately for her to change her mind. “Goodbye.”

The line went dead and Freed dropped the phone to the floor and began to sob – deep, heavy cries that echoed throughout the room, but Freed was grieving too hard to care.

_Their mother who never wanted to speak to them again._

“Freed? Freed, what happened?” Bix knelt on the ground next to the chair, reaching out gently and touching Freed’s face. “Are you hurt? You gotta tell me if you’re hurt, okay?” Freed shook their head, a wounded noise escaping their throat.

“My... m-mom…” they gasped, and Bix made a sad sound, reaching out and pulling Freed into his arms. Freed grabbed Bix’s sweater tightly, burying their face into his shirt and letting the tears pour out. Bix tugged them until they were on the floor next to him, practically in his lap.

“I’m so sorry,” Bix murmured, stroking Freed’s hair and holding them tightly. “You deserve so much better.”

Freed trembled in Bix’s arms, gasping with each breath, feeling waves and waves of grief pour through them. It had _hurt_ when their father hit them – hurt for days, and left a tiny white scar from the cut from his ring. But this. This _ached_ and spread through their body until every part of them trembled in distress.

“They don’t… want me,” Freed sobbed, and Bix hummed sympathetically, rocking them back and forth. “Sh-she’s my _mom_ , and I’m… and I d-don’t under _st-stand_ because I’m just… I’m m-me, and I didn’t change, and I w-want… _fuck!”_ They struck Bix’s chest in frustration and Bix didn’t flinch, just took Freed’s hand in his own.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and Freed shook their head.

“M-maybe it’s me,” they whispered, hiccupping. “I’m w-wrong, and maybe I can just b-be who they want and they’ll… but…”

“You don’t want that,” Bix said gently. “You can’t be happy being somebody you’re not. This isn’t about you, it’s about them. There’s nothing wrong with who you are.”

“But I don’t even _know_ who I am,” Freed whispered. “I d-don’t… maybe I’m just being s-stupid. Maybe… it’s just some stupid… ph-ph-phase, and I can change, and I c-can just be… normal, and… and…” Their breathing was stuttered and uneven, interspersed with quiet, wounded sounds. Bix just held them, stroking their back and waiting out the tears.

“You aren’t being stupid,” Bix insisted eventually, hugging Freed tightly to his chest. Freed sniffed a few times, wiping their nose on their sleeve. “I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, but Freed – I like you. You’re smart and sweet and thoughtful and kind, and that’s much more important than what’s in your pants.” Freed laughed wetly. “If your parents can’t see that, then they’re missing out.”

“Bix, I-”

“Wait, before you say anything, Ever always gets after me for confusing people with my ‘gay-ass shit’.” Bix made quotes with his fingers and grinned. “I mean that I like you as a friend. I don’t like people that way. At all.”

“Oh,” Freed said, realizing that they weren’t particularly surprised. At first, they had thought Bix and Ever might be a couple, but this made much more sense. “Okay. And yeah, I… thank you. You should be a counsellor or something.”

“I thought about it,” Bix admitted, disentangling himself from Freed and standing up. He offered a hand and pulled Freed to their feet. “But counsellors are expensive. Here I can help people for free. Plus… books.” He gestured around them, and Freed smiled.

“Thanks, Bix,” they said softly, scrubbing their face. They bent down and picked up their phone, about to tuck it into their pocket when they saw a notification from the group. “I’m good now. You can go back to work if you need to.”

“You sure? We can leave early if you’d like.” Bix was finished in a few hours and Ever was going to pick them up afterwards.

“No, I’m alright. Thank you.” Bix squeezed Freed’s arm gently, then grabbed his cane and headed back out into the main area.

Freed glanced down at their phone and swiped the notification – it was a private message.

 **#PM**  
greasedlightning . 5m  
_Hey. I don’t normally talk to strangers on the internet but I found out about this app from another kid at one of my dad’s crazy-ass church conventions and it’s nice to see other people who know what I’m going through. Your parents sound like assholes, I’m really sorry. I didn’t even think those camps were a thing anymore. You’re really brave to have left. I’m seriously considering leaving at our next stop. Part of me thinks my dad wouldn’t care, the other part worries he’d come after me. Anyway, I hope you’re feeling okay._

Freed smiled, feeling a sensation of kinship warm their chest. They immediately started to type out a reply.

 **runique . now  
**_Hey too you, too. I’m actually not feeling great. I just tried to call my mom and she pretended she didn’t know who I was and told me not to call again. It was so scary to leave. I hitchhiked all the way from Wisconsin – I’d never even been to Canada before. I found somebody to stay with though so I’m pretty lucky. Part of me is glad my parents aren’t coming after me, and part of me wishes they had. I’m sorry your dad is so difficult. My dad is also fairly high up in the commune where I was living but I never had to travel with him, just church every week. It was always hard though because I never felt like I belonged. I don’t really know what I’m going to do now, but I’m glad that at least someone understands what it’s like._  

Freed relaxed back into the chair, setting the phone down on the armrest. It felt strange to talk to somebody else about what was going on. The conversation with their mother still stung, but Freed decided to push it aside for now, and pulled their book out of their backpack. They got a few pages into it when their phone _pinged_ again.

 **greasedlightning . now  
**_A commune? That’s crazy. My dad took me out of school a few years ago to travel and “spread the word” which is bullshit. He’s just kinda… let’s just say he’s not a nice guy when he’s angry. It’s hard to spend every day, all day with him. I honestly don’t know why I’m telling you this, I never talk to anyone about my dad. I just wanna leave really badly but I don’t know where I’d go. I hope that wherever you are, you’re safe. I can’t believe you came all the way from the US, that’s crazy. And I’m really sorry about your mom. My mom died when I was little but I still sort of remember her. My dad just isn’t the same. Anyway, I’m glad you’re safe. Feel free to message me anytime you need to talk. : )_  

Freed blinked at the message. As hesitant as they had been to talk to strangers, this person didn’t seem so bad. Maybe it would be good to talk to somebody who knew what they were going through. As Freed was contemplating it, another message popped up.

**greasedlightning . now  
** _Also I know you shouldn’t tell people on the internet your real name but I just feel like I can trust you for some reason. And it would be stupid for you to think of me as ‘greasedlightning’. So, ‘runique’, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Laxus._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /exhale  
> So can you tell I have issues with my mom? It's hard to love someone who you know has made bad decisions that have hurt you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed agrees to meet their parents for dinner, but insists on coffee alone with their mother first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for misgendering and transphobia

_“Je ne sais pas quoi faire.”_

Freed sighed as Gray looked over at them, sprawled on the couch of the Pride Center, tablet resting on their stomach. They felt miserable. Gray stood up from the table where he was working, stretched, then moved to sit on the couch next to Freed.

“You mean about your parents?” Freed covered their face with their hands and grumbled something unintelligible. Gray sighed, nudging Freed until their head was resting in his lap. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Mmf.” Freed turned, snuggling into Gray’s stomach and pulling their baggy hoodie tighter around them. Gray tugged at the sweater.

“Bad today?”

“… yeah.” Freed hummed as Gray ran a hand over their hair. “I was… I thought I was fine, and then I just…”

They shivered, trying not to think about the awful feeling that they had woken up in a body that wasn’t theirs. Baggy sweaters had been a staple of their teenage wardrobe, but they’d been so much more comfortable with their appearance over the past few years. Ever since the incident with their mother last week, though, looking in a mirror had been… difficult.

“Did you talk to Ryos? When’s he getting here?” Gray settled himself deeper into the couch.

“He said he’d be here in half an hour with coffee, remember?” Gray blinked in confusion and Freed rolled their eyes at him. “You stayed up and called Natsu last night, didn’t you? You look exhausted.” Gray’s cheeks flushed pink.

“Well, I…” He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, yawning. “Yeah, I did.” He sighed. “I really miss him. And I worry about him.” His voice was soft and sad.

“I know,” Freed said sympathetically, thinking of the news segment he and Laxus had watched last night about the fire. Over a thousand homes had been destroyed, and nearly eighty thousand people evacuated. People in smaller communities were being airlifted by the RCMP to Magnolia, and the flames were growing big enough to create firestorms. Gray had every reason to be concerned. “He’s back on Friday though, right? Only five more days?” Gray hummed in agreement, eyes closing as he tipped his head back.

“Then they’ll send him back out again next week,” he said quietly, rubbing his temple with one hand. “It could take... months to get this under control.” Freed squeezed Gray’s arm sympathetically.

 “How much sleep did you get last night?” they asked.

“…some?” Gray replied, opening one eye and glancing down at Freed. They frowned at him and he groaned. “Okay, two hours, I think? But once Ryos gets here with the coffee, I’ll be…” He was caught off guard by an enormous yawn that brought tears to the corners of his eyes. “…fine,” he finished lamely.

“Go to sleep,” Freed said, laughing and pushing Gray back into the cushions. It was only six-thirty, and the Center didn’t open until ten on Sundays. They had come early to work on camp materials, but it wasn’t particularly time sensitive – July was still four months away.

“You too,” Gray mumbled, hovering his arm over Freed’s stomach and waiting for a nod before wrapping an arm around Freed. Freed shuffled a bit until they were comfortable, tucking one arm behind Gray and the other under their head. “You look like hell.”

Gray wasn’t wrong. Freed hadn’t been sleeping well since last Thursday, and they could feel exhaustion deep in their body. They considered protesting but they just couldn’t keep their eyes open when Gray was so warm and comfortable next to them.

“Fine, but only for half an hour,” they murmured, snuggling up next to Gray. Sleep took them almost instantly.

 

* * *

  
Ryos woke them up at nine-thirty.

“You two are adorable, and I would leave you alone, but we’ve got that sex ed workshop in half an hour and if you stay like that, you’re gonna get hit with dildos.”

Gray blinked up at Ryos, rubbing his eyes and then running his hands through his messy hair. Freed yawned. Ryos handed Gray a cup of coffee and he made an appreciative sound.

“How’d you-”

“I drank your first one and went back to Starbucks,” Ryos replied, looking down at Freed. They grumbled, burying their face into Gray’s shirt.

“You’re my favorite person,” Gray said earnestly, squeezing Ryos’ arm. “Wake up, sleepyhead,” he said to Freed, jiggling a knee underneath them. They groaned. “Don’t wanna get hit by a dildo.” Freed snorted.

“Depends on where,” they grumbled, rolling off the couch into a sitting position between Gray’s legs. “Do my hair?” Gray hummed, handing his coffee to Freed who began to drink from it. Gray started to untangle Freed’s hair, combing his fingers through it and separating it into strands to braid.

“Thank you, Ryos,” Freed said softly as the younger boy crouched down on the floor and set Freed’s coffee on the table.

Freed looked at Ryos and was jealous, for a moment, of his ability to look effortlessly masculine. Freed tried to keep those feelings under wraps – Ryos hadn’t had an easy journey, after all – but today something angry and insatiable clawed at their insides. 

“Bad day?” Ryos asked sympathetically, tugging on the sleeve of Freed’s hoodie.

“Yeah. Maybe. I dunno.” Freed rubbed their face, trying to shake off the uneasiness that had been plaguing them for the past few days. Their phone was weighing heavy in their pocket, their mother’s number saved in a note for if or when they decided to call.

“Want a hug?”

“Mmm.” Freed leaned into Ryos’ embrace, trying not to disturb Gray’s braiding as they buried their face in Ryos’ shoulder. Ryos boy moved until he was sitting on the floor next to Freed and kept his arm around them.

“I dunno if this is helpful,” Ryos said gently, “but I want you to know how much I look up to you.”

Freed felt their throat tighten and they dropped their head in embarrassment. Gray’s hands were gentle as they nudged him to sit back up so he could finish braiding.

“I remember when I was just coming out, and you two were the first people I told besides Gajeel,” Ryos added. Freed half-smiled, remembering how soft-spoken and shy Ryos had been. “I’ve always admired how you handle everything in your life with such grace” Ryos leaned his head against Freed’s. “Whatever you decide to do, we’re all behind you.”

“Thank you,” Freed whispered, wishing they felt graceful in this situation. They didn’t want to be graceful. They wanted to be angry and full of fire. Freed sighed, feeling Gray tying off the end of the braid with an elastic. They tipped their head back up at him and smiled. “And thank you.”

“Always happy to be of service,” Gray grinned, kissing Freed’s forehead and taking his coffee back from them. He downed it in one long swallow, making a face at the bitter taste. “Alright. Caffeine has been ingested. Ready to teach some teenagers about sex?”

“Actually...” Freed hesitated for a second. “I need a minute. I’ll be outside, okay?”

Ryos and Gray both gave Freed sympathetic looks, and Ryos stood to help Freed to their feet.

“Come get us if you need us,” Gray said, moving to the supply cupboard and taking out the box of equipment they used for the class.

“I will,” Freed said, giving what they hoped was a reassuring smile before they ducked out the back door and into the alleyway.

There was a cement ledge just under a cherry tree on the far side of the road, and they clambered up and balanced their coffee precariously next to them before pulling out their phone.

They’d been obsessing over this for days. Were their parents even still here in Magnolia? Their mother had said, ‘a few days.’ Maybe they’d gone back to Wisconsin and this wouldn’t even be an issue. Before Freed could think too hard about it, they’d pressed ‘call’ and were listening to the ringtone.

“Hello?” Freed was immediately sixteen again, curled up in the library chair, hearing their mother’s voice for the first time in three weeks and hoping desperately that she wanted to see them again. “Ama-” There was a cough. “Freed. Is that you?”

Holy shit, she used the right name.

“Yes.” Freed swallowed, trying to keep their voice level. Their hands were trembling, and they started drumming on their leg to keep their fingers occupied. “I’ve thought about what you asked.”

“And?” Karen sounded hopeful but wary. Freed licked their lips.

“How long are you in town for?” There was a long silence.

“We’re leaving on Tuesday evening,” Karen replied eventually. “Will you have dinner with us?”

“I want to have coffee with you first,” Freed said, breathing deeply to calm their pounding heart. “Just you, not dad or Gabriel.”

“Ama- Freed, don’t be silly. Your father wants to see you as well.”

“It’s that or nothing.” Is this what having a heart attack felt like? Part of Freed wanted to cave, wanted to follow their mom’s wishes because that’s what they’d always done until they ran away. But this was important, and they refused to back down. “Coffee, just you and me, when I’m off work today. I’ll text you the address.”

Karen sighed, and Freed could imagine her pinching the bridge her nose.

“If it goes well, Laxus and I will be happy to meet all three of you for dinner.”

There was no way Freed was going to meet their family without someone to back them up. They’d considered asking Gray or Bix to come instead so they could keep Laxus out of their ridiculous family drama, but Laxus had insisted on coming. However, Bix had agreed to come to the coffee shop this afternoon, just to keep a figurative eye on Freed and be an out if they needed one.

“Alright.” Karen’s voice seemed to soften, and that tiny change in her tone made Freed want to forgive her for every slight. There was an awkward pause, then Karen added, “I’m happy you called.” Freed wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“I’ll text you the address,” they said. “Four o’clock.”

“Four o’clock,” their mother repeated. “I’ll see you then.” There was a moment’s hesitation, then the line went dead and Freed was left staring at their phone, heart still pounding and breaths coming in short, sharp pants.

Why was this so hard?

They shook themselves off, taking a few sips of their latte and then closing their eyes, breathing in the sweet scent of the cherry blossoms. After several minutes, they hopped down from the wall, dusting themself off and heading back inside.

 

* * *

  
Freed had started frequenting Dark Side café when they moved in with Bix, since it was next to the library and they made amazing cinnamon buns. Natsu had worked here for a couple years, and for a while their group of friends had made it their meeting place. It was a geek cafe that provided board games and D&D nights, and various pieces of Star Wars paraphernalia hung on the walls. Freed spotted their mother almost instantly – the one person who definitely didn’t look like she belonged here.

“What would you like?” Freed asked, gesturing for her to follow them toward the lineup. They had changed before coming here, borrowing Gray’s more fitted _Tempête_ pullover instead of their enormous college sweater, but they still felt slightly uncomfortable.

“Oh, just... a chai, I suppose?” Karen said, looking over the menu. Freed gestured for her to go take a seat while they ordered, picking out two cinnamon buns in addition to their drinks. When they returned to the table Karen was on her phone, and she set it face up on the table.

“These are baked in-store,” Freed explained, pushing one of the buns toward their mother. “My friend used to work here and he got to bring home the leftovers. They’re really good.”

Karen nodded, taking a tentative bite and raising her eyebrows appreciatively.

A flash of blue caught Freed’s eye and they saw Bix making his way into the café. Freed sighed in relief and quickly typed out a text to him – _we’re here at your ten o’clock. I’ll text you if I need anything. Thank you._ They could hear Siri reading the message to Bix from where they were sitting, but Karen didn’t seem to notice.

“So.” Karen fidgeted in her seat, playing with the handle of her coffee mug uncertainly. “What do you... do? For work? I guess I have lots... to catch up on.” She sounded guilty, but Freed couldn’t tell if it was sincere.

“Oh.” Freed hadn’t thought far enough ahead to consider what they would actually talk about. They sighed internally – everything in their life was probably going to be a contentious topic, so they dove in headfirst. “Well, I work at the Pride Center full time. I have a masters in linguistics so I could do research but prefer what I’m doing. I like my job. I’m organizing a summer camp right now.”

“For people... like you?” Karen said uncertainly.

“Some of them,” Freed said, taking a sip of their latte. “It’s for youth who identify as... well, basically not-straight. Or cisgender.”

“What’s a cisgender?” Karen asked, wrinkling her nose. 

“It’s the opposite of transgender,” Freed explained, trying to be patient. They knew that their mother was completely ignorant about this world, and it wouldn’t do any good to get frustrated, even if it was difficult. “So, you, for example. You were born and the doctor said ‘it’s a girl’, and you grew up feeling you were a girl.”

“But you… don’t.” Her voice was curious but carried a hint of anger. Freed swallowed. 

“That’s right, but I prefer the term non-binary or genderqueer. I don’t feel like I’m a girl _or_ a boy.” Their mother frowned, taking a bite of her cinnamon bun and chewing it thoughtfully.

“But don’t you have to pick?” She sounded genuinely confused.

“Well, I don’t _have_ to do anything,” Freed said simply. “I’m somewhere in the middle, and I tell people that, and they respect it.” They emphasized the last part, and seeing Karen flinch a bit gave them a tiny bit of satisfaction, even if they immediately felt guilty about it afterward. “If people make mistakes, I correct them, and they usually listen. I’m the same as everybody else, but I use ‘they’ and ‘them’ as pronouns instead of ‘she’ or ‘him’. “

“They...” Karen looked confused.

“Yes. As in, I ran into Freed today, and they looked wonderful. I hope their coffee date with their mother goes well.” Karen blinked a few times, clearly upset by something but not certain where to start.

“And your friends... know this?”

“Of course. They’re all very supportive.” Freed picked a few raisins off the cinnamon bun and ate them separately. “One of my coworkers is transgender, and several of my friends are queer.” Karen flinched at the word.

“Those two... you were with?” Freed tried not to sigh. They hated this kind of probing into their personal life – what did it matter to Karen if Gray and Ryos were gay? – but she wasn’t being hostile and he’d already got their permission to talk about them.

“Yes. Gray is bisexual – I was the ‘best person’ at his wedding, and his husband is also one of my friends.” Freed didn’t miss the slight wrinkle of their mother’s nose at the word ‘bisexual,’ but they kept going. “Ryos is transgender.”

“So... he’s actually a girl?” Karen’s voice was incredulous, and Freed winced. They’d warned Ryos that this might happen, but he’d said that if it helped Karen understand Freed, he was fine with it.

“No, mom,” Freed corrected gently. “He’s a boy. He happened to be born in the wrong body, but he’s definitely a boy.”

“That’s unnatural,” Karen insisted, setting her coffee down and pressing her hands on her thighs. “If someone’s born a certain way, that’s how God wants them to be. She’s perverting that by-”

“Stop.” Freed’s voice was firm, and he glanced over to Bix’s table. It was close enough that Bix could overhear their conversation, and Bix looked like he was ready to get up and come over at any moment. “You asked about my friends and I told you. I don’t want a lecture. You can believe what you want but keep your judgements to yourself, and use the right pronouns for my friends.”

“But... you _know_ that this isn’t what God wants, don’t you?”

 _Fuck_. They had hoped not to have this conversation with their mother, although in hindsight Freed supposed that was naïve. They took a deep breath.

“Mom, I don’t believe in God anymore.”

The silence that followed was painful, and Freed’s cheeks burned. It felt as if everyone in the café was looking at them, even though nobody was paying attention to the conversation except the two of them and Bix. Karen’s brow was furrowed, and Freed could see tension evident in her jaw.

“That’s...” Karen exhaled, putting a hand to her forehead. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“I can’t believe in something that calls me an abomination,” Freed said quietly, tracing the rim of their coffee cup. “When I was younger, in Sunday school, they talked about how God loved everyone, but as I got older, it was about how God only loves specific kinds of people, and I wasn’t – I’m not – one of those people.” Karen looked uncomfortable. “Mom, do you seriously believe that God hates me and is going to send me to hell, just because I look like this?” They gestured at themself.

“Ama-” Karen caught herself. “No. I don’t...” She sighed, taking off her glasses and rubbing her face. “This lifestyle is just... I don’t understand it.” Looking at Freed, she shook her head. “You were always such a sweet littl-”

“Don’t.” Freed’s voice was soft and pleading. “Please, don’t. It’s difficult for me to hear you say those things because that’s not who I am. I’m not a child anymore. I’m twenty-six, mom!” They took a deep breath, closing their eyes for a moment. “You need to understand that I’m not something you can control anymore. You have no say or input into my life and my choices. Plus, I’m still angry about how you and dad treated me, and I’m pissed off about the last ten years where you didn’t care where I was. I could have been dead!”

“Oh, sweetie.” Karen’s voice softened and immediately Freed was six again, curled up in their mom’s lap crying because of a scraped knee. They shook their head vigorously. “We just didn’t know how to deal with your... outburst.”

“Outburst?” Freed demanded, trying to keep their voice to a reasonable volume. “Dad _hit_ me, you did _nothing_ , and then you threatened to send me to a camp where they torture and beat kids to make them straight.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Karen said, frowning. “It’s just prayer and meditations.”

“Have you read the reports that come out of those places, mom?” Freed felt their hands shaking and tried to keep them clasped around their coffee mug. “They hurt people. And you would have been willing to send me there.”

“I was just following your father’s orders,” Karen said quietly, and for a moment all Freed could see was a confused, frightened woman. She disappeared almost immediately under a veneer of calm and indifference. “And he feels terrible about hurting you. He wants to see you to apologize.”

Freed groaned, setting down their coffee cup and brushing their bangs out of their face. Part of them wanted to tell Karen to forget it, but a tiny, miniscule, nearly insignificant part of them missed their dad. Wanted to see him. Hoped he would apologize and hug them and tell them he loved them and call them his sunflower again.

“Fine.” Karen looked up, surprised. “Laxus and I will meet you for dinner. Tomorrow night, you choose the place and text me the address.”

“Laxus is your... boyfriend, right?” Karen asked, giving Freed a small smile. They nodded. “So, if you’re… is he... a homosexual, too?” Freed sighed, trying not to roll their eyes.

“Laxus’ sexuality is his own business,” they said, draining the last of their coffee and setting the mug on the table. They grabbed their phone and sent a quick text to Bix. _Done_. “All you need to know is that he’s my partner, and we’re happy together. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

“Of course not,” Karen said immediately. “I’ll tell your father to pick somewhere nice to eat. Gabriel will be happy to see you.” Freed wasn’t sure about that.

“Freed? Am I interrupting?” Freed looked up to see Bix standing next to them. Baby was sitting on the ground next to Bix, giving Freed a look that asked if she was going to be getting pets or not.

“Not at all! Mom, this is my roommate, Bix.” Bix held out his hand toward the table, and Karen gave him a puzzled look before putting two and two together and reaching out to shake it. “Bix, this is my mom, Karen.” Baby cocked her head and Freed laughed. “And that’s Baby, Bix’s service dog. No, I’m not petting you, you know the rules.”

“It’s... nice to meet you,” Karen said quietly, looking much more uncomfortable than she had moments ago. “Do you two... work together?”

“Nope,” Bix replied, smile wide and friendly. “We met when Freed moved here.” Karen’s eyes widened and she glanced over at Freed, who sat with their arms crossed over their chest, watching the interaction passively. “They were having a really rough time and didn’t have a place to stay, so they came to live with me.”

Freed considered interrupting Bix and letting their mother get out of the awkwardness of this conversation, but a tiny part of them enjoyed watching her squirm. Plus, nothing Bix was saying was untrue.

“I’m...” Karen swallowed, reaching for her phone on the table.

“Freed is family to me,” Bix continued, voice getting quieter. He was still smiling, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I love them and don’t want to see them get hurt again. It would deeply, _deeply_ upset me.” His hand came down to rest on the back of Freed’s chair.

“Yes, of course,” Karen said quickly.

“Glad we got that out of the way,” Bix said, his smile returning in full force. Baby’s tail began to thump against the floor. “Anyway, we’ve got plans this evening. It was nice to meet you!” He turned to Freed. “Ready to rock?”

“Yes,” said Freed, trying not to smile in amusement at Bix’s (successful) attempt at intimidating their mother. They turned to her and sighed. It was like looking at two people at the same time – their mom who had kissed their forehead and sang them to sleep, and their mother who was practically a stranger. “It was nice to see you,” Freed added, unsure if that was a lie or not. “You’ll text me?”

“Y-yes,” Karen replied, tucking her phone into her purse and standing up. “Thank you for the chai. I’ll talk to your father tonight.” She fidgeted with her cardigan sleeves, then stepped away from the table. “Okay. See you.” Then she turned and darted out of the café.

 

* * *

  
“Babe, it’s fine, I promise.” Laxus sat on the edge of the bed in his boxers, holding his hands out placatingly at Freed, who was pacing back and forth in front of the dresser.

“But what if they’re awful?” Freed’s hands found their way into their hair and they began to pull at it, groaning. “They’re going to be awful. What if they-”

“Then they’re awful,” Laxus replied, reaching out and tugging Freed towards him. He gently disentangled their hands from their hair and kissed their knuckles. “And then we leave and never see them again, if that’s what you want.”

“But my dad will...” Freed trailed off, making a frustrated sound and dropping their head down to rest on Laxus’ shoulder.

“Will what?” Laxus rumbled, running his hands up and down their back. “Be mad?” Freed nodded and Laxus sighed. “He might be, but you’re twenty-six years old and there’s nothing he can do about it.”

“I knowwww,” Freed whined, wriggling until they were sitting on Laxus’ leg. He wrapped both arms around them and kissed them on the forehead. “It’s just scary.”

Laxus sighed, leaning back until he was lying on the bed, and rolled over to bring Freed with him. They both shuffled until they were facing each other, foreheads and knees touching.

“You’re brave,” Laxus said gently, brushing Freed’s bangs away from their face. “And you can change your mind anytime. You’re in control.” Freed inhaled, then blew all the air out slowly.

“I know.” They tipped their head up and pressed a lazy kiss to Laxus’ lips, bringing a hand up to stroke his side. Laxus made a soft sound and moved closer to them. “You’re the best for putting up with this madness. Let’s not talk about it anymore tonight.”

“Mmm,” Laxus agreed, resting a hand in the small of Freed’s back and pulling them tighter. “Good idea. Less talking, more kissing.” Freed laughed, running their tongue along his lower lip.

“What do you want to do?” They asked, drifting their fingers down his thigh and back up again. Laxus hummed softly, shifting his hips toward Freed’s hand.

“I wouldn’t mind bottoming if you’re in the mood for the strap-on,” Laxus murmured, gasping as Freed moved their hand again and pressed against the forming bulge in his boxers. “If not, we-”

“Yes,” Freed said, feeling heat pool between their legs as they thought about taking Laxus. They briefly recalled their first time together and how awkward it had been, navigating a sexual relationship with the body Freed had been given. Laxus hadn’t even been able to say the words ‘strap on’ without turning bright red for months, and now it was second nature.

Laxus dragged them out of their memories by kissing them again, hot and hard, and they moaned against his lips, pressing their bodies together. Laxus slipped his hand under Freed’s shirt, stopping at the edge of their binder.

“On or off?” He asked, playing with the hem.

“On,” Freed replied quietly. Laxus raised an eyebrow and they shook their head. “I took a break this afternoon at work. I’ll take it off after, promise.”

“’kay.” Laxus kissed their forehead, sliding his hands down over their stomach instead, dipping into the waistband of their sweatpants and drifting downward through their soft, blonde curls. “Here okay?” Freed made a soft noise and nodded, shifting their hips so Laxus’ fingers brushed over their clit.

“Mmnnn, Laxus,” they whimpered as he increased the pressure slightly and returned to kissing them. They panted into his mouth, spreading their legs slightly and feeling his fingers skim across their vulva. “Out only.” Laxus made a sound of assent, then pushed his hips forward, rubbing himself against Freed’s thigh.

Freed thumbed the band of Laxus’ boxers and tugged at them, impressed when Laxus managed to shuffle them off while maintaining his gentle touch. Freed leaned forward, pressing soft kisses to Laxus’ jaw while running their fingers teasingly along his thigh, not quite touching him where he wanted. Laxus growled, increasing the pressure with his fingers and dragging his other hand through Freed’s hair, tugging them back up into a deep kiss.

“Lie back,” Freed whispered, sliding down Laxus’ body and pressing soft kisses to his chest and stomach. Laxus made soft noises as Freed’s lips drifted closer and closer to where he wanted them, and when Freed finally drew their tongue up the underside of his cock, he let out a loud gasp. Freed grinned, leaning over to the drawer under the bed and grabbing the lube and the strap on, tossing them on the bed next to Laxus.

“Your mouth is s- _aah_ -sinful,” Laxus groaned as Freed returned to his cock, taking him as deep as they could and enjoying the way their boyfriend’s hips twitched. They loved this – undoing Laxus beneath them, feeling the way that his body responded to their touch. Freed dragged their tongue piercing around the head of Laxus’ cock and he growled in appreciation.

Freed nudged Laxus’ thigh, encouraging him to spread his legs and raise his knees slightly before dropping their mouth lower, pressing kisses along his sac and licking gently behind it. Laxus swore as Freed’s tongue came closer to his entrance and then swiped across it, wet and hot. Young Laxus would have never admitted to enjoying rimming, but the noises he was making now let Freed know it was certainly something he liked.

They continued to tease his entrance with their tongue while they grabbed the lube, slicking their fingers with it and then introducing one finger slowly inside him. Fuck, he was tight. It had been a while since Freed had taken him, and they marveled at the heat and the muscles contracting around their finger.

“Good?” They asked, continuing to thrust gently with their finger while returning their mouth to Laxus’ cock. They looked up at Laxus to see him with his head thrown back, one arm over his face, other hand bunched in the duvet. Slowly adding a second finger made Laxus cry out and arch his back, tensing and then immediately relaxing as he moaned.

“F-fuck, yes, F-freed…” Laxus squirmed on the bed as Freed’s lips closed over his cock again, dipping down and then returning up to swirl around the head. “So f-fuckin g-good.” Freed hummed, continuing to work Laxus with their fingers and mouth until he was a panting wreck underneath them.

“Gimme a sec,” they whispered, withdrawing their fingers and wiping their hand on the duvet. Slipping the strap on over their legs was still a strange feeling, even after all these years, but once it was on, Freed felt a sense of _rightness_. This was definitely what they needed today.

“C’mon, get over here,” Laxus groaned, reaching up for Freed and pulling them down for a kiss. They tugged off their shirt, leaving on the binder, and reached for the lube again, slicking up the silicone cock before pressing it against Laxus’ entrance.

“Ready?” they asked breathlessly. Laxus growled, wrapping one leg around Freed and encouraging them to push into him. He exhaled, groaning as Freed entered him until their hips were touching the back of Laxus’ thighs. “Feel good?”

“You know it does,” Laxus breathed, reaching down and flicking on the tiny vibrator that sat directly over Freed’s clit. They gasped at the intense sensation, thrusting their hips forward instinctively. Laxus grinned, moving his hand back to Freed’s hip. “That’s right, baby. Fuck me.”

Freed complied instantly, pulling back and then thrusting into Laxus again, moaning as the vibrating sensation intensified. They panted, resting their hands on either side of Laxus’ face and leaning down to kiss him as they pressed into him over and over.

“Flip,” they said after a minute, withdrawing slowly and encouraging Laxus to roll onto his stomach and then get up onto his knees. Freed groaned at the sight of Laxus spread out for them, and they couldn’t help leaning down and running their tongue across his entrance. Laxus shivered, hips jerking instinctively. Freed nipped gently at his lower back, then sat up and moved forward, thrusting into Laxus again.

As the room filled with moans and pants and the sound of skin hitting skin, Freed let themselves go to the sensations sparking through their body. Their hands grasping Laxus’ hips; the sight of Laxus’ face as he pressed it into the pillow, brow furrowed and mouth open; the sound of the breathy moans escaping his boyfriend’s lips; the vibrating sensation between their legs…

And then it was too much and they were crying out, thrusting harder into Laxus and shuddering through the waves of intense feeling radiating through them. Laxus reached down to touch himself but Freed pulled out of him, pushing Laxus’ hip to flip him over and then leaning down to take his cock into their mouth again. Laxus cried out, gripping Freed’s shoulders as he bucked his hips up, coming hard and shuddering through the aftershocks as Freed swallowed him down.

After a moment they both collapsed, breathing heavily, and Freed leaned over to press a kiss to Laxus’ jaw.

“Love you,” they whispered, smiling as he tipped his head down to catch their kiss. “Be right back.” They stood up shakily, undoing the strap-on and taking it to the washroom to clean. After washing their hands, they looked at their reflection in the mirror, running a hand through their hair. Then they grabbed the bottom of their binder and tugged it over their head, letting out a soft sound as the pressure was relieved.

And there it was again. Even in their post-orgasmic haze, they immediately hated their reflection – hated the curve at their hips, their breasts, their feminine features. They growled, slamming their hands down on the counter and scowling at themself in the mirror.

“You okay?” Laxus’ voice came from the bedroom and Freed made a sound of affirmation.

“Fine. I need a minute.” Laxus would know what that meant, but Freed locked the door anyway, leaning back against it and sinking down to sit on the floor. They wrapped their arms around their chest, feeling tears running down their cheeks. What was _wrong_ with them?

They felt guilty for crying alone when Laxus was right there to hold them, but this felt too private for him to witness. Freed muffled their quiet sobs by biting their arm, trying to hold themself together but failing miserably.

 _I hate this,_ they thought as their shoulders shook. _I just want to like who I am._ They wiped their face with the back of their hand. _How am I ever going to explain this to my parents when I don’t even understand it myself?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **French Translations**  
>  Je ne sais pas quoi faire = I don't know what to do
> 
> Ugh, I have so many Feelings about this chapter. Karen is a difficult character for me because part of her *might* mean well but she doesn't do a good job of showing it, and comes off as ignorant and rude instead. But part of her also *is* awful because of what she put her child through (and is still doing to them). 
> 
> I enjoyed writing the smut! Again, lots of it is based on my own experience, and not all NB people have the same feelings as me. People who are trans or NB talk about their bodies in different ways - I don't mind words like 'clit' whereas other people would prefer a different word. 
> 
> Protective Bix makes me happy. ^_^ As does Freed & Gray's platonic cuddling because it's the best. 
> 
> The Tempête hoodie from Gray refers to the videogame company he worked at in crash&burn (and still works at).
> 
> And the whole "getting hit with a dildo" thing actually happened to me at work a few weeks ago, so that's not out of nowhere!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed and Laxus meet in real life, but it doesn't go the way Freed had hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for transphobia and misgendering. 
> 
> My favorite part of this chapter is writing Freed as a typical sixteen-year-old.

**Nine** **and** **a Half Years Ago**

“Freed! Stop flirting with your boyfriend and give me a hand!”

Freed glanced up from their phone and shoved it hurriedly in their pocket, saving the rest of Laxus’ messages for later. They peeked their head around the stairs and looked down to see Ever glaring up at them.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Freed said petulantly, sliding around the bannister and taking the steps down two at a time. Ever gave them a _look_ and rolled her eyes affectionately.

“Sure he isn’t,” she said, gesturing for Freed to grab the end of an enormous dog kennel that she was trying to pull into the house. “You moped for _days_ when he went to that town with no wifi and couldn’t message you.”

“I wasn’t _moping_ ,” Freed insisted, pushing their hair out of their eyes and grabbing the end of the kennel. Between the two of them, they managed to maneuver it into the far corner of the living room. 

“So, how is he?” Ever asked, setting the kennel down with a sigh and stretching her arms up until her bellybutton piercing showed. Freed shrugged. “You’re such a _teenager_ ,” Ever complained, and Freed glowered at her. “Alright, go write sappy messages to him. But Bix is gonna be home in an hour with Lily and we’re having dinner _together_ , alright?”

“Yes, mom,” Freed grinned at her, letting her hug them briefly before dashing back up the stairs and into their room.

The spare room had been converted into an actual bedroom, complete with a double bed and a small desk for Freed to do their schoolwork. Bix had managed to get them into an ‘alternative learning program’ to help them complete high school – even though they were technically not a Canadian citizen – and over the last six months they’d nearly finished their diploma.

Freed flopped onto their bed, digging their phone from their pocket and swiping to Laxus’ most recent message.

 **greasedlightning . 27m**  
_Sorry I haven’t written much. Dad’s been really nosy lately so I’ve been writing to you from the bathroom of the RV. If he found these messages… well, it wouldn’t be pretty. I can’t wait until we’re not on the road anymore and I can get more time away from him. Waking up in the same place every morning will be nice, even if he’s still around_ _._   
_I hope things are okay for you. How’s your schoolwork? I think about you every_ _day.  
__Love, Laxus_

Freed sighed, frowning as they pictured Laxus hiding from his father in a tiny washroom. Over the last six months they’d messaged each other nearly every day, and Freed had slowly started to realize that they were more than a bit infatuated with Laxus. They couldn’t remember the first time one of them had signed their message with ‘love’, but it still gave Freed chills to see it.

 **runique . now**  
_I’m sorry your dad is such an asshole. I wish you could come here and..._

Freed shook their head, deleting the message and starting over again.

_I’m sorry things are shitty with your dad. It’s exciting that you’re finally going to stop somewhere for a while – hopefully it’s somewhere warm and sunny! The beach here is beautiful right now and I think you’d like it..._

Freed groaned, dropping their phone on the bed and burying their face in the pillow. Everything they wrote sounded idiotic. What was wrong with them? It wasn’t as if Laxus was going to end up here – Canada was an enormous country, and the chance of them even being in the same _province_ was astronomically low. But every time Freed’s phone buzzed, something flipped in their stomach, and their cheeks flushed red. They _liked_ Laxus, and even though he migh-

 _Bzzzt_.

Freed snatched up their phone.

 **greasedlightning . now**  
_I’ve been sitting here with my thumb over the ‘send’ button for half an hour now and I’m just gonna do it. Freed, I really like you. I know it’s stupid and we’ve never met and maybe you’re just some... I dunno, forty-year-old woman who likes to play games with gay kids. But maybe you’re not. The chance of us ever meeting is next to nothing, but you mentioned before you were by a beach. The place we’re settling down is on the ocean – it’s called Magnolia._

The air rushed out of Freed’s lungs and they were fairly certain that their heart stopped. Was this a joke? Was the universe cruelly taunting them? They glanced around the room, half-expecting to find Ever popping out of their closet to laugh at them. Taking a deep breath, they returned to the message.

_Anyway, maybe you live nearby. Probably not. I just... if we’re ever in the same corner of the world, I’d love to take you for coffee. If you wanted to, that is. So just... yeah. I’m hitting send now._

Freed sat up completely, setting their phone down on the center of the bed carefully before grabbing their pillow and covering their face while they shouted in excitement.

“Holy shit,” they whispered, feeling a burst of warmth spreading out from their chest. Freed picked up the phone again and stared at the message, reading and re-reading it. Their brain was going a million miles a minute, but when they finally ended up responding to the message, it was just one simple line.

 **runique . now**  
_I live in Magnolia._

A response popped up almost immediately, and Freed’s face curved into a smile.

 **greasedlightning . now**  
_Holy shit, seriously? What are the chances? That’s… wow, I can’t even think right now. We’re going to be there in two weeks. Can we meet? I know that’s forward but I just… I want to see you in person._

 **runique . now**  
_Yes, yes, yes. It’s not forward, I’ve been thinking the same thing but I was scared to say anything. Two weeks. I can’t believe you’re actually going to be here._

Freed stared stupidly at their phone, unable to stop grinning. Was this actually happening? Everything felt surreal, like they were walking through a dream. They rubbed their hands over their face, jumping when they heard Ever’s voice on the stairs.

“Freed! Supper!”

“Be right down!” they shouted back, typing out one last message to Laxus.

 **runique . now**  
_I have to go now, but_ _I’ll talk to you later and we’ll make plans. I can’t wait to meet you._

 

* * *

 

“So… Laxus is moving to Magnolia.”

Freed toyed with the chow mein on their plate, twirling it with their chopsticks and then dropping it back into a pile. Both Bix and Ever were oddly silent, and Freed glanced up at them. Bix was giving them a small smile, but Ever looked concerned.

“You told him where you live?” she asked carefully. Freed rolled their eyes.

“Magnolia’s a big town, it’s not like I gave him our address,” they said sullenly, bouncing their knee under the table. “Besides, he told me where he was moving first. He wants to meet up.”

“That could be d-”

“Ever,” Bix chided gently. “Lots of people meet online these days. As long as Freed’s safe about it, I don’t see it being a problem.” Freed stiffened a little at Bix’s choice of words – he made it seem like Freed needed their permission to meet Laxus. And while Freed was eternally grateful for the home Bix and Ever had given them, they weren’t Freed’s parents.

“I’m not… asking for permission,” Freed said, frowning. Ever’s expression hardened a bit, and Freed sighed. “Can’t you just trust me? You’re not my mom.”

“Freed,” Bix warned gently. “Don’t be rude.” Freed deflated a little, dropping their chopsticks and running a hand through their bright green hair. It had grown out a bit in the past six months, and they’d taken Ever up on her offer to help them dye it. It really did look good on them.

“Sorry,” they said quietly. “I just thought you’d be excited. I really… I really like him.” They swallowed, feeling their cheeks turn red. “And I know he might be some guy living in his dad’s basement, I’m not stupid. I’m gonna meet him somewhere public. But why would he lie about everything? He feels… real.”

“And he probably is,” Bix said, popping a piece of shrimp into his mouth. Next to the table, Lily looked at him imploringly. “No begging, Lil,” Bix chided. “What’s your plan?”

“I was going to meet him at that café on the beach,” Freed said, shifting uncomfortably in their seat. “There’s lots of people there. He said he’s never seen the ocean.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” Bix said, leaning back in his chair. “Freed, we know we’re not your parents. Hell, we’re only five years older than you.” He scratched at the stubble on his chin. “But we’re responsible for you right now. We didn’t take you in because we wanted to control your life – we want you to be happy.”

Freed looked down at the floor, embarrassment blooming in their chest.

“You’ve only gotta put up with us for another year and a half,” Ever joked, reaching over and resting her hand on Freed’s arm.

Freed took a shaky breath. That wasn’t what they wanted – they didn’t want to leave here. Bix and Ever were their family now.

“Once you’re eighteen your aunt will help you get your citizenship and you can do whatever you’d like,” Ever added. “But for now, we just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“I know,” Freed whispered, feeling foolish and frustrated. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” Bix said gently. Lily whined in agreement. “Now, when is he moving here?”

 

* * *

 

“I think I’m going to die.”

Ever rolled her eyes at Freed’s declaration, brushing the hair out of their eyes. She was standing in the middle of their room, looking over the array of outfits that Freed had thrown on the bed.

“You’re not going to die,” she said dismissively, waving her hand at them. She picked up a collared dress shirt from the bed, held it against Freed’s chest, and shook her head. “You binding?”

“Yes,” Freed replied immediately. When the counsellor from the Pride Centre had introduced them to the concept and helped them get a second-hand binder, it had been life-changing. Suddenly, baggy hoodies hadn’t been their only wardrobe choice, and they’d been able to fit into the clothes they liked without feeling uncomfortable. They didn’t wear it every day – sometimes they didn’t mind having breasts – but most days they found themself binding under their clothes. 

“Breathe,” Ever said gently, holding up another shirt and rejecting it. “Seriously, just wear shorts and a t-shirt. You’re going to the beach.”

“It’s not… it’s hard to feel good in something today,” Freed said, waving their hands in the air. Of course today had to be a day where Freed hated every single outfit they tried on. The room was littered with rejected clothes. “I don’t… feel right.” Ever gave them a sympathetic look.

“All right, here.” Ever shoved a pile of clothes into Freed’s hands. They looked at them with trepidation – khaki shorts and a green-and-blue patterned short-sleeved button-up. “Wear those canvas shoes with it. And the green sunglasses.” She gave Freed another once-over. “And do something with your hair.”

Half an hour later, Freed was standing at the front door, hair styled messily, feeling incredibly self-conscious and playing with the arms of their sunglasses.

“You look awesome,” Ever said gently, patting Freed on the cheek. “Don’t they, Bix?”

“Oh yeah,” Bix replied sarcastically, leaning against the doorframe. Ever laughed, nudging Bix gently. “If he’s a good guy, he’ll like you no matter what you look like.” Freed rolled their eyes and Bix reached a foot out to kick them gently in the shin. “I can _hear_ it when you do that.” Freed snorted.

“Alright, I gotta go.” Freed tapped their foot nervously against the floor, trying to shove down the hundreds of butterflies that were currently doing gymnastics in their stomach. Ever had been right about the outfit and they were feeling pretty good about how they looked, but the idea of actually _meeting_ and _talking to_ Laxus was still terrifying. “I’ll text you once we meet up.” Suddenly a pair of arms were around them, and Freed let out a soft _oof_.

“Good luck,” Ever said, squeezing Freed tightly and pressing a kiss to their forehead. “Just remember to breathe.”

The walk to the beach took about twenty minutes, which gave Freed plenty of time to a) get much sweatier than they would have liked, and b) panic about their impending meeting (date?) with Laxus. He had arrived in Magnolia yesterday morning, and they’d spent all of yesterday talking about their plans for today.  

The sun was high and hot – a perfect day to walk the beach – and Freed could hear the sound of kids playing before they could see them. The sand was littered with umbrellas and families having picnics, and Freed shivered as they watched a brave few souls venture out into the ocean.

The café where they were meeting was situated just before the beach started, at the end of a wide, vehicle-free area littered with pop-up stalls selling various items.

Freed glanced down at their phone – 1:58 pm, two minutes before their agreed-upon time. Were they supposed to show up on time, Freed wondered suddenly? Was that normal? Or was it fashionable to be late, so they didn’t look too eager? What if Laxus was already here? What if they didn’t recognize each other?

The thoughts and questions whirled around in Freed’s mind, paralyzingly them and making them seriously consider turning back and fleein-

“Freed?” A tall, muscular boy with close-cropped blond hair and a deep scar through his eye was standing in front of Freed on the street, hands shoved into the pockets of a pair of khaki shorts. He had a thick leather bracelet around his left wrist, and a pair of headphones resting around his neck.

“I, um… y-yes. Freed. Is me.” Freed swallowed, part of them hoping that a black hole would open beneath them and devour them so that they didn’t have to be awkward around this… incredibly attractive boy. _Holy shit_ , he was hot.

“Hey.” The boy’s face transformed into a lazy smile, and he shifted from foot to foot. “It’s me. Laxus.” He held out his hand and Freed took it carefully. His grip was strong and his fingers were warm and soft.

“It’s… nice to meet you,” Freed said shyly. They suddenly felt like crossing their arms over their chest, or finding a dark corner to hide in. What business did they have being interested in someone so _exponentially_ more attractive than them?

“I’d…” Laxus frowned, giving Freed a more thorough once-over. _Oh no_ _,_ their outfit was probably stupid. Or did they have something on their face? Or maybe their hair was horrib- “Wait, a-are you a _girl?”_

 _Oh, fuck._ A sick feeling started to grow in Freed’s stomach, accompanied by an uncomfortable heat flooding over their face and chest. Their hands started to tremble, and they clenched them tightly at their sides.

“N-no,” they said, but their voice was soft and hesitant. Laxus raised an eyebrow and took a small step back. “Y-you… um…”

“I thought you were a boy,” Laxus said gruffly, expression growing more and more uncomfortable. “Your profile… it said you were a guy.”

“M-my p-profile? Oh, s-shit, I… they didn’t have a… neutral option,” Freed stammered, mind whirling with panic.

Didn’t they tell Laxus they were non-binary? They’d assumed it had been discussed at some point, but now that they thought about it, Freed realized that the topic might very well have been skipped over if Laxus made the assumption that Freed was, in fact, a guy.

“A neutral… what does that mean?” Laxus’ posture was becoming more and more closed off, and Freed shrank back a little, trying to keep their embarrassment under control.

“N-non-binary,” they nearly whispered, dropping their gaze to the pavement. “I s-swear, I th-thought we talked about it…”

“No way,” Laxus asserted. “I would have remembered that conversation. So, what, you’re… like a cross-dresser or something?” Freed winced, on the verge of tears.

“N-no, I just… I use ‘they’ and ‘them’ as p-pronouns,” they explained, trying to keep their voice steady. “I’m not a boy or a g-girl.”

“But you _are_ a girl,” Laxus insisted, gesturing at Freed’s body and resting uncertainly over their flat chest. “Aren’t you? Like, you don’t have a…” He made a vague gesture to his crotch.

Freed squeezed their eyes shut and took a step back, bringing a hand up to their face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Where was the sweet boy who sent them kind messages in the middle of the night? The one who listened to them talk about missing their family, the one who wrote them silly limericks when they were sad?

“That’s… you…” Freed wrapped an arm around their stomach, feeling like they might be sick. They suddenly remembered that they were outside, in the middle of the market, with people standing all around them. “I’m the s-same person.”

“No, you’re not,” Laxus said, eyebrows furrowed. “You lied to me.”

“I n-never lied,” Freed swore, forcing themself to look up at Laxus. “Y-you didn’t ask, I would have t-told you. I thought we… I’m sorry. But I’m still…”

“But you’re not,” Laxus insisted, shaking his head. “I’m gay. I don’t like… girls.” Freed flinched. “Whatever you call it, you’re not a guy.”

Freed couldn’t hold it in anymore – they started to cry. They backed up another step, looking around for a way out. They couldn’t do this anymore. This wasn’t the boy they thought they knew.

“No, I’m not a guy, but I’m not a girl, either,” Freed said, sniffing and wiping at their face. The confidence they’d felt leaving the house was shattered now, and all they wanted was to get home and burn this outfit. “Y-you’re a d-dick. I’m leaving.”

Laxus actually looked surprised, running a hand through his hair and sighing. A look of guilt flashed across his face.

“Look, I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t bother apologizing,” Freed interrupted, anger slowly replacing their embarrassment. “It’s clear what y-you _really_ think of m-me.” They dug into their pocket and pulled out their phone, thumbing through to Bix’s number. “S-sorry I wasted your t-time.”

 _Coming home. Didn’t go well._ They typed as quickly as possible with one hand, then turned on their heel and started back towards home.

“Freed, wait,” Laxus insisted, reaching out for them. Freed yanked their arm away, turning to glare at him.

“Fuck you,” they hissed. “I never want to hear from you again.”

 

* * *

 

Despite their heated words to Laxus, Freed lasted only two days before opening the app and checking their messages. They were both disappointed and relieved to see that not only had Laxus not sent them anything, he hadn’t even been online since their “meeting”.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Bix had said, holding Freed tight while they had cried. They hadn’t even made it home before the tears had turned into sobs. Both Bix and Ever had spent the evening cuddling with Freed on the couch and eating ice cream – after they’d convinced Ever to _not_ hunt Laxus down and kill him.

The next few weeks went by in a haze. Freed kept themself busy – between finishing their diploma, working at the used bookstore where Bix’s friend let them get paid under the table, and going to group at the Pride Centre, they should have barely had time to think about Laxus. Yet somehow, he managed to take up most of Freed’s waking moments. The confusion on his face, the frustration he’d exuded... all of it hurt.

Why had Laxus been so different in real life than he had been online? He had only ever been kind when they’d written to each other. And had they really never talked about Freed’s gender identity? Part of Freed wanted to go back and read every message they’d sent each other, but Bix had talked them out of it, and in the end, Freed had decided to delete the app altogether.  

“Freed, Jamie needed to take a break, can you cover the till for half an hour?” Freed looked up from the pile of books they were pricing, blinking as they realized that their boss was talking to them. It was nearing the end of July, one of the store’s slower months, and Freed had been taking advantage of the downtime to skim through the new arrivals.

“Sure,” they responded, pushing themself up from the floor and stretching. They brushed their bangs out of their eyes, tugging at their tank top and moving up to the front of the store.

Freed could smell the salt of the ocean on the breeze through the open front door and they closed their eyes, smiling at the sensation. The bell dinged as someone stepped into the store, and Freed looked up.

“Good afternoon, can I h-” They stopped, putting both hands on the counter. It was Laxus.

He was much more tanned than he had been a month ago, and his blonde hair was a bit longer, but it was definitely him. Freed couldn’t help sweeping their eyes up over his impressive shoulders and tight t-shirt, then shook their head.

“Freed?” Laxus looked up at them, eyes wide and hopeful. Part of Freed was tempted to turn on their heel and walk away into the back room, but the other part of them was horrified by the bruise that ran down Laxus’ jaw.

“What happened to your face?” They asked before they could help themself. Laxus raised a hand to the mark self-consciously, then shrugged.

“It’s… not important,” he said, taking a cautious step towards Freed, as if they were a wild animal he was trying his best not to frighten. “Listen, I am so, _so_ sorry. I was a complete asshole, and what I said was completely inexcusable. I wanted to write to you, but-”

“But what?” Freed asked coldly, crossing their arms over their chest. “It’s been a month. You’ve had plenty of time to say you’re sorry. Get out.” They swallowed, feeling their stomach churn.

“Please, I’m… I couldn’t use the app anymore,” Laxus said miserably, face crumpling. “My dad took my phone away – the morning we met up. He saw that I’d been messaging you.” Freed’s eyes flicked down to the bruise again and their heart dropped.

“Did he…” they nodded their head at Laxus’ jaw. Laxus didn’t respond, just looked at the floor.

“Look, I just… can we talk?” Laxus glanced up at Freed, who returned the gaze uncertainly. Ever would likely kill them for even considering it, but Laxus looked so… sad. “Preferably not when you’re working?” Bix might be disappointed too – he’d been the one to listen to Freed rant about what an asshole Laxus was.

“Fine.” The word escaped Freed’s mouth before they could stop it, but before they could take it back, Laxus’ face brightened a bit. “I’m done at eight. Meet me out front.” Freed uncrossed their arms and leaned against the counter. “And don’t think I’ve forgiven you. You said some really awful, hurtful things.”

“I know,” Laxus said, picking at his thumbnail. “And I’m so sorry. I’ll try to…I can’t excuse that I said but maybe I can explain it.” Freed nodded, then gestured at the walls.

“Can I help you find something?”

 

* * *

 

Eight o’clock couldn’t come soon enough. Freed was so distracted for the rest of their shift that Kristin had ended up sending them back to pricing books instead of interacting with customers. When the shop was finally closed and the till counted, Freed grabbed their bag and made their way to the front of the store, terrified that Laxus might have changed his mind and wouldn’t be there.

Freed’s fears were unfounded. Laxus was leaning against the brick wall, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his shorts, staring intently at the pavement. When he saw Freed, his face lit up.

“Hey,” he said awkwardly, standing up and scuffing his shoe on the sidewalk. “I, uh, I thought you might have changed your mind.” He swallowed, visibly uncomfortable.

“Me too,” Freed said, playing with the rainbow pin on their bag strap. Now that they were here, they weren’t sure what to do. “I guess we were both wrong.”

“I guess so.” An awkward silence stretched between the two until Laxus finally looked up and made eye contact. “Want to… walk down to the beach?”

Freed hesitated. They didn’t want Laxus to think he was forgiven for his cruel words – the assertion that Freed was a girl and that somehow them not having a dick was Laxus’ business still stung. On the other hand, Laxus seemed genuinely sorry, and Freed was curious to hear the explanation for his behavior. And, if they were being totally honest with themself, they missed him.

“Sure,” they said finally. Laxus looked surprised, but nodded and fell into step beside Freed, hands still in his pockets. The sun wouldn’t set for another hour, and the beach was busy with families soaking up the last rays of sun.

When they reached the sand, Freed took a quick right, then led Laxus down a barely-visible path until they ended up at a large area full of driftwood. The logs were so old they were turning white, and Freed hopped up onto one of them, gesturing for Laxus to take a seat as well.

“This is… wow.” Laxus took in their surroundings – the soft sand, the driftwood, the sun hanging low over the ocean. “I’m still not used to it. We’d… I’d never seen the ocean before we came here.”

“Me either,” Freed admitted, thinking of their first days in Magnolia. “Wisconsin is pretty far from the coast.” They hesitated. “I like living here.”

“Me too,” Laxus said quietly. “My dad… he wants to leave again. He had a ‘visitation’ and apparently God wants us to keep moving.” He rubbed his thumb and middle finger together nervously. “I think he’s… got a warrant out for his arrest, or something. He’s always running.”

“You’re leaving, then?” Freed asked quietly. Their immediate reaction was dismay, even though they had told Bix and Ever that they never wanted to see Laxus again.

“No,” Laxus said, kicking off his shoes and digging his toes into the sand. “I convinced him to stay. There’s a church here that he’s involved in. I promised I would go with him if he promised to stay.”

The sound of gulls fighting over picnic scraps was a background to the loaded silence that followed. Finally, Freed sighed.

“He hit you.” It wasn’t a question. Laxus made a face, and for a moment Freed thought he would deny it, but he merely shrugged and hung his head. “You should-”

“Tell someone?” Laxus said bitterly. “Like who? The cops?” He sighed. “My dad’s… influential. I tried to leave once and it didn’t go well.” He rubbed at a thick white scar on the inside of his left wrist and Freed’s heart sunk. “When you told me you left your family, I was so… jealous. I mean, I know it wasn’t easy for you, but…”

Freed was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry,” they said eventually. Laxus shook his head.

“No, we’re here for _me_ to apologize, not you.” He took a deep breath and looked Freed in the eyes. “I’m so sorry for the things I said. They were ignorant and inexcusable.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “This isn’t an excuse… I just…” He exhaled loudly. “That morning, my dad found my phone. Found my messages to you. He was furious. I’m sure you know what that’s like.” Freed nodded sadly. “I spent hours locked in the bathroom, convincing him that it wasn’t a phase, wasn’t just some teenage rebellion, that being gay was who I was and he couldn’t beat it out of me. Eventually he fucked off and I came to meet you.”

The sun was dipping lower now, spreading orange ribbons over the water. The shouts of children were fading, replaced with the soothing crash of waves against the beach.

“I was so excited to meet you,” Laxus said quietly. “Writing to you was one of the only things that kept me sane on the road. And then… I thought…”

“You thought I was a girl,” Freed supplied, tucking their legs up against their chest. They rested their head on their knees and gazed at Laxus curiously. “When you’d just spent your morning convincing your dad you were gay.”

“Yeah.” Laxus sunk down off the log until the was sitting in the sand and began to draw it through his fingers. “And I’d… I know this sounds stupid but I’d never met someone… like you before.” He began to make piles with the sand, the crush them with his palm. “I’d never met someone who was transgender either. I grew up pretty sheltered… dad wanted to keep me away from those kinds of things.”

“But you know better now?” Freed asked hesitantly. This boy seemed more like the gentle one they’d messaged with for all those months. He was soft and vulnerable in the rays of the setting sun.

“I did some research,” Laxus admitted. “There’s a computer at the youth center and I read a lot. I can’t believe how… cruel I was.” He rested his chin on his forearms and glanced up at Freed. “I know I can’t make up for what I said, I just wanted you to… understand.” He sighed. “And I get it if you still never want to see me again.”

Freed groaned, running their hands through their hair. A day ago, it had seemed simple – Laxus was an asshole who had been awful to Freed, and they were no longer speaking. But now… Laxus had still been awful, but Freed was beginning to see that those words had come from someone in terrible pain.

“I don’t know,” Freed admitted, leaning their head in one hand. “I get it. But I was so hurt, and so embarrassed. Being called a girl is humiliating. I’m _not_ a girl.”

“I know,” Laxus said quietly. “I get that now. And me acting like it matters if you’ve got a dick or not is just…” He covered his face. “Fuck, I just feel like the worst person.”

“You’re not… the _worst_ person,” Freed said begrudgingly. “At least you apologized. I just feel…” They chewed their bottom lip, trying to figure out how to word it. “I really liked you. And to find out that you can’t – don’t – feel the same was just…”

“But I do,” Laxus whispered, and Freed looked over at him, frowning. Laxus kept his eyes on the sand. “I do like you. It’s just… confusing, and I’m an idiot.” Freed’s heart skipped a few beats and they dug their fingers into their arms. Laxus liked them? But…

“But you said…” Freed swallowed. “I mean, I have… a… a girl’s body.” Their voice wavered and they bit their lip, willing themself not to cry.

“I know,” Laxus said. “But maybe… I dunno, does it matter? Should it matter? I’ve been thinking about this so much, trying to… to figure out _what_ I am. If I like you, and you’re not a guy, am I gay? Are _you_ gay? Can you even _be_ gay or straight if you’re neither? Is it even… important?”

Freed took several deep breaths, trying to calm their racing heart. These were questions they’d considered, but they’d never expected Laxus to rethink his own sexuality because of them.

“I’m… I just call myself queer,” Freed said, shifting until they were sitting cross-legged on the piece of driftwood. “I like people.” Laxus looked up at them.

“Maybe that’s a good philosophy,” he said thoughtfully, brushing sand off the fine, blond hair on his legs. “Or maybe I just like _you_ and it… doesn’t matter what you are. It’s just you.” He buried his head in his arms, embarrassed. “You’re just… you’re funny and thoughtful and you made me feel like I wasn’t alone. And I fucked that up so badly, and I won’t ever be able to make up for it-”

“Kiss me.” Freed nearly slapped their hand over their mouth after the words burst out. Laxus looked up at them, eyes wide with surprise. Freed’s stomach felt light, suddenly, and they dug their fingers into the fabric of their jeans as they stared at Laxus. They wanted him to kiss them. His apology would never undo what he’d said, but it was honest.

“What… are… you sure?” Laxus looked terrified, but he had shifted his body so he was angled slightly towards Freed. Before they could change their mind, Freed slid down from the driftwood and settled into the sand next to Laxus.

“If you’re sorry, prove it,” they said, realizing that Laxus had a smattering of freckles across his nose. “Date me. Treat me kindly. Apologize to my roommates for making them worry.” Freed swallowed, hoping that Bix and Ever wouldn’t be too upset with them. “Make me believe that you want this.”

“I do,” Laxus whispered, bringing a hand up to tentatively touch Freed’s cheek. Freed leaned into the touch, exhaling softly. “And I will.”

He leaned in slowly, giving Freed plenty of time to back away. Their lips brushed hesitantly at first, and Freed’s stomach felt like it had dropped out of them completely. Laxus’ fingers brushed through their hair as he kissed them, each touch firmer and more confident, until Freed was breathing soft sounds into his mouth.

“Wow,” said Laxus, resting his forehead against Freed’s and exhaling softly. His cheeks were flushed pink and he bit his lip. “That… was the first time I’ve kissed someone.” Freed blinked. Someone as attractive as Laxus had never kissed anyone? Even Freed had made out with a few boys – and girls – from the drama club at their high school.

“Well, you’re not bad,” Freed teased, hesitantly resting their hand on Laxus’ chest and leaning in again.

As they kissed and kissed under the backdrop of the sunset, Freed felt a _rightness_ settle inside of them. The anger that they’d been holding onto faded away, and all they were left with was the sound of the waves, and the feeling of Laxus’ lips on theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, trauma doesn't give you the right to act like an asshole. That scene actually was very upsetting to write, so much ignorance and ingrained hatred. Bleh. At least I got to rectify it with sunset kisses. 
> 
> Exploring the whole "am I gay if you're not a man" question is really important for me. It's something that my partner and I struggle with a lot. Labels can be affirming and also limiting, and there's no right answer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed gets an unexpected visit at the Pride Center. Laxus and Freed go for dinner with Freed's parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for misgendering, homophobia, transphobia, shitty family dynamics, mentions of child abuse, and people just generally being dicks.
> 
> Here's another chapter featuring the mythical Dudes & Folks Who Tell Other Dudes & Folks They Love Them Platonically And Are Also Totally Into Cuddling. Apparently this is a Thing I write because fuck the patriarchy and toxic masculinity, that's why.

Freed woke to the sound of their phone going off several times in a row.

“You’re popular this morning,” Laxus commented as he came out of the bathroom, clad only in a towel and brushing his teeth. Freed hummed and sat up, tugging Laxus over to them and kissing his stomach. Laxus ran a hand affectionately through Freed’s morning hair, then headed back to the bathroom to spit out his toothpaste.

Yawning, Freed rolled over and grabbed their phone from the nightstand, thumbing through the messages.

 **Gray**  
_J’espère que tout s’est bien passé avec ta mère. Je t’aime._

   
**Natsu**  
_hey, gray told me ur mom came by and was kind of a bitch. Im sorry, family is shit somtimes but u always have us. see u on friday and good luck._

  
**Ryos**  
_Thinking of you. I’m sending Sting in tomorrow, he needs to relax so I told him help with the envelopes. <3_

  
**Ever**  
_That sex better have been fantastic cause Bix and I could hear you over our movie you pervs. Hope it helped you feel better._

Freed rolled their eyes at Ever’s text – it was sweet, in a strange way – then responded to the rest of them quickly. The sun was shining through the window, warming the exposed patch of Freed’s back where their shirt had ridden up. They made a satisfied sound, burrowing back into the duvet.

“You working today?” Laxus toweled off his hair, heading to the dresser to grab his clothes. Freed dropped the phone and caught Laxus halfway, wrapping their arms around his waist and pressing a kiss just below his bellybutton. Laxus made a soft noise, dropping a hand to rest on Freed’s shoulder.

“Not for a couple hours,” Freed said coyly, kissing Laxus’ hipbone. He tasted like water with a hint of Old Spice, and Freed dragged their tongue lower. “Ever complained about us being loud last night.”

“Did she?” Laxus breathed, hips jerking forward as Freed kissed lower down, into the crease of his thigh. “W-what are we gonna do about that?” Freed grinned, running a hand around Laxus’ back and over his ass.

“You’re going to practice being quiet,” Freed breathed, pressing kisses back up Laxus’ side and sitting up so they could catch his nipple between their teeth. The silver barbells there made the area more sensitive, and Freed circled their tongue around the nub, feeling Laxus moan and twitch under their hands.

“Freed...” Laxus brought a hand to the back of Freed’s neck and digging his fingers into their hair. Freed hummed, shimmying until they were kneeling on the bed, putting them face to face with Laxus. “C’mere, you,” Laxus murmured, tugging Freed into a lazy kiss. Freed made a soft noise into his mouth, bringing their hand up to rub a thumb over Laxus’ nipple. “You know I... _aah_... gotta get going.”

“I know,” Freed murmured, nudging Laxus and moving their lips to his neck. Laxus shivered at the feel of teeth on his freshly-shaven jaw, dampness still clinging to his skin. “How much time do we have?” Freed nipped at Laxus’ ear. “I’ll bring you breakfast when I go to work.”

“That’s... mmm... not really... _aah_... on your w-way,” Laxus stuttered, leaning forward and pushing Freed back onto the bed. He straddled them, leaning over to kiss them while he ran a hand up their side. They were still wearing their baggy shirt that they’d slept in, and they looked up at Laxus contemplatively.

Fighting against the feeling of uncertainty in their stomach, Freed reached down and tugged the shirt off, throwing it to the floor and leaving themself completely naked. They took a shaky breath, forcing themself to look up at Laxus.

“Fuck, you’re amazing,” Laxus breathed, leaning forward to kiss Freed’s collarbone. His hand remained on their side, thumb rubbing circles on their stomach. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Freed murmured, voice trailing off into a moan as Laxus ran his tongue over the hollow of their throat. He moved downwards a bit, pressing a kiss to the space just above their breasts.

“Can I?” Laxus asked, sitting up slightly and forcing Freed to make eye contact with him. “It’s okay if you  don-”

“Yes,” Freed said, taking Laxus’ free hand and bringing it up to rest just under their breast. Laxus lifted his thumb up and ran it over Freed’s nipple, and they shivered. They did this so rarely – Freed usually either wore a shirt or their binder when they had sex.

“Okay?” Laxus asked, leaning down and taking one of Freed’s nipples into his mouth, sucking lightly and making Freed buck up underneath him.

“Ffff,” Freed mumbled, dazed by the feeling of sharp teeth and Laxus’ warm tongue. “I need… _mnnn_ , I need to be… okay… just like this.”

Laxus stopped what he was doing and looked Freed in the eyes, pressing their foreheads together. Freed tipped their head up and kissed him gently.

“I need to feel at home in my body,” they murmured against his lips.

“I think I can help with that,” Laxus said, wrapping his arms around Freed and pulling them into him. “But we might make Ever mad again.”

They both ended up being late for work.

 

* * *

 

When Freed pushed open the door to the Pride Center, he was greeted by a young man with bleached blonde hair and a pierced eyebrow sitting at the desk.

“Sting! I haven’t seen you in forever.” Freed pulled him into a hug which Sting returned enthusiastically. “How are you?”

“Okay,” Sting said, taking a step back and fiddling with the beaded bracelet on his left wrist. He had told Freed once that they were mala beads that he used to help him meditate. “Ryos told me I had to come do filing to ‘sort out my brain.’” He made quotation marks in the air. “Hope that’s okay.”

“That’s more than okay,” Freed said, smiling and hanging up their jacket. It was one of those days where they needed a jacket in the morning, but by the afternoon they were going to wish they had worn shorts. “I’m glad we get to catch up. How’s school?”

“It’s hard right now,” Sting admitted, tugging at the hem of his faded t-shirt. Freed nodded, giving him a sympathetic look. “I, um, I had a- a seizure during my exam yesterday.” His face flushed bright red. “Apparently anxiety triggers them now, so that’s… yeah.”

“Oh, Sting, I’m so sorry.” Freed squeezed Sting’s shoulder gently, guiding him to the table at the back of the room. “Are you okay?” Sting shrugged, sitting down and rubbing his face.

“Physically? Okay, just a bruise or two.” He gestured to his forearm where a purple mark was spreading across his skin. “Emotionally? …ugh.” He groaned. “It’s just embarrassing. The teacher knew about it and even read my bracelet and _still_ called an ambulance.” Freed made a sympathetic noise.

“Sometimes the professors can be… insensitive,” they said. “Did you have to talk with disability services again?”

“Mmm,” Sting replied, pulling a box of envelopes and a stack of labels toward him. He started sorting them with impressive efficiency. “I’ll probably be able to take the rest of my exams in a private room. They have these therapy dogs at the school that they can bring out, for students with anxiety, so I guess the upside of all this is that I get to cuddle with puppies?”

Freed smiled, settling themself down across from Sting and pulling the laptop toward them. They needed to send out packages to the campers today with all the consent forms and information for their parents to sign. They had almost fifty teens attending this year, and Freed was glad that they had been able to rope most of their friends into volunteering. Wrangling this many kids was going to be quite the challenge.

“Baby is always up for cuddles when she’s not working,” Freed offered. “Why don’t you and Ryos come over for dinner this weekend?” Sting smiled and nodded. “Is there anything else I can do?” 

“I like this,” Sting said, peeling the labels from the page and sticking them to each envelope. “It’s relaxing. And quiet. Helps me keep my mind off things. Natsu’s gone so my work with him is on hold, and I really… don’t have much to do except study. Which apparently is bad for my brain. Hence Ryos sending me here.”

Freed nodded. Sting apprenticed under Natsu at the garage, taking both university courses and technical classes at the same time. No wonder he was stressed.

“How did it go with your parents?” Sting asked, running the beads on his bracelet through his fingers one by one.

“Laxus and I are meeting them for dinner tonight,” Freed said, tapping at the keyboard. “I’m trying not to be optimistic.” Sting made a face.

“Sounds like they’re…” he trailed off, clearly not sure how he could describe them without insulting Freed. “…difficult?”

“Prejudiced,” Freed added, rubbing the bridge of their nose. “Stuck in their ways. I really don’t think that time has changed them. They’re the same people now that they were when I was sixteen.”

Sting nodded in understanding, and they lapsed into comfortable silence for nearly half an hour while they sorted and typed. Freed was almost finished with their spreadsheet when the windchime sounded again. They looked up to see a young man standing in the doorway.

“Good morning, can I help you?” Freed stood up and moved over to the man, who eyed him hesitantly. “Were you looking for something specific? Or did you need to speak with our counsellor?”

“No, I, um… I’m looking for someone,” the man stammered. He held his jacket in front of him as if protecting himself and glanced out the door nervously. “Is F-freed here?”

“That’s me,” Freed replied slowly, gesturing for the boy to come further into the room. “Are you in trouble? What’s your name?”

“It’s, um… Freed, it’s me. Gabriel.

 

* * *

 

“So… he lied.” Freed sat on the couch next to their brother, holding their coffee between their hands and picking at the rim angrily. “Or mom did, anyway.” Gabriel sighed.

“I’m really sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t… I really thought they were trying to make up. If I’d known he just wanted you to come home…”

“Well he’s out of luck on that front,” Freed growled, standing up and sighing. “There’s no way I’m going back to Wisconsin.” They ran a hand through their hair, pushing it back over their shoulder. “Did he seriously think…”

Freed looked down at Gabriel, who was sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees, looking dejected. He was so different than the fourteen-year-old brother that Freed remembered – he had grown a beard and cut his hair short, and he was a _man_ now, not a little boy.

“It’s not your fault,” Freed said gently. “I’m sorry. I’m just…” They sighed. “I had hoped. Naïve of me, I suppose.”

“Hope isn’t naïve,” Gabriel replied, and Freed gave him a half-smile. “And I just… Ama- Freed, I don’t understand this life, and I won’t pretend to approve of it.” Freed felt their smile faltering. Clearly Gabriel was wrong – hope was bringing Freed nothing but disappointment lately. “But I still love you. You’re my sister, and I won’t… I won’t call you by your old name if it hurts you.”

A part of Freed wanted to cling to this as a kindness, a redemption of their little brother. He was willing to respect their name, and that should be enough, right? Another part was angry and wanted to scream that humoring them wasn’t the same as respect, and Gabriel shouldn’t get praise for being the bare minimum of a decent human being. Freed sighed. At least Gabriel had come and warned them about what they were walking into tonight.

“Thank you,” they said eventually, standing up and shooting a glance at Sting. He had retreated back to the table to work on filing but was within earshot of the conversation. “Listen, I have work to do. I appreciate the heads up, but I think you should go.” Gabriel frowned and was about to object but Freed gestured around them. “You’re in a queer youth center. If you don’t ‘approve’ of us or the people we serve, then you don’t belong here.”

Gabriel’s face hardened a bit and he stood, tugging on his jacket. Freed’s hands shook as they resisted the urge to apologize. Instead they stood awkwardly, not making eye contact with their brother.

“I’ll show myself out,” Gabriel said shortly, brushing past Freed and making his way to the door. He turned around when he was halfway out, chewing his lip uncertainly. “I really do care about you.” When Freed didn’t respond he sighed, then said, “see you tonight,” then let the door blow shut behind him.

 

* * *

 

They met at a fancy-looking sushi restaurant near the beach. Freed had spent nearly two hours throwing clothes around the room, and had finally let Ever dress them in a pair of dark jeans and a blue button-down. They felt good on the drive to the restaurant, and the feeling continued right up until they walked in the front doors and nearly ran into their father.

“D-dad...” They swallowed, backing up a step into Laxus’ chest. The dark look in Robert’s eyes dragged Freed back to their sixteen-year-old self, sitting at the kitchen table and crying as he backhanded them. A spike of fear ran through them, tempered by an affection for their father that even violence hadn’t been able to destroy.

“Amanda?” Robert looked puzzled and Freed realized how different they must look. “Your mother _said_ you dressed like a ma-”

“Robert.” Karen’s voice was sharp as she rounded the corner, likely returning from the washroom. Robert grumbled, making a face, and stepped aside to reveal that Gabriel was sitting in the waiting area nearby. He refused to make eye contact with Freed. “Freed, I’m so happy you agreed to have dinner. Laxus, it’s nice to see you again.”

“Mm.” Laxus merely grunted in return, giving Karen an unimpressed look. Freed gave her a wan smile, letting her grasp their arm.

“Robert, for five?” A young woman appeared with a stack of menus and gestured for them to follow her to a large table in the back of the restaurant. Everyone settled into their seats in silence, and Freed tried to breathe deeply without being obvious. An awkward silence descended over everyone, eventually broken by Karen.

“So, Laxus, what do you do for work?” Freed rested their hand on Laxus’ knee under the table, twining their fingers together.

“I’m an electrician,” Laxus replied shortly. He didn’t elaborate.

“How did you two... meet?” Robert asked gruffly. He unfolded the napkin and set it on his lap, then looked around for the waitress and tapped his glass impatiently.

“A queer youth group,” Freed said, keeping a straight face as their father’s cheeks turned red. They rolled their eyes and turned to their brother. “Gabriel, where did you meet Sarah?”

“At, uh, the college,” Gabriel replied, looking at Freed nervously. “She’s studying to become a veterinarian.” He hesitated. “It would be nice if you could meet her.”

“Maybe one day,” Freed said softly, shaking his head. Gabriel nodded, accepting the silent communication that Freed would _not_ be coming to the wedding. Unfortunately, Robert also noticed.

“What do you mean, _someday_?” Robert’s eyes were hard. “You’re going to come to your brother’s wedding, surely.” It wasn’t a question.

“No, I’m not coming,” Freed replied calmly. “I have other commitments, and I’m not interested in returning to Wisconsin.” They looked at their father directly, feeling their heartrate increasing. “You know as well as I do that I don’t fit in there.”

The conversation was interrupted by the waitress taking drink orders, then dinner orders. They made awkward small talk until the food arrive, and then everyone ate in silence. Freed took some solace in the fact that at least the food was good. They hooked their foot under Laxus’ ankle under the table.

“Your father has a new position,” Karen said finally, once the plates had been cleared and they were waiting for dessert. Her words were careful, and Freed sighed internally. _Here we go_.

“That’s wonderful, congratulations, dad.” They kept their voice carefully neutral, avoiding Robert’s gaze. The sushi they’d eaten threatened to make a reappearance.

“It would be better without the... issues,” Robert said gruffly. Freed refrained from rolling their eyes, just looked at him curiously. “Look, Amanda, there’s a cer-”

“Freed.” Laxus’ voice was firm, and Robert gaped at him.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Freed. Their name is Freed.” Laxus said it as casually as he would ask Freed what they liked for dinner, but there was a threatening undercurrent to it that was clearly making Robert uncomfortable. Laxus was at least six inches taller than Robert, and much wider than him as well.

“Don’t you presume to tell me what my daughter’s name is,” Robert sputtered, putting both hands on the table. Freed thought they heard Laxus growl. “I have her birth certif-”

“Actually, you don’t.” Freed interrupted, leaning forward. “I do. I took it with me when I left, and now I have a new one. My legal name is Freed Justine. Amanda doesn’t exist anymore, and if you’d listened to me when I was younger, this might not be coming as such a shock to you.”

“You can’t speak to m-”

“I can speak to you however I want to,” Freed snapped. Their hands were trembling so badly that they clasped them in their lap. “I’m an adult, and you haven’t acted like my father in a long time.”

“Let’s all take a breath,” Karen said quickly as Robert began to rise from his chair, face purpling in anger. Freed was starting to suspect that if they hadn’t left when they did, they would have seen a lot more of the back of their father’s hand. “Freed, your father is just trying to... smooth some things over.”

“What kinds of things?” Freed demanded, losing their façade of calm. “The fact that you have a renegade queer kid that ran away?” Laxus squeezed their hand and Freed tried to keep their voice down. “Am I an embarrassment to you? A stain on your reputation?”

“Of course not,” Karen began, at the exact same time that Robert said, “Of course I’m embarrassed!” They both looked at each other, Karen with a pleading expression on her face, Robert with an angry set to his jaw.

“Robert,” she said cautiously, placing a hand on his forearm. “We’re not here to fight.”

“I’m also not here to watch my daughter dress like a man and then have the audacity to ask if I’m embarrassed by her behavior!” Robert’s voice was low and angry.

“How _dare_ you,” Laxus hissed, but Freed squeezed his hand. They were curious what their father had to say.

“No, go ahead, _Robert_ ,” Freed said, leaning back in their seat. “Tell me how my clothing is worse for your reputation than you hitting me.” Gabriel’s eyes went side and he stared at Freed, brow furrowed. Freed felt a sudden pang of guilt – they’d never considered that their father’s outburst against them might have continued against their siblings.

“Father, you raised your hand...” Gabriel trailed off at Robert’s irate expression.

“I will _not_ be lectured on morality by... by...”

“Someone like me?” Freed guessed. Their body flooded with anger, heat settling deeply in their chest, and each word sparked and hissed with venom. “What did you think would happen? Did you seriously think I’d just give up my life and come back to Wisconsin to pretend like nothing happened? Get married to one of your friend’s kids and have some babies?” They crushed the wrapper from the chopsticks between their fingers. “Pretend that you didn’t abandon me for _ten years_?”

“You were the one that left!” Robert blustered, slamming his hand down on the table. Several other restaurant patrons looked over but Freed ignored them.

“I was _sixteen_ ,” Freed snapped. “And I left because you hit me, humiliated me, and made it clear that you didn’t care about me.” They swallowed, turning their gaze to Karen. “And when I tried to contact you... I was told not to call again.”

Karen’s face turned white and she put her hand up to her mouth, shaking her head.

“Darling, I’m so sorry, I was just-”

“Honestly, mom? I don’t want to hear it.” Freed rubbed at their temples and sighed. “Look, I’m not coming back and I’m not changing. If you’re so concerned about what everyone thinks, tell them I’m dead.”

Robert looked horrified. “We couldn’t... possibly...”

“I would rather they think than I’m dead than come back with you.” Freed’s voice held a tone of finality, and their chest tightened. Ever since Gabriel’s visit that morning, they had been uncertain about how the night would end. They hadn’t wanted to think about it, but the most likely outcome had been severing ties with their parents completely.

Freed grasped Laxus’ hand tightly under the table, marveling at Laxus’ ability to take the pain without wincing. They felt bad that he had to be here to see this train wreck. Gabriel looked awkward as well, glancing around at the waitstaff as if he hoped they weren’t listening.

Suddenly, Freed felt their phone vibrating in their pocket. Hoping it was an excuse to get away from the table, they pulled it out, frowning when they saw it was Gray.

“I need to take this,” they said, gesturing to their phone, and before their parents could object, they stood from the table and dashed toward the washrooms. They felt guilty for leaving Laxus behind but were concerned that Gray was calling them. He wasn’t much for talking on the phone, generally preferring to text.

 _“Allo? Ça va?”_ There was silence on the other end of the line and Freed felt a spike of fear. “Gray? Are you okay?”

“N-no,” came the muffled exhalation a moment later. “Can... are you...”

“What’s wrong?” Freed silently thanked a secular non-deity for the gender-neutral family washroom as they slipped inside, locking it behind them. “Do you need me to come get you? Are you hurt?”

“No, I... it’s Natsu.”

 _Oh, no_. He was supposed to be up north for another few days.

“What happened?”

“He’s... I’m on my w-way to the hospital,” Gray sniffed, and Freed realized he was driving. “Th-they called me and said he... got h-hurt... in one of the h-houses he was evacuating.”

“Oh, Gray.” Freed’s stomach clenched and they leaned against the wall, running a hand through their hair.

“They airlifted him back here,” Gray explained, his voice thick with emotion. “H-he’s in surgery, they d-didn’t say for what... I just...”

“Laxus and I are on our way,” Freed said. “Should we meet you in emergency?”

“N-no, you d-don’t...” Gray exhaled wetly and Freed could hear him turn on his signal. “You’re at dinner with your f-family, I d-don’t-”

“They’re not my family,” Freed interrupted firmly. “You are.” They heard a soft sob break from Gray’s throat. “They’re strangers, and horrible ones at that. We’ll be there in half an hour. Can we bring you anything?” The idea of leaving this restaurant – and their parents – was a relief.

“I, um… I don’t have any Kleenex,” Gray said, half-laughing through his tears. “I think I’m gonna need it.”

“We have some in the car. I’m gonna go tell my parents off, and we’ll be there as quickly as we can. Text me if you need to, okay?” Gray made a sound of affirmation. “He’s gonna be okay. We’ll see you soon.”

“Thank you.” The line disconnected and Freed stood there for a moment, taking deep breaths. If they’d airlifted Natsu back here instead of treating him somewhere closer, it meant that he was badly hurt. The thought made Freed sick to their stomach and they leaned over the sink, trying to calm their racing heart.

When they finally returned to the table, their parents were sitting in stony silence while Laxus glared at them. Freed tapped Laxus’ shoulder and he looked up.

“It was Gray, Natsu’s hurt.” Laxus’ eyes widened and he stood up immediately, grabbing his jacket. Freed turned to their parents and pulled their wallet from their pocket. “My friend’s husband is in the hospital and I need to go take care of him. Here’s our half for supper.” They dropped a handful of bills on the table.

“What… you can’t… you can’t just _leave_ ,” Robert sputtered. “We are not done talking about this!”

“Actually, we are,” Freed replied. “I said _no_ , and if you can’t accept that, it’s your problem. We’re leaving.” They turned to Gabriel, giving him a sad half-smile. “I hope your wedding is wonderful. If you feel like talking you know where to find me.”

Gabriel gave Freed a look that was half awe, half apprehension, but didn’t say anything.

“Ama-”

“I swear to all that is holy, if you misgender Freed _one more fucking time_ I’m going to put a hole in this table,” Laxus growled dangerously, stepping towards Robert. Freed put a hand on his arm, touched by the gesture but not wanting to start a fight.

“We are your _family,_ ” Robert hissed, and Freed laughed.

“You haven’t been my family in a long time,” they said sadly. “My _family_ is right here.” They squeezed Laxus’ arm. “My _family_ is waiting for me at the hospital while his husband is in surgery. My _family_ are the people who love _me,_ not who they think I should be.”

There was an ache in Freed’s chest, a heavy pain that made it clear that this was final. They knew that they were making the right choice, but it hurt all the same. The indecision that had been following them around all day was starting to fade, and all Freed could think about was Robert’s cruel words.

“You can’t…” Karen started to protest, but Freed shook their head.

“We’re done,” they said quietly, feeling the eyes of the other restaurant patrons on them. “And I mean for good.” Oh _gods_ , that hurt. “Unless you can change and be willing to accept me like I am, I’m not interested in speaking to you again.”

Karen’s face paled and she looked like she was going to interject, but Freed ignored her.

“You don’t have the right to tell me who to be,” They continued. Freed’s hands were shaking, and their voice wasn’t as strong as they would have liked, but they kept going regardless, feeling Laxus’ hand resting gently in the small of their back. “Stay away from my work and my friends. I hope one day you realize how wrong you are, but until then…”

They swallowed against the lump in their throat, trying to push back the tears that were slipping slowly down their cheeks. Laxus wrapped an arm around them, pulling them to his side tightly.

“But we love you,” Robert protested in a last-ditch effort. Laxus tensed and Freed laughed sadly.

“No, you loved _Amanda_ ,” Freed said. “And she’s been gone for a very long time. Goodbye.”

Before they could change their mind, Freed turned and strode out of the restaurant, tugging Laxus after them. A loud ringing filled their ears that didn’t dissipate until they were in the car and were halfway to the hospital.

“What did I do?”  Freed whispered, covering their face with their hands. Tears still streamed down their cheeks. “Did I do the right thing?”

“You know there’s no good answer to that,” Laxus replied, reaching over the console and grabbing Freed’s hand. Freed clung to it like a lifeline, twining their fingers together as their hands shook. “You were so brave. I’m really proud of you.”

“Fuck,” Freed cursed, drawing out the word and exhaling sharply. “I don’t feel brave. I feel terrified and angry and really, really sad.” They rubbed their face, closing their eyes and trying to figure out if they were relieved or not.  

“Why don’t we stop for coffee and cinnamon buns?” Laxus suggested, putting on his blinker and indicating their favorite café out the window. “I think you and Gray could both use them.” Freed leaned over and pressed their head to Laxus’ shoulder.

“You’re a sweetheart,” they said softly, kissing his cheek. They watched a small smile appear on Laxus’ lips, and marveled again at how lucky they were to have him. He might have been an ass to start out, but he’d made up for it in so many ways over the years.

“I hope Natsu’s okay,” Freed said as they got out of the car. They hadn’t really had time to think about what had happened. Gray had said an explosion, which likely meant burns and possible internal injuries. Freed’s heart ached.

“Whatever happens, we just have to be there for Gray,” Laxus replied, holding the door to the café open. Freed’s phone buzzed and they pulled it out of their pocket as Laxus got in line.

 **Gray**  
_Doctor talked to me, he should be out of surgery in a couple hours. He’s got bad burns and pulmonary injuries (not sure what that means). I’m so scared._

Freed’s heart twisted – it sounded worse than they’d thought. They covered their mouth with one hand, breathing slowly before replying.

 **Freed**  
_We’ll be there right away. Be strong, I love you._

 

* * *

 

They found Gray in the corner of the emergency waiting room, staring blankly at his phone. His face was red and drawn, and his hair was rumpled from running his hands through it. Freed crouched down in front of him.

“Hey,” they said softly. Gray looked up and immediately started crying again, bringing his hands up to his face. Freed grasped his wrist gently. “It’s okay, we’re here now. Have you eaten? We brought cinnamon buns and coffee.”

Freed pulled Gray forward into a hug and felt him relax against their shoulder. Laxus sat down next to Gray and wrapped an arm around him.

“I love you guys,” Gray whispered shakily, sitting up and rubbing at his face.

“We love you, too,” Freed said, slipping into the seat on Gray’s other side. Gray took his coffee from Laxus gratefully, then took a deep breath.

“The doctor came out, he’s st-still in surgery,” Gray said, his voice shaky. “They... there were some families that refused to evacuate, and th-the fire, it... it was spreading too f-fast. Natsu was helping get one f-family out...” Gray squeezed his eyes shut, making a pained sound. “He s-saved their daughter, but part of the w-wall collapsed on him. His gear w-as damaged... he broke his arm and has s-second and third-degree burns, and inhaled th-the smoke...” His shoulders shook as he curled in on himself, covering his face with his hands.

“Gray, I’m so sorry,” Freed whispered, tucking their legs up underneath them in the chair. They reached out and took one of Gray’s hands in theirs, lacing their fingers together and squeezing reassuringly.

“I’m so done with hospitals,” Gray mumbled, and Laxus _hmphed_ in agreement. Freed had to admit that the situation was eerily similar to two years ago, when Natsu had relapsed into a deep depression and ended up being hospitalized for nearly a week. Freed had moved in with Gray temporarily so they could help him out and keep him company while he visited Natsu every day.

“I just... we always knew it was risky...” Gray swallowed, playing with the rim of his coffee cup. “But... he might d-die.” Gray made a soft, sad sound and dropped his head. “He might d-die and I can’t, I c-can’t live without him.”

“I know you’re hurting,” Freed said softly, rubbing their thumb over Gray’s knuckles and trying to ignore the sick, twisting feeling in their stomach. “But we don’t know what’s going to happen. Did they say how long he would be in surgery?”

“At... at least a couple more hours,” Gray said, rubbing his eyes. “Th-they had to do skin grafts on his c-chest and s-stomach and k-keep him on oxygen.”

“Did you talk to Ultear?” Laxus asked. Gray nodded.

“They were skiing in Whistler, they had to pack up the kids. She’ll be here soon.” Gray looked like he was thinking about sitting up, but he gave up and relaxed completely against Laxus.

“Thank you,” he said softly, looking up at Freed. “You guys didn’t have to come, you were with your-”

“I told you, they’re not my family,” Freed said, voice sharper than they’d intended, feeling the uncomfortable sensation returning to their stomach. “I, um... I told them to leave.” Gray’s eyes widened and he squeezed Freed’s hand. “I would always, _always_ choose you over them. You’re my best friend.”

“Freed...” Gray’s voice was gentle and he looked both sad and proud. Freed swallowed and looked at the floor. “How do you feel?”

“I don’t... really want to talk about it,” Freed admitted, picturing their parents and brother sitting in the restaurant, stunned at their outburst. Had they left? Had they made a scene? And what would they do now? Would Freed really never... oh _gods_. Would they really never see their parents ever again?

“C’mere,” Gray said softly, tugging at Freed’s hand until they were leaning on Gray, and Gray was leaning against Laxus. Freed sighed, curling up against Gray and hoping that, when they opened their eyes again, everything wasn’t a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **French Translations**  
>  J'espère que tout s'est bien passé avec ta mère. Je t'aime. = I hope everything went well with your mom. I love you.  
> Allo? Ça va? = Hello? You okay? ('Ça va' is one of those weird expressions where you can have an entire conversation just using the one phrase, it can mean 'Are you okay?', 'I'm okay', 'It'll be okay', etc.) 
> 
> I hadn't written Sting yet and I wanted to include him, so there you go. I know he's a bit OOC but for some reason every time I tried to write him, he came off as more anxious and uncertain than canon Sting, so that's what you get. >.<
> 
> Mala beads are excellent stress management tools. I have had my set for almost fifteen years and they've gotten me through some very tough times. I don't usually meditate with them but I do count them and use them to help me relax.
> 
> The poem on Freed's gift is "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley, which is one of my absolute favorite poems. 
> 
> Argh the difference between humoring and respecting someone is such a fine line and it's SO hard not to just "take what you can get" from people. But I seriously believe that nobody should get a cookie for being a decent human being, and folks should stop acting like it's a heroic act to respect people's pronouns. 
> 
> Freed kinda veered away from their usual calm demeanor at the end but I felt it was warranted with the situation they were in. Also, protective Laxus makes me happy. 
> 
> And of course they're back at the hospital again. :P


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years ago, Freed got a call from Gray about Natsu needing help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mental breakdown, psychosis, mentions of self-harm, mentions of suicide attempts, hospitalization
> 
> This is a tough chapter (or at least it was for me to write) so take care of yourselves <3

**Two Years Ago**

Freed yawned, glaring at their linguistics textbook and running a hand through their hair. The longer they looked at the words, the less and less sense they made. Grabbing their coffee, they drained it and leaned back in their chair. They glanced at their phone, sighing in relief at the text from Laxus.

Be there in five. Looking forward to our date.

Gray’s name suddenly flashed across the screen with an incoming call and Freed frowned, looking cautiously around the library before swiping to answer.

 _“Allo?”_ Freed tucked the phone under their chin and began to pack their books into their bag. Hopefully this material made more sense the next time they looked at it.

“Freed?” Gray’s voice was frantic and Freed immediately stopped what they were doing, standing up and frowning. “I need your help.”

“What’s wrong?” Freed asked, feeling a sense of trepidation wash over them. Gray wasn’t easily unsettled, but right now he sounded like he was going to cry.

“Natsu, are you still there, sweetheart?” There was a muffled sound of affirmation and Freed realized that Gray had them both on the line. “Okay, you still safe?” Another sound. “Freed, Natsu isn’t doing well. I’m in Burnaby and I’m on my way home, but I need someone to go be with Natsu until I get there.”

“Of course,” Freed replied automatically, pulling their phone away from their ear and switching it to speakerphone to text Laxus.

 _Change of plans,_ they wrote. _Natsu’s not good, Gray needs us to go to him._

“Natsu, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Freed reassured, trying their best to sound soothing. “You’re at home?” They knew that Natsu suffered from bipolar disorder, but he hadn’t had a bad episode since he’d attempted suicide several years back.

“Y-yes…” Natsu’s voice was soft and uncertain, and it was clear that he’d been crying. “I’m in the b-bedroom now. But I d-don’t…” His voice broke and he started to cry again. “I’m s-sorry…”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay,” Gray said gently, and Freed could hear the heartbreak in his friend’s voice. “Nobody’s mad at you. I just want you to be safe.” Natsu’s crying intensified and Freed felt tears beginning to push at their own eyes.

“I-I’m j-just…” Natsu’s voice wavered and he hiccupped through his tears. “I sh-shouldn’t feel like th-this anymore, a-and I…”

“It’s not your fault,” Freed interjected carefully, hearing the background sounds of Gray getting into his car and starting it.

“Having you been taking your meds?” Gray asked.

“Y-yeah,” Natsu said shakily. “A-and I took the Ativan t-too but I j-just can’t think and it’s so _loud,_ and I’m… s-scared…” He trailed off as Freed’s phone _pinged_ with a message from Laxus.

_I’m outside._

“You’re gonna be okay,” Gray reassured Natsu, and Freed could hear Gray’s voice break. “ _Je t’aime, mon couer,_ we’re going to get you help.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Freed assured them both, grabbing their backpack and heading to the front of the library. “Are you going to be okay until there?” They knew that Natsu hurting himself again was Gray’s greatest fear.

“Y-yeah. I d-don’t… I c-can’t…” Natsu’s words slipped out between gasps of air, and Freed felt their heart breaking. Natsu was the kindest, friendliest, most giving person they knew. This wasn’t fair.

“Are you going to hurt yourself?” Gray’s question was gentle but blunt. Natsu’s sobs echoed over the phone line.

“I d-don’t _want_ to,” he insisted. “P-please don’t be m-mad.”

“I’m not mad, sweetheart,” Gray insisted. “Neither is Freed. We love you and we’re concerned about you. I think we should get you to the hospital. Freed, can you and Laxus take him there?”

“Of course,” Freed replied, pulling out their wallet to make sure they had the copy of Natsu’s health care card that Gray had given them. Freed also had a copy of their apartment keys, and they felt around in their backpack to make sure they had them. “Gray, why don’t you stay on the phone with Natsu until I get there?” Freed suggested.

“Okay,” Gray replied, taking a deep breath. “Let me know when you’re there, okay?”

“I will. Laxus is here, we’ll be there soon.” They opened the front door of the library and darted down the walk towards Laxus’ car. “Natsu, you’re going to be okay, we’re on our way. Gray, drive safe.”

“Thank you,” Gray said quietly. “I’ll be there as quickly as I can.”

 

* * *

 

When they got to Gray and Natsu’s apartment, Freed took the stairs three at a time and unlocked the front door. They could hear Natsu crying from the front entrance, and Freed quickly found him curled up against the wall in the far corner of the bedroom, phone in his hand. Freed took the phone gently and handed it to Laxus so he could let Gray know they’d arrived.

“Natsu, it’s Freed. Can I touch you?” Natsu didn’t answer, just trembled and kept his face buried in his arms. “Have you hurt yourself?” Freed couldn’t see anything sharp nearby, and it didn’t seem like Natsu was bleeding, but they wanted to be certain. “Did you take anything?”

“D-didn’t help,” Natsu mumbled, lifting his head a bit. His eyes were red and puffy and he looked over Freed’s left shoulder. “S-shouldn’t help. I’m… it’s not…” He pulled his knees tighter to his chest and looked miserable. “I’m s-sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Laxus said gently, kneeling down next to them and tucking the phone into his shirt pocket. “It’s not your fault. Do you think you can come out into the living room with us?” Natsu shook his head frantically.

“N-no, c-can’t, n-not safe,” he whispered, and Freed felt chills run up their arms. “It’s t-too much, I d-don’t want to th-think these… things, I d-don’t want t-to hurt m-myself b-but it’s, they’re saying… I d-don’t want to.”

The tears ran down his face and he didn’t wipe them away, just ran his hands through his hair in anger and frustration.

“Natsu, you’re sick,” Freed said gently, settling themself into a sitting position nearby. “You have an illness and it’s making you think things that aren’t real. Nobody is going to hurt you.”

“I c-can’t stop th-thinking about…” Natsu whimpered, pulling in on himself. “…about h-hurting -myself.” He took a few shaky breaths. “I h-haven’t since…”

He looked down at the long, white scar on his left forearm – a reminder of the time he tried to take his own life and Gray had saved it.

“I know,” Freed reassured him, “and you’re doing such a good job right now. You must be really scared and confused.” Natsu nodded miserably. “The doctors at the hospital can help you,” Freed continued carefully. “Laxus and I can drive you and Gray will meet us there, okay?”

Natsu tugged at his hair again, scrubbing at his face with his hoodie sleeves. He shook his head vigorously.

“Th-there’s… it’s not s-safe,” he insisted weakly. Freed glanced over at Laxus, who moved a bit closer. “Th-they’ll… they s-said…”

“Natsu, look at me,” Laxus rumbled. Natsu complied, still breathing shakily. “I’m strong, right? I can keep you safe?” Laxus put his hands out non-threateningly. “I can even carry you if you want. Nothing can hurt you when you’re with us.”

Natsu looked confused, and for a moment Freed was terrified that he was going to refuse. Instead, he sniffed, squeezed his eyes shut, and slowly nodded his head.

“Okay,” Laxus said. “I’m gonna touch you now.”

Laxus slipped an arm behind Natsu’s back and Natsu tensed for a moment, then relaxed into Laxus’ chest as he was lifted easily into the air.

“You’re okay,” Laxus murmured, gesturing down at his pocket to indicate for Freed to take the car keys. “We’re gonna get you to the hospital.”

 

* * *

 

“Natsu!” Gray burst into the ER, eyes red and looking exhausted. He immediately spotted Freed and made his way over, quieting when he realized that Natsu was asleep on Laxus’ chest.

“He’s okay,” Freed said softly, standing up and pulling Gray into their arms. Gray slumped against them. “He didn’t hurt himself. They triaged him and gave him something to calm him down.”

He left out the part where Natsu had vehemently refused to take any medication from the nurse at first, and it had taken all of Freed’s persuasive skills to convince him.

“We’re waiting for the psychiatrist,” Freed added. “They said he wasn’t violent and we could wait out here.” Gray trembled against Freed, fingers twisted tightly into their sweater. Freed kissed his head and pulled him tighter. “He’s okay.”

“I was so scared,” Gray whispered, pulling back and rubbing his face. “I tried… I couldn’t get here faster.”

“It’s okay,” Freed said as Gray knelt down in front of Natsu.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Gray murmured, taking Natsu’s hand in his as Natsu stirred. He was curled up under Laxus’ arm, and he opened his eyes slowly, blinking at Gray. “How’re you feeling?”

“G-gray?” Natsu asked, confused. He sat up a little, glancing up at Laxus and then looking back to Gray. “What…” Natsu looked around, frowning, then noticed the hospital bracelet on his wrist. “Why are… wh-when…”

“It’s okay,” Gray said, reaching up and brushing Natsu’s hair from his face. “You’re gonna be okay. I’m here now, I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Natsu’s brow creased further in confusion, and Freed placed a gentle hand on Gray’s shoulder.

“The nurse said that the medication might make him confused,” they explained. Gray sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Whatever they gave him was pretty strong. He was… quite agitated by the time we got here. He talked about hearing people, and was convinced it wasn’t safe here. That someone was trying to hurt him.” Freed’s chest tightened at the heartbroken expression on Gray’s face. “They were concerned about him hurting himself.”

“ _Câlice,_ ” Gray swore, then looked back up at Natsu’s frightened expression and immediately shook his head. “It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. I’m happy you’re safe.”

“Natsu, why don’t you sit up and Gray can come sit here with you?” Laxus suggested, nudging Natsu gently and standing. Gray took Laxus’ place, giving Laxus a grateful look.

“What’s wrong?” Natsu asked, rubbing his face and staring at Gray. “I don’t… there was…” He dropped his hands to his lap and frowned. “I don’t feel good.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Gray murmured, pulling Natsu into his arms. He kissed Natsu’s head, pressing his face into Natsu’s hair. “I’m so proud of you for asking for help. You’ve been so brave and I love you so much.”

Natsu made a small sound and pressed his face into Gray’s shoulder, falling asleep again almost immediately. Gray sighed, slumping against the back of the chair.

“Fuck,” he said again, rubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t think it was this bad. It happened so quickly.” Freed and Laxus both settled back into their chairs, Freed resting their hand on Gray’s knee. Gray clasped it gratefully. “He’d been sad- a bit depressed, and the psychiatrist gave him a new medication that seemed to help. He’s never heard voices or been this paranoid before. Fuck, what if he’d hurt himself while I was gone?” He leaned his head against Natsu’s.

“It’s not your fault,” Freed insisted. “And he didn’t hurt himself, we got him here in time and they’re going to help him.” Gray nodded, sighing.

“I just don’t understand the- the paranoia,” he said after a moment. “And the hearing things. That’s never happened before. It scares me.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“Sometimes the world seems different when you’re depressed like that,” Laxus said quietly, rubbing at the scar on his wrist. “Makes sense to you but nobody else.” Freed made a soft noise, reaching out for Laxus. He rarely spoke about his depression and attempted suicide. “He’s terrified right now. We’ve gotta be strong for him.”

“You’re right,” Gray said, giving Laxus an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think-” Laxus cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“I’ve known you long enough,” he said, squeezing Freed’s hand. “I wasn’t well for a while either. My dad’s nutty religious stuff really got to me and I thought I was hearing things too. It was bad enough to convince me it wasn’t going to get better.” He tapped his scar, avoiding everyone’s gaze. “It was awful, and I didn’t have anyone.”

“Laxus,” Freed said softly, running his fingers over the back of Laxus’ hand. They’d heard this story before, just after they’d first met, but they were fairly certain that Laxus had never told anyone else.

“Natsu’s lucky to have you,” Laxus said roughly, rubbing his hand on his jeans. “He’ll be okay.”

“I hope so,” Gray said, kissing the top of Natsu’s head again and sighing. “I really hope so.”

 

* * *

 

“So, you’re committing him?”

“No, no, not at all.” The psychiatrist – a woman named Sayla – leaned on the table and looked at Gray. “He’s still capable of giving consent, and I couldn’t commit him involuntarily if I wanted to. What I’m _recommending_ is that he stay here, and that you are better situated to make that decision than he is.”

Gray glanced into the adjoining room where Natsu sat with a nurse, struggling to answer a series of questions about where he was and what month they were in. Whatever drug they’d given him had clearly been quite potent. He had been very unwilling to be separated from Gray, but the sedative had allowed the nurses some leeway.

“How long would he be here?” Freed asked. They were sitting next to Gray, hand resting on his knee under the table. Laxus had gone off to find them something to eat from the cafeteria.

“We can’t really say,” Sayla replied. “At least a few days so we can sort out his medications. A mixed state can be very dangerous, as you’ve seen, and it’s likely that he will continue to experience the delusions and confusion until we can bring him out of it.”

“I just… I don’t want to leave him alone,” Gray said brokenly, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “Is he- can he understand what’s happening? Wouldn’t it be better for him to be somewhere familiar?”

“That’s something to consider,” Sayla said, tilting her head to the side. “But he needs to be on a twenty-four hour watch right now. I’m quite concerned that he’s going to harm himself. He has a history of self-injurious behaviors, and one nearly-fatal suicide attempt in the last five years, in addition to being in a vulnerable state of a very serious psychiatric condition.” She must have noticed Gray’s crestfallen expression, because her tone immediately softened. “He’s been doing wonderfully, and he’s lucky to have a partner like you. But you can’t do it all.”

“Why don’t I stay with you?” Freed said softly, squeezing Gray’s knee. “I’ll stay over at your place tonight and we can come back as soon as visiting hours start.” Gray made a distressed noise and put his face in his hands.

“What if he doesn’t understand?” he whispered, wiping at the tears on his face.

“He’s fairly lucid right now,” Sayla said, “but the medication is making him sleepy. I’d like to get him into a bed in the psychiatric wing as soon as possible. Did you want to speak with him and help him make a decision?”

Gray nodded, squeezing Freed’s hand under the table. Sayla stood up and motioned for them to follow her.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Gray said as the entered the room, crouching down and brushing Natsu’s hair out of his face. Natsu’s eyes were slightly unfocused, but it was clear that he recognized Gray.

“I’m tired,” Natsu whispered, rubbing his eyes and leaning towards Gray. Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu, kissing his temple. “Do I have to stay?”

“I think so, yeah,” Gray murmured, running his fingers through Natsu’s hair. “They’re gonna help you get your meds sorted out. Freed and I are gonna come back first thing in the morning, alright?” Freed could tell that Gray was struggling to keep his voice even.

“I’m scared,” Natsu said quietly, burying his face in Gray’s neck. “I d-don’t know what’s… s-some things seem r-real and then they’re not.” He clung tightly to Gray’s sweater.

“I know, love, and that’s why you should stay.” Gray said, kissing Natsu’s forehead and hugging him tightly. “You’ve been doing so well and you haven’t hurt yourself in four years, and I want to make sure it stays that way.” Natsu nodded miserably. “I have to go sign some papers for you, but Freed is gonna stay here, alright?”

Freed settled down on the chair next to the bed, reaching out and taking Natsu’s hand. Gray rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, then kissed Natsu again and let go of him.

Natsu examined Freed’s fingernails carefully – they were sparkly green, courtesy of Sylvie last time they’d visited. “Thanks for helping,” Natsu said quietly, squeezing his eyes shut as he cheeks flushed pink. “I d-don’t…”

“We’re always here for you,” Freed said softly. “And you’re going to be okay.”

 

* * *

 

When they returned to Gray’s apartment, Freed realized just how much they’d missed when they’d come to pick up Natsu. There were stacks of papers on the kitchen table with half thought out ideas scribbled on them, and the wall in the office was decorated with post-it notes that made no sense. The house was spotless, and Gray sighed as he pointed out that Natsu had re-arranged the kitchen cupboards again.

“He seemed okay when I left,” Gray murmured, running his fingers over the post-it notes and starting to pull them off the wall. “How did I miss this?”

“It’s not your fault,” Freed said automatically, tugging him away from the wall and directing him towards the bedroom. “And it’s late. Go to bed, you’ll feel better once you’ve slept.” Gray sighed, rubbing his eyes.

“Thank you,” he murmured, reaching out and pulling Freed into a hug. “I’m so glad I have you guys. I just...” He dropped his forehead onto Freed’s shoulder. “I wish I could have caught it sooner.”

“You caught it soon enough,” Freed replied. “He didn’t hurt himself, and that’s what’s important. Now go to sleep before I carry you there myself.” Gray snorted.

“What about you?” he asked, glancing over to the office where they kept a cot for Sylvie’s sleepovers. Freed doubted they would fit on it.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” they replied, and Gray shook his head sleepily.

“Don’t be stupid, that thing isn’t comfortable for sleeping,” he grumbled. “Just sleep with me.” He blinked a few times, frowning. “That sounded weird. You know what I meant.” Freed laughed, turning Gray around and ushering him into the bedroom. He made his way over to the bed and fell onto it, face-first.

Freed dropped their bag onto the floor and shimmied out of their shirt, tugging their binder over their head and throwing it on the floor. Then they pulled their shirt back on and tugged their hair into a ponytail.

“I’m stealing sweatpants,” they announced, which was met by a muffled grunt from Gray. Freed ruffled through Gray’s drawers (or Natsu’s, it was hard to tell them apart) until they found a satisfactory pair of pants. Then they slipped under the covers, feeling exhaustion pulling at them.

“C’mere,” Freed said softly, tugging on Gray’s arm until he grumbled and kicked off his jeans, then slid under the blankets and curled up next to Freed.

“He’s gonna be okay, right?” Gray asked in a small voice, reaching out for Freed’s hand. Freed took it and squeezed gently, watching Gray rub his eyes sleepily, then bury his face in the pillow.

“We’ll take care of him,” Freed said, not wanting to make promises they couldn’t keep. “Now go to sleep.”

Gray complied, breathing evening out almost instantly, fingers entwined with Freed’s and a hopeful look on his face.

 

* * *

 

Natsu wasn’t much more coherent the next day, or the day after that. The new mixture of drugs they had him on made him sleepy, irritable and confused, and every conversation they had with him had to be repeated several times before he remembered anything. By the third day of Natsu’s hospital stay, Freed could tell that Gray was getting frustrated.

“You’re taking a day off,” Freed said, gesturing at Ultear and Sylvie, who had just walked into the hospital. “They’re taking you home, and you’re going to spend the afternoon watching Disney movies with your niece.” Gray’s face went through several expressions in a few seconds.

“But...” Gray started to protest, but Freed placed a hand on his arm.

“Gray, you haven’t done anything but sit next to him in seventy-two hours. He’s still not even sure where he is – go spend the afternoon with your family. Laxus and I will stay here and I’ll text you the second something changes.”

Gray sighed, rubbing his face. He looked terrible – dark circles under his eyes, messy hair, rumpled shirt and mismatched socks. Freed gave him a sympathetic look and hugged him tightly, feeling Gray sag against them.

“Thank you,” Gray whispered, standing and feeling his pockets absently, as if looking for something.

“Uncle Gray! Freed!” Sylvie threw herself at Gray, hugging his legs tightly. Freed crouched down and let Sylvie wrap her arms around their neck. “You still have your nail polish!” She shouted excitedly, grabbing Freed’s hand and inspecting her handiwork.

“And I’ve had many compliments on it,” Freed replied, adjusting the young girl’s barrettes. “Are you excited to watch movies with Uncle Gray today?” Gray gave them a half-hearted glare from above, but Freed just smiled at him. This was what he needed. They watched Gray move off to speak to Ultear close by.

“Is Uncle Natsu awake?” Sylvie asked, bouncing on the soles of her feet. Freed felt their chest ache – Natsu and Sylvie were incredibly close, and she had been heartbroken to hear that he was in the hospital. She hadn’t been allowed to see him yet, since he was still in an area where children weren’t allowed to visit.

“He is awake,” Freed said gently. “He’s just pretty confused right now, and really sleepy.” Sylvie looked disappointed and Freed smiled at her. “Are you still making those bracelets?”

Sylvie grinned and nodded, holding up her arm to show a multitude of rainbow-colored woven bracelets on her wrist.

“Why don’t you make one for Uncle Natsu so he can have it when he wakes up?” Her eyes lit up and she ran over to Gray, showing him her wrist. Gray knelt down and lifted her into his arms – not an easy feat now that she was seven – and kissed her cheek.

“Thank you,” he said, turning to Freed and giving them a one-armed hug. They returned it, sighing against him.

“Take care of yourself,” Freed murmured. “I’ll text you if something comes up. See you tonight.” Then they watched Gray, Ultear and Sylvie make their way out of the hospital.

Making their way back to the psychiatric wing of the hospital, Freed showed the attendant their visitor badge and passed through the doors. They almost at common area when they spotted Ryos leaning against the wall. Ryos looked up at Freed and smiled.

“Hey! They’re kind of having a… survivor’s meeting in there, I think.” Ryos gestured behind him and Freed peered over his shoulder to see Natsu curled up in the corner of the couch, hoodie sleeves pulled down over his hands, one of which was being held by Sting. Laxus sat in a chair next to the couch and was talking to Natsu softly. “I figured I’d wait out here.”

“Survivor’s… you mean Sting…?” Freed frowned as they looked at Sting. He was so…young, only eighteen. Then again, Natsu had been younger when he’d attempted suicide.

“No, but he’s self-harmed before,” Ryos said sadly. “Especially when he first got diagnosed with epilepsy. The stress… and you know how he gets when he’s anxious.” Ryos gestured to a set of chairs on the other side of the hallway and they both sat down, sinking into the worn cushions. “Are you doing okay?”

“Tired,” Freed admitted, yawning and stretching. They’d forgone the binder today, after accidentally wearing it for thirteen hours yesterday and regretting it. A sports bra, baggy t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie made today bearable. They nodded over to Natsu. “How was he when you talked to him?”

“Better, actually,” Ryos replied, tucking his legs up under him on the chair. Pieces of dark hair escaped his messy bun and he pushed them back behind his ears. “He seems a bit more coherent today. I think he’s just... embarrassed.”

Freed nodded sadly. The two of them lapsed into a comfortable silence, and Freed could just overhear Laxus’ deep voice.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he was saying. “Nobody’s angry at you.”

“Where’s Gray?” Natsu asked quietly. Laxus sighed.

“Taking a nap,” he replied, which wasn’t far from the truth. Freed didn’t regret sending Gray home – he needed to take care of himself. “Are you tired, too?”

“Lucy was here,” Natsu said instead of answering. “And Cana. I think. Why is everything so... fuzzy?” He groaned in frustration.

“It’s just the meds,” Sting said gently. “Mine make me sleepy sometimes, too. Do you want to take a nap?”

Natsu made a sad sound and his voice shook when he whispered, “I want Gray. When can I go home?”

 

* * *

 

After nearly a week in the hospital, Sayla announced that Natsu was stable enough to return home. He’d been much more lucid over the past few days, but Sayla warned that he still might be confused and it would be best to keep him from work or even from large outings for the first while. The hospital was also going to be sending someone to check on him in a week.

“We can leave,” Freed insisted, standing in the doorway to Gray and Natsu’s apartment. Laxus leaned against the wall beside Freed, shoes still on. “You two can-”

“Stay?” Natsu asked, peering around the kitchen corner. He didn’t make eye contact – still ashamed, no matter what anyone said to him – but his words sounded earnest. “Please? We can... I mean, it’s not Saturday and Bix and Ever aren’t here but... we could just watch a movie?”

“Of course,” Laxus replied, toeing off his shoes and walking over to the kitchen. “Want some help making popcorn?” He gently guided Natsu away from the door, and Freed smiled at his retreating back.

“We got lucky, hey?” Gray said, playing with his wedding band while Freed removed their shoes and followed Gray into the living room. Freed nodded, settling down on the couch. Gray flopped down next to them, resting his head on their shoulder.

“We did,” Freed replied, reaching up and gently stroking Gray’s hair. “You’ve been amazing, Gray. I know this has been hard.” Gray sighed, relaxing into the touch and closing his eyes.

“I don’t think I’ll make it through a movie,” he admitted as the sound of the popcorn popper filled the air. “I’m exhausted.”

“Then go to sleep,” Freed murmured, leaning back into the couch and wrapping their arm around Gray. Gray made a soft noise, turning to cuddle up next to Freed, who smiled and kissed his forehead. “Go to sleep. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **French Translations**  
>  Allo = Hello  
> Je t’aime, mon couer = I love you, sweetheart  
> Câlice = fuck/shit
> 
>  
> 
> This is very much based on my own experience with psychiatric hospitalization. It's not fun, but it's sometimes necessary, even if there's a ton of shame and social stigma associated with it. Writing Natsu made me cry. :(
> 
> It's next to impossible to commit someone involuntarily unless you have a judicial or police order. Probably over 90% of the time people commit themselves voluntarily because they don't want to hurt themselves or others. 
> 
> A mixed state in bipolar disorder is when you show symptoms of both mania and depression (in Natsu, wanting to self-harm and being sad, but also incredibly creative and writing notes that make no sense, cleaning the house, etc). It's dangerous because you get depressed, and then the mania takes away your inhibitions and limits which makes you much more prone to self harm and suicide attempts.
> 
> With the "survivor's group" thing...it's not realistic to have just *one* person in a friend group who suffers from mental illness. Self-injury, self-harm, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts...they happen a lot more often than we'd like to realize. So I figured it was more realistic to have more than one person who had been through something like that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu remains in the hospital after his surgery. Gray asks about Freed's family while they wait for Natsu to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed Gray's last name and retconned it in crash&burn - I wanted him to have two Francophone names for his two families. Natsu took both of his names when they got married, cause he had no attachment to his previous last name. 
> 
> I've also had a couple people asking me about the timeline and the ages of the characters, since I keep jumping back and forth - sorry about that! This fic is set five years after the end of 'crash & burn' (so two years after the epilogue/Natsu & Gray's wedding). Here are the major character's ages in both stories! :) 
> 
> crash&burn (end of story, end of march)  
> gray - 21 natsu - 18  
> freed - 21 laxus - 22  
> bix - 27 ever - 26  
> ryos - 15 sting - 14  
> sylvie - 4 
> 
> riot (current chapter, beginning of april)  
> gray - 26 natsu - 23  
> freed - 26 laxus - 27  
> bix - 32 ever - 31  
> ryos - 20 sting - 19  
> sylvie - 9

“Grayson? Grayson Dubois-Tremblay?” Freed sat up and nudged Gray, who had fallen asleep against Laxus. Gray blinked blearily and rubbed his eyes. A woman in brightly-colored scrubs with a clipboard in her hand stood in front of them.

“Yes? It’s, uh, it’s Gray,” Gray corrected sleepily. “I mean, that’s… is Natsu okay?”

“He’s out of surgery,” the nurse replied, voice gentle. “We have him in the ICU right now. He’s still asleep, and the doctor needs to talk to you about a few things. You can all come with me.”

After making their way through various corridors and up an elevator, they found themselves outside the Intensive Care Unit. They were shown to a small meeting area and took their seats.

“My name is Doctor Carter.” A man in his mid-forties entered the room and held out his hand, and they all shook it cautiously. Gray rubbed his eyes again, and Freed reached over and put a hand on his knee. “Gray, I’m going to be keeping tabs on your husband while he’s here – I was the one overseeing the surgery.”

“Is he okay?” Gray’s voice shook, and the doctor sat down on the edge of the table.

“He’s alive,” he replied carefully, “and the skin grafts seem successful. He had severe third-degree burns down the left half of his chest and his left arm, and second-degree burns on his neck and face.” Gray’s hand came up to his mouth and Freed squeezed his leg, wishing they could provide more comfort. “He also has inhalation injuries from the smoke, which means he can’t breathe on his own right now and is on a ventilator. He should be able to come off that in a couple of days, depending on how he’s doing.”

“That’s good,” Freed said quickly, feeling Gray grab their hand and squeeze it. He was clearly not in any place to ask questions right now. Freed rubbed their thumb over Gray’s knuckles.

“How long will he have to stay in the hospital?” Laxus asked.

“If he’s recovering well, maybe two weeks,” the doctor replied, scratching his beard. “We need to make sure the grafts take well and that there’s no infection, and that he’s breathing okay on his own. He won’t spend all of that time in the ICU, we’ll move him to the burn unit on the fourth floor once he’s stabilized and off the ventilator. That could be either tomorrow or the day after.”

“Can I see him?” Gray whispered. Freed saw Laxus place his hand on Gray’s back, rubbing gentle circles between Gray’s shoulder blades. “Please?”

“You can,” Doctor Carter said gently. “But I need to warn you that it looks a lot worse than it is. The burns on his face can’t be bandaged so they look quite severe, and seeing someone on a ventilator can be distressing. You can bring one person in with you, but we limit it to two visitors at a time. And it’s after hours, so it’ll only be for a few minutes.”

“You two go,” Laxus said immediately. “Gray, I’ll go to your place and pack up some clothes so you can come stay with us for tonight.” Gray nodded slowly. His eyes were slightly unfocused, and Freed’s heart ached for him. Laxus leaned over and tugged Gray into a tight hug, whispering something in his ear before pulling back and standing to leave. He kissed Freed on the cheek before leaving the room.

“Alright, come with me,” Doctor Carter said, gesturing for them to follow him out of the room. They stopped at a station with a large sink, and he indicated for them to wash their hands. “You’ll need to limit your touch with him – his non-injured hand, legs and hair are fine, but avoid any bandaged areas and his face.” Gray and Freed both nodded, then followed Doctor Carter through a curtain and into one of the small rooms.

“Oh my god,” Gray whispered, knees buckling as he saw Natsu on the bed. Freed caught him around the waist and gently guided him to a chair. “Natsu, sweetheart…”

Freed truly hoped that Natsu was doing better than he looked, because he looked awful. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of hospital-issued pants, and his entire left side of his chest was covered with bandages, some of which were stained with blood. His left arm was bandaged as well, and a patch of awful looking red-and-black blisters covered the side of his neck and part of his left cheek. The ventilator rested on the other side of his face, tube coming out of his open mouth, which was ringed by black, peeling skin. An IV was in his hand, trailing to a machine that seemed to be supplying him with several different medications.

“Remember, it looks worse than it is,” Freed said softly as Gray began to cry. Gray reached out and touched Natsu’s hair, running his fingers through it gently. “He’s alive, and he’s going to get better.” Gray sniffed, tentatively touching Natsu’s right hand and sliding their fingers together.

 _“Soit fort, mon coeur,”_ He whispered as Freed’s hand joined his over Natsu’s. _“T’es têtu, ça ira.”_

Gray’s words were shaky, but he smiled fondly at Natsu as he said them. Freed wasn’t sure what else to say, and they stood in silence behind Gray for a few minutes, rubbing gentle circles on his back. 

“I’m very sorry, but that’s all the time I can give you,” Doctor Carter said from the doorway. “You can come back tomorrow between nine and five, but remember it’s only two people, and only for an hour at a time. He needs time to sleep and heal.”

“Thank you,” said Freed, wrapping an arm around Gray’s shoulder and hugging him tight. “Come on, love. Let’s let him sleep.” Gray nodded listlessly, biting his lip as he struggled against his tears. He ran his thumb over Natsu’s palm, then stroked Natsu’s hair again and stood slowly.

 _“Je t’aime,”_ Gray murmured, exhaling slowly. “See you tomorrow, sweetheart.”

 

* * *

 

Gray fell asleep in the car on the way home, head nestled into the crook of Freed’s shoulder. Freed stroked Gray’s hair, feeling his soft breaths against their collarbone. The streetlights on the road blurred together as Freed rubbed their eyes and leaned their head back, listening to the quiet music that Laxus had turned on in the front seat.

“You okay, babe?” Laxus glanced in the rearview mirror and Freed gave him a soft smile. They sighed, resting their head on Gray’s.

“My problems feel insignificant after seeing Natsu,” they admitted, trying to get the image of charred flesh and blisters out of their mind. “I wish we could do more.”

“Your pain isn’t insignificant,” Laxus said softly, flicking on the windshield wipers. An early April rain was beginning to patter down, trailing patterns across the window. “What happened at the restaurant...”

“Honestly, I can’t...” Freed felt a heavy pain in their chest and they closed their eyes, snuggling closer to Gray. He shifted in his sleep and made a soft, grumbling noise. “I can’t talk about it. It hurts.”

Now that the crisis with Natsu was somewhat under control, the image of Freed’s father kept filling their mind, angry and hard and disappointed. Why did they care about disappointing him? Why did they care what he thought? They hadn’t seen him in ten years, why-

“Hey.” Gray blinked awake and Freed realized that they’d been tightening their fingers on his arm. Gray sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and then wrapping his arm around them, pulling them into a hug. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as Freed desperately tried to push back their tears.

“Don’t be,” Freed insisted, wiping at their face. “Don’t... it’s...”

“Today sucks,” Laxus rumbled from the front seat. Freed nodded sadly, yawning as fatigue suddenly hit them. “You two go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when we get home.”

 

* * *

 

**Volunteer firefighter injured, called hero after saving young girl**

_Twenty-three-year-old Natsu Dubois-Tremblay, a volunteer firefighter from Magnolia, was badly injured when helping evacuate Fort McKay on Monday morning. He was airlifted to the Magnolia hospital with life-threatening burns but is now in stable condition._

_Natsu is being called a hero by the city of Magnolia, as his injuries were caused after he saved the lives of Ella Stelby, six, and Erik Kobura, a fellow firefighter. Both escaped the blaze with minor injuries._

Freed swiped at the article that had made the rounds with their friends, glad to see that Natsu’s condition had been upgraded from “critical” to “stable”. They tucked their phone into their back pocket, washing their hands at the ICU entrance, then making their way down the hallway to where Natsu was staying. As they approached the door, they heard a soft voice.

They peeked around the corner to see Gray, sitting on the chair next to the bed and holding Natsu’s hand, brushing his hair back and singing softly to him. Freed smiled, recognizing the words from their wedding song.

Not wanting to embarrass Gray, Freed waited until he finished the song before knocking gently on the door. Gray’s neck still flushed red, but Freed pretended they didn’t see it.

“How’s he doing?” they asked gently, settling into the chair next to Gray. They glanced up at the clock – ten more minutes and then they had to leave the ICU for a while. Natsu had been here two days now and was coming off the ventilator this afternoon. The burns on his face were looking slightly better, although the skin around his nose and lips was still peeling away.

“Hard to tell,” Gray said quietly, sliding up so he kept stroking Natsu’s hair but let Freed take Natsu’s hand. Gray looked better today – eyes brighter, smile easier. “I hope he knows we’re here. The doctor says the grafts are already looking good.” He made a face. “They kicked me out when they changed the bandages, which was probably a good idea, because... bleh.” He looked around them, sighing. “Fuck, I hate this place.”

“Oh my god, I am the worst friend,” Freed said suddenly, feeling like an idiot. “You were here after...”

“After Lyon shot me, yeah.” Gray reached up and rubbed his shoulder. “It’s the last place I ever wanted to see Natsu.” Freed made a sympathetic noise and shuffled closer to Gray.

They sat in silence for the remainder of their time with Natsu, with Gray occasionally humming bits of songs to him. Eventually the nurses came in and gave them the look that sent them out of the room.

“I keep thinking about my mom,” Freed said suddenly as they walked down the corridors to the front doors. They hadn’t talked about this yet, but the emotions that were growing from the restaurant incident had Freed feeling like they were cracking everywhere, leaking bits of regret and grief wherever they went.

“In a good way?” Gray asked, grabbing the door and holding it open for Freed. It was a gorgeous day – bright sun, blue sky, pink cherry blossoms littering the ground beneath their feet. They had two hours to kill before Natsu was moved to the burn unit, and Gray had suggested a walk to the nearby coffee shop where Ryos worked part-time.

“I keep... remembering things. Little memories of her.” Freed played with the bracelet wrapped around their left wrist that Sylvie had made for them. “Mom used to make pancakes on Saturday mornings, and she would let us sneak chocolate chips in when dad wasn’t looking.” They felt themself smiling. “She... she taught me how to read. Every night before bed we’d read ‘Little Women’.”

Freed swallowed, pinching the inside of their wrist to keep from crying. The word ‘hope’ was tattooed there, chosen when they were eighteen, in a simple dark script.

“Do you think you’re... missing her?” Gray asked, stopping their walk and leaning against a low brick wall, encouraging Freed to join him. “I mean, like you’re mourning who she was.”

Freed considered Gray’s words. They’d never thought of it like that. The woman who’d showed up in their life last week certainly wasn’t the mom they remembered from their childhood. Or maybe she was, and back then Freed had been too young and naïve to realize it.

“Maybe,” they admitted. “I’m just tired of being angry.” The sweet scent of cherry blossoms filled their nose and they tipped their head up, watching the sunlight filter through the flowers above them. “I keep thinking I’m over it, and then it just...” They sighed.

“I struggle with that, too,” Gray said carefully. “I tried... I mean, I forgave Lyon, I sent him that letter, I told him I didn’t want him in my life.” He bumped his shoulder against Freed’s. “But I still miss him. Like, I miss back when he was my brother. And he’s not my brother anymore.” Gray rubbed absently at the snowflake tattoos on his wrist. “I miss how it used to be. Sounds like it’s the same with your mom.”

“Gods, I feel like an idiot today,” Freed said, shaking their head. “I didn’t even think about you and Lyon.” 

“Mmm,” Gray said quietly. He tapped his fingers against his palm. “Being there, in the ICU... it brings it back up again. Just when you think you’re over something...”

“I don’t think we ever get over this kind of stuff,” Freed replied. The sun was warming the tops of their feet and they were glad they’d worn flip-flops today. “We just have to learn to live with it.”

“You sound like Mira,” Gray said, laughing. “She always had inspirational quotes like that. Sometime about life not being easier, but us getting stronger?” He snorted. “Pretty sure she found that on Pinterest.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true,” Freed argued, pushing off the wall and stretching. They looked at Gray contemplatively. He was dressed in one of Natsu’s old faded t-shirts and a pair of skinny jeans, and a hoodie with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His hair was cut much shorter now than when they’d met – the sides were cropped and the top was long and choppy, with bangs that fell in his face. He’d almost entirely stopped wearing contacts and instead wore dark-rimmed glasses that he was constantly adjusting on his nose. 

“What?” Gray frowned at Freed, who shook their head, smiling.

“Nothing.” They sighed. “Actually. I’m not... I don’t want to be insensitive, so I’m sorry if-”

“I won’t be offended, I promise,” Gray said, poking at Freed’s toes with his shoe.

“Do you ever regret telling Lyon that you didn’t want to see him again?”

“Yes,” Gray answered immediately. He looked sad, and Freed almost wished they hadn’t brought it up. “There’s times where I think I might want him in my life. Like, I imagine him leaving prison and being a decent human being again, and things going back to how they were.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Or at the wedding. I wished he was there. But he’s... a stranger now.” Gray tipped his head up to gaze at Freed. “And I can change my mind anytime.”

“You... what?” Freed hadn’t considered that.

“Well, it’s up to me now, right? He can’t just send me letters when he feels like it, because our interactions are on my terms.” Gray poked at Freed again. “It’s the same with your family. It’s not like you’re banned from speaking to them ever again – it was your choice, and you can change your mind if you want.”

“Oh.” Freed frowned. “I never thought about that.”

“Cutting it off with them might be what’s healthiest for you now,” Gray added, digging his shoe into the ground and drawing circles in the dirt. “But maybe later you’ll change your mind. Or maybe you won’t. But you have the power now, and for me... that was important.”

“Y-yeah,” Freed said quietly, feeling slightly off-kilter. The last couple of days had been spent obsessing about how final the decision had been, when perhaps that wasn’t the case at all.

“You okay?” Gray stood up and touched Freed’s elbow gently, and they blinked out of their reverie.

“Fine, just...” They made a vague gesture and Gray nodded to indicate that he knew exactly what they were talking about. Wordlessly, Gray nudged Freed back onto the path, and they both headed through the sunny afternoon towards the coffee shop.

 

* * *

 

“Natsu.” Gray’s face broke into a smile as they stepped into the new room on the burn unit to see Natsu with his eyes open, being helped into a sitting position by a nurse. The bandages on his chest and arm were still there but had recently been changed, and a small bruise colored the right side of his mouth where the ventilator had been sitting.

“H-hey Snowflake,” Natsu said, voice raspy and hoarse. The nurse stepped out of the way and Gray immediately moved forward, gently touching Natsu’s cheek with his fingertips.

“Oh my god, you’re awake. How’re you feeling?” Natsu frowned, looking around and then down at his torso. The nurse gestured to Freed that she was stepping out momentarily, and Freed took her place near the head of the bed.

“Ugh, like hell,” Natsu replied, coughing and reaching up to touch the oxygen cannula in his nose. Gray grabbed his wrist to keep his hands away from the open wounds. “What’s-” Natsu made a face and winced at the pull on his burns. “What did...”

“You almost died,” Gray said, voice shaky. He squeezed Natsu’s hand then took a step back, exhaling sharply. Freed put out a hand to steady him.  

“Well I don’t _feel_ dead,” Natsu joked, wincing as he shuffled up on the bed.

“But you WERE almost dead,” Gray said, voice becoming angry. Freed could see that the stress of the last few days was taking a toll on him. He ran his hands through his hair, eyes wide. “Holy shit, you almost died and I would have been alone again, and I have lost enough fucking people in my life, I am NOT losing my husband too!”

Freed reached out for him but he brushed their hand away, pacing to the end of the bed.

“And... holy fucking hell I am so SICK of this goddamn _osti de l’hôpital, câlice de shit de tabarnak. T’es une idiote, tu fais toujours des stupidités, tu m’as fait tellement peur, tu es trop téméraire!”_ He took a deep breath, running a hand over his face. Natsu looked over at Freed, a half-smile on his face.

“Are you impressed that I understood most of that?” Freed gave him an exasperated look before Gray started up again.

“ _Prend ça au sérieux! T’as failli mourir!_ ” Gray’s face crumpled and he burst into tears, arms crossing over his stomach. Natsu’s grin disappeared immediately and he made a sad sound, reaching out for Gray and wincing at the pull on his bandages.

“Hey, don’t cry,” he said softly, tugging Gray to sit down beside him on the bed. “Snowflake. I’m here, I’m okay.” Freed made as if to leave the room but Natsu shook his head.

“But you almost weren’t,” Gray mumbled, sniffling. “I can’t... I can’t lose you. I’m so tired of losing people.”

“I know,” Natsu said gently, pushing Gray’s bangs out of his face. “I’m sorry, Snowflake. I just... I couldn’t...” Gray sighed, leaning forward and kissing Natsu’s forehead gently.

“You might be a reckless idiot, but you’re also incredibly brave,” Gray murmured, looking fondly at Natsu. “You were on the news, y’know. They used that stupid picture of you from the picnic that you hate.” Natsu groaned, then looked up at Gray, concerned.

“Is the girl... is she okay?” he asked, brow creasing. “And Erik? Did...”

“Everyone’s fine,” Freed reassured him from their spot next to the bed. “The girl had minor smoke inhalation injuries and Erik broke his leg, but you got the worst of it.”

Natsu sighed in relief, then doubled over, coughing horribly. Gray rested a gentle hand on his back, helping him relax once the fit had passed.

“You were on a ventilator for a couple days,” Gray explained as Natsu sucked in a few ragged breaths. Freed reached up and helped him adjust the oxygen cannula until he could breathe properly again. “You need to take it easy.”

“Ugh,” Natsu wheezed, leaning his head back against the pillow. “I can get behind that.” He looked down at his arm and chest again and an uncomfortable expression flitted across his face.

“We’ll get through this,” Gray murmured softly, squeezing Natsu’s fingertips.

“It’s... is it bad?” Natsu asked quietly. He wouldn’t meet Freed or Gray’s eyes. “It’s gonna look...it’ll be obvious. The scars, I mean.” Freed could see tears starting to pool at the corner of Natsu’s eyes, so they settled down on the bed next to him.

“Yes,” they said honestly, knowing Gray wouldn’t be able to answer. “They did skin grafts on your arm and chest, you were very badly burned.” Natsu swallowed heavily, reaching up a hand to his face. Gray grabbed his wrist again, shaking his head.

“There’s open burns on your face, sweetheart,” Gray explained, voice thick. “You can’t touch them.” A few tears slipped from Natsu’s eyes and Freed’s heart ached.

“I need...” Natsu sniffled, wincing. “Fuck, this is...” He exhaled shakily. “I’m so tired.” Gray nodded, standing up and moving over to the other side of the bed. He kicked off his shoes and slid up next to Natsu, pulling him so that Natsu’s head was tucked gently into the crook of his neck. Freed maneuvered until they were sitting where Natsu had been and took his hand gently in theirs.

“Go to sleep,” Gray whispered, and Freed could see that his own eyes were closing. “It’ll be okay. We’re not going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

“Uncle Natsu!” Sylvie threw herself into the room and charged over to the hospital bed where Natsu smiled at her broadly.

“Be care-”

“I _know,_ Uncle Gray,” Sylvie said, rolling her eyes and skidding to a stop. She peered at the burn on Natsu’s face with fascination. “Was that from the fire?” Natsu nodded, but before he could say anything she kept going, hopping up on the bed next to him. “Did it hurt? Maman said they took some of your other skin and put it over the yucky skin. Did that hurt? She said you couldn’t breathe and they had to put a tube in your throat and breathe for you like Darth Vader.” She bounced on the bed a little while she talked. “Can I see what it looks like when they take off the bandaids? I wanna be a doctor.”

“Sure you can, sunshine,” Natsu said, letting her lean in to peer at the blackened skin around his mouth and nose. “It’s pretty gross though. You gonna puke?” Sylvie gave him a withering look.

“I have a strong stomach,” she announced. Natsu laughed at her while Gray rolled his eyes affectionately. “Renaud doesn’t like blood though so he was crying but I’m brave.”

“You are brave,” Natsu said solemnly. Ultear moved over to Gray and pulled him into a hug, and he slumped against her.

“And you’re brave too because you saved a girl like me,” Sylvie added. She looked serious for a moment and leaned over, hugging Natsu as gently as possible. He exhaled, pressing a kiss to her hair. Freed could see Gray tearing up and they stepped closer to him and Ultear. “I told my class that you were like Captain America ‘cause you were in the news and you save people and Alix said I was wrong and you were like the Human Torch which is dumb ‘cause you got lit on fire not on purpose, so I punched him in the nose.” Natsu snorted.

“And we discussed that we don’t punch people because we disagree with them,” Ultear said gently. Sylvie rolled her eyes. “Although we’re all very proud of you, Natsu. I’m so happy to see that you’re alright.”

“Yeah, I’ll just have some sweet scars to match Gray,” Natsu joked. Gray gave him an exasperated look, reaching down and grasping Freed’s hand. Freed knew that Gray was worried about Natsu’s scars – they were going to be extensive. The burn on his arm extended down to the back of his hand, and his chest was bandaged from shoulder to hip. His nose, mouth, cheek and neck were also going to scar, and it was going to be obvious.

“Can you come home now?” Sylvie asked, lying down on Natsu’s right side and cuddling up against him. “I miss you.” He laughed, wrapping his uninjured arm around her.

“Not yet, sunshine,” he replied, and she pouted sadly. “They haven’t even let me get out of bed yet.” He shifted uncomfortably and Freed moved forward, adjusting the pillow behind him. He looked up and smiled at them gratefully.

A set of hands on Freed’s hips made them jump, and they twisted to the side to see Laxus standing behind them, smiling. Laxus leaned down and kissed Freed’s cheek.

“Hey, little mouse,” Laxus said, waving at Sylvie. She grinned at him, showing off her missing front tooth. “You’re looking significantly less dead.” The last comment was directed at Natsu, who flipped Laxus off subtly behind Sylvie’s back, giving him a wide smile.

“Laxus!” Freed hissed, slapping his thigh, but Natsu shook his head. Freed was always amazed by how Natsu and Laxus could insult each other and call it friendship.

“Come with me,” Laxus whispered in Freed’s ear, nipping gently at their earlobe. They sighed, melting back into him before remembering they were in a hospital room. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Freed glanced over at Gray, who gave them a smile and nodded toward the door.

“Get outta here,” he said, still wrapped in Ultear’s arms. “Get some sunshine or something. We’ll be okay.” He glanced over to Natsu, who was now being regaled by Sylvie’s description of the latest ‘Percy Jackson’ book. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Freed said gently, smiling at the family in front of them. “Text me if you need anything. I’ll come back tomorrow.” Gray nodded, reaching over and squeezing Freed’s hand.

Freed sighed as they left the hospital, looking up and letting the sun warm their face. Laxus’ hand was heavy in theirs, fingers twined together, and they bumped against him gently as they made their way down the path.

“I’m glad he’s okay,” Laxus said quietly, squeezing Freed’s hand. “He still looks...” He trailed off.

“Yeah.” Freed sighed, rubbing their eyes. “But he’s alive.” Laxus hummed in agreement. “Where are we going?” Freed asked, changing the subject. Laxus smiled, looking almost shy. They had arrived at his motorcycle and he gestured for Freed to put on their helmet and hop on the bike.

“Surprise,” was all he said, kicking up the stand and revving the engine to life. The familiar rumbling was calming to Freed, and they wrapped their arms around Laxus’ waist, snuggling up against his back. Coasting out of the parking lot, Laxus made his way down the main freeway and through several roads, until Freed realized they were heading for the beach.

The wind whipped through the sleeves of their leather jacket and tickled the hairs on their neck as the bike rumbled beneath them. The closer they got to the ocean, the stronger the scent of salt water became. Gulls screamed overhead, picking up remnants of hot dogs and ice cream cones, and the sound of the surf started to break through the noise of the motorcycle.

Laxus parked near the market, which was in full swing today. The stalls around them sold anything from fridge magnets to handmade jewelry, and on the weekends, it included a farmer’s market with fresh fruits, fish and cheeses. Freed hadn’t been here in years.

Freed hopped off the bike and pulled off their helmet, shoving it into the compartment and tugging their fingers through their hair. Laxus’ hands moved theirs out of the way and he began to comb it gently, then plaited it into a simple braid. Freed felt a swell of affection for Laxus as he reached the end of Freed’s hair and tied it off with one of the elastics he kept on his wrist, just for Freed.

“Now.” Laxus looked at Freed and then glanced over at the end of the market where an ice cream stall stood, claiming to have over two hundred flavors. Freed blinked as they suddenly realized that this was the place they’d first met. “I believe we had a date, a long time ago, to get some ice cream. And then some asshat ruined it.” Freed laughed, feeling happy tears pricking their eyes.

“Yeah, he was a real jerk,” Freed said softly, smiling at Laxus.

“Well, he doesn’t deserve a gorgeous person like you,” Laxus murmured, taking Freed’s hand and pulling them toward him. “So how about you go get ice cream with me instead?”

“I think that can be arranged,” Freed murmured, leaning in for a kiss. Laxus made a soft noise into Freed’s mouth, then bit their lip gently, pulling back and tugging Freed along after him toward the ice cream shop.

Twenty minutes later they found themselves in the driftwood cove, sitting on the same patch of sand and leaning against the same log they’d been against all those years ago. Laxus stole bites of Freed’s mint-chocolate-chip cone, while Freed made faces at Laxus’ pineapple sorbet.

“I love you,” Laxus said softly, once the ice cream was finished and the sun was beginning to set. He turned to Freed and touched their chin gently, brushing a strand of hair from their face. They blushed at his intense gaze, looking at the sand. “You know that I’m always on your side, right?”

“Laxus...” Freed leaned forward into Laxus’ touch, kissing his palm and smiling. “Of course. You’ve been incredible with… everything.”

“No, it’s _you_ that’s incredible,” Laxus murmured. His fingertips were rough against Freed’s skin. “And this stuff with Natsu- I just- if I lost you...” Freed exhaled shakily. They had been thinking the exact same thing. “I know you’re not into the whole marriage thing, and I’m not either, but I just want... I wanted to say it officially.”

“Say...” Freed glanced up at Laxus, frowning. “Say what?”

“That I love you. Completely and unconditionally.” Laxus took Freed’s hands in his and gazed at them seriously. “I promise to take care of you, and to support you while you take care of yourself.” Freed’s heart stuttered as they realized what Laxus was doing. “I promise to listen to you and respect who you are, even when you’re not sure yourself.”

“Laxus,” Freed breathed, tears streaming down their face. “You...”

“I’ll make you samosas whenever you want them,” Laxus continued, “and never forget to order your Starbucks drinks with light ice.” Freed giggled, burying their face in their hands. “I’ll always let you eat the croutons from my salad, and I’ll always let you be the big spoon.”

“You are ridiculous,” Freed said, laughing as tears streamed down their cheeks.

“And I’m madly in love with you,” Laxus said, grinning. “I swear I’ll be with you forever, or until you decide that’s not what you want anymore.”

Freed sighed happily and leaned forward, capturing Laxus’ lips and letting out an undignified sound as he hoisted them into his lap. He kissed them back passionately, fingers threading through their hair and wrecking their braid, lips pressing against theirs insistently.

“Maybe... ahhh... that guy wasn’t such an asshole after all,” Freed gasped between kisses, running their hands through Laxus’ hair and down to his hips. Their thumbs slipped under his shirt, dancing patterns across his back.

“Mmm, I think he realized what he was gonna lose,” Laxus rumbled. His fingers drifted down Freed’s back, playing with the hem of their jeans.

“We really shouldn’t make out in a public park,” Freed admonished, not at all attempting to stop Laxus’ wandering hands. Laxus hummed, pressing kisses against Freed’s neck.

“Then let’s go home,” he suggested, but Freed shook their head, moving their hands back up to cup Laxus’ face.

“I wanna watch the sunset with you first,” they whispered, squirming in Laxus’ lap until they were curled up against his chest, facing the ocean. He wrapped his arms around them and hummed in satisfaction. “We’ve got all the time in the world, right?”

“Right,” Laxus said, pressing a kiss to the top of their head. “Because I promised you forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **French Translations**  
>  Soit fort, mon coeur = be strong, sweetheart  
> T’es têtu, ça ira = you're stubborn, it'll be okay  
> ...osti de l’hôpital! Criss d'idiot, tu fais toujours des stupidités, tu m'as fait tellement peur, tu es trop téméraire! = fucking hospital! Fucking idiot, you always do such stupid things, you scared me so badly, you're too reckless!  
> Prend ça au sérieux! T'as failli mourir! = Take this seriously! You almost died! 
> 
> I dunno if burn units are a thing elsewhere, but we have one here that's specifically dedicated to injured firefighters. 
> 
> I have no idea why I have a thing for Gray with glasses and shorter hair, and soft hoodies, but here we are.
> 
> Gray just reverts to angry French when he's scared - our first language is our emotion language after all. And Natsu's gotten to the point now where he gets most conversations in French, but when Gray is yelling and swearing it's probably a lot harder to understand.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed and Laxus spend a summer together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for alcoholism and child abuse. 
> 
> Not really a trigger but this chapter contains a sex scene between two consenting minors. They are of legal age to consent (at least where I live).

**Nine and a Half Years Ago**

“So, you’re Laxus?”

Bix stood in the doorway to the house, Lily not far behind him, tail wagging as she recognized Freed. It had been a week since their kiss at the beach and Laxus had insisted on coming to meet and apologize Bix and Ever. Now that he was here, however, Freed could tell he was more than a little overwhelmed. Laxus swallowed uncomfortably, sticking out his hand.

“Y-yes, sir,” he replied. Freed nudged his arm and nodded at Bix’s hand, and Laxus blinked in confusion until he realized what Freed meant. He reached out hesitantly and tapped the back of his hand to Bix’s, who immediately took it and shook it.

“Don’t call me sir, makes me feel old,” Bix joked, giving Laxus a wide grin and gesturing for him to come in. “This is Lily, you can pet her if she’s not wearing her harness. Do you like dogs?”

“I, uh, y-yeah...” Laxus trailed off, crouching down on the floor next to the golden retriever, whose tail began to thump noisily against the hardwood. Laxus ran his hands over her face, laughing when she licked him. “Sh-she’s beautiful, th-thank you, I, um...”

“You sound terrified,” Bix said, crossing his arms over his chest. Freed wasn’t sure if Bix knew how intimidating he looked when he did that, or if he did it on purpose. Bix was not a small man, and even Laxus, who was tall and athletic, looked small next to him.

“I, um... I just wanted to apologize,” Laxus said quietly, standing up and shoving his hands into his pockets. “I was awful to Freed, and I feel terrible, and I apologized to them and now I wanted to say sorry to you, too, because I know you’re their family.”

There was silence for a moment. Part of Freed wanted to jump in and rescue Laxus, tell him it was fine and that everything was okay, but another part of them knew that he needed to apologize. He _had_ been horrible, and he needed to make amends.

“All right. Thank you.” Bix smiled, uncrossing his arms and gesturing down the hallway. “I guess Freed will probably give you a tour of the place. Are you staying for supper?”

“I, uh...” Laxus blinked, gaping at Bix. “That’s... that’s it?”

“Mhmm,” Bix replied, holding out a hand in Freed’s general direction. Freed grabbed it and Bix pulled them into a one-armed hug, kissing the top of their head. “I’m not Freed’s dad – hell, I’m not _that_ much older than you two, assuming you’re the same age.” Freed made a sound of assent. “I don’t set curfews or threaten to shoot you if you’re not back from dates by eleven. I know you hurt Freed, but if they’ve forgiven you and see good in you, then I trust them. I just ask that you continue to treat them with respect. Fair?”

“V-very,” Laxus replied, nodding emphatically. “Thank you.” Lily bumped his hand with her head and he scratched behind her ears.

“Okay, we’re going upstairs,” Freed said, giving Bix another quick hug. “Do you want me to make ramen tonight? Maybe I can teach Laxus how to cook.” They looked over at Laxus and winked.

“Sounds good to me,” Bix said. “Ever’s gonna be back around six; I’ll probably be out in the garden.”

“Oh, Ever said to tell you to swap the peppers and peas this year – something about the sunlight. Do you want me to go mark them?” Bix shook his head.

“Nah, I’ll text you if I need help.” He double-checked his back pocket for his phone. “Lil might come hang out with you two, she doesn’t seem to be a fan of the heat.”

“That’s just fine,” Freed cooed, crouching down in front of Lily and kissing her nose. “She’s such a good puppy, isn’t she? Yes, she is.” Lily panted happily, tipping her head to the side and thumping her tail on the floor.

“All right, I’ll see you for dinner. Nice meeting you, Laxus.” Bix flashed a wide smile at the two of them, then turned around and headed toward the back of the house. Freed gestured for Laxus to follow them down the hallway and up the stairs to their room.

They felt self-conscious as soon as he stepped inside. It was a small room, and their bed was shoved up against the window so they could look out into the back yard they shared with the neighbors. A map of Middle Earth dominated one wall, as well as posters from several TV series. Their desk was neatly organized with their schoolwork stacked in one corner, their laptop plugged in beside the papers.

“I feel like I take up most of the room,” Laxus joked, shuffling awkwardly in place. Lily pushed past him and jumped up onto the bed, curling up on Freed’s pillow. Freed sat down next to her, combing their fingers through her thick fur. “Honestly, this is huge compared to the RV. I like it.”

“Thanks,” Freed said shyly. Laxus was in their _room._ When Freed had told Bix and Ever that Laxus was coming over, they had expected a lecture on keeping the door open and not doing anything untoward. Instead, Bix had just told them to close their door if they wanted privacy and asked if they felt they had enough resources from the Pride Center. Freed had turned a spectacular shade of red, but had also been touched that they weren’t being treated like a child.

Laxus moved to sit on the desk chair, but Freed shook their head, gesturing to the bed.

“Come here,” they said quietly, scooting backward until they were leaning against the wall and Lily was lying across their feet. Laxus sat down, close but not touching, and cleared his throat.

“Can I, um... can we talk?” he asked nervously. Freed felt their heart drop and Laxus must have noticed because he shook his head quickly. “No, no, no, nothing bad, I just...” He sighed, rubbing his face. “I fucked up when we met because I didn’t know... about you. And the internet only gets me so far, and I want to make sure I-I understand.” His cheeks were dusted pink, eyes trained on the blanket. “I don’t wanna hurt you again.”

“Laxus...” Freed said softly, reaching out and touching his hand. “Of course.” They shifted until they were sitting cross-legged, knee touching Laxus. “I need you to understand something, though.”

Laxus nodded, swallowing, as Lily moved to rest her head in his lap. She gazed up at him adoringly and he ran his fingers through her fur.

“I might time to explain myself,” Freed said. They tucked their hands into their hoodie sleeves and rubbed the fabric between their fingers nervously. “I’m still figuring this stuff out too, so I might not know the answer right away. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to take me seriously.”

Laxus nodded, then they sat in silence for a few seconds, not looking at each other.

“I don’t... I feel like there’s no way to ask this that isn’t offensive,” Laxus grumbled eventually, burying his face in his hands. “I just can’t... I’m curious, and I feel like it’s important, but...”

“Is it about my body?” Freed asked, smiling a little when Laxus’ cheeks turned pink. They’d found out quickly that he was _very_ easily embarrassed, and that he looked adorable when he blushed.

“Mmm.”

“I was born female.” Laxus’ cheeks flushed brighter pink and he stared at the knee of his pants as if it was suddenly fascinating. “You were wondering if I was intersex?”

“H-how... argh, how do you just _say these words?”_ Laxus groaned. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced up at Freed. “Yes, I just... when I was reading. Online. And some people said they were born... like that, and then they decided to be neither and I wasn’t sure...”

“It’s okay,” Freed said quietly, resting their chin on their knees. “It’s a valid question. It wouldn’t be appropriate if you weren’t my-” They stopped, biting their lip and looking up at Laxus. They hadn’t discussed that yet. There had been some covert hand-holding and lots of kissing down at the beach, but they hadn’t put a name on the feelings between them.

“That’s another question.” Laxus glanced up at Freed. “I wanna be your... whatever you wanna call me. But I don’t know what to call you. If you wanna, I mean.”

“Oh.” Freed felt their face getting warm, and they dropped their forehead to their knees. “That’s... good. ‘Cause I wanna too.” They exhaled shakily. “There’s a few options for non-binary people. Things like ‘partner’ sound really... I dunno, like you have to be together for a long time. But I like, um, ‘datefriend’.”

“Huh.” Laxus looked surprised, as if he were rolling the word around in his mind. “‘Datefriend’. I like it.” He reached across the gap between them and grabbed Freed’s hand, tugging on it until Freed shifted toward him on the bed. “Freed, you wanna be my datefriend?”

“Of course I do, you idiot,” Freed mumbled, as Laxus pulled them against his chest. “And I can call you my boyfriend.”

“Works for me,” Laxus said softly, leaning down and nudging their nose with his. “Can I kiss you?”

“Always,” Freed replied, tilting their head up and letting their lips meet Laxus’. Lily hopped down off the bed as if giving them privacy. The kiss was soft and slow, and Laxus ran his hands down Freed’s sides, maneuvering himself so they were both lying on the bed and facing each other. Freed bit Laxus’ lip gently and he let out a soft moan, tilting his head and angling their jaws until they fit together better.

After a minute he pulled back, breathing shakily, and rested his forehead against Freed’s.

“We’re s’posed to be talkin’,” he murmured, running a hand up and down Freed’s side.

“Mmm, but kissing is more fun,” Freed argued, leaning in and pressing their lips to Laxus’ jaw. He shivered, tightening his grip on Freed’s hip.

“But we gotta talk,” Laxus insisted, propping his head up on one hand and running his other thumb over Freed’s cheek. “I don’t wanna fuck up again.”

“You’re right.” Freed kissed the palm of Laxus’ hand, nervousness coiling in the pit of their stomach. When they were kissing it was easy – everything felt right. But what happened when they wanted to take it further? They sighed. “All right. What else?”

“Um, well... I mean, when maybe we might, I dunno, want... to...”

“Have sex?” Freed asked. Laxus groaned.

“You have to understand that I have literally _never_ talked about... sex... out loud to another person in my life,” Laxus said, face flushing with shame. “The only reason I realized I was gay is ‘cause there was this guy in one of the towns we stopped an’ he figured it out and gave me a talk. But my dad... well, you know how it is.”

“Yeah.” Freed squeezed Laxus’ hand sympathetically. At least Freed had their online chat rooms, and a couple queer kids at school who had let them into their group, assuming they were a lesbian. Laxus hadn’t been around kids his age since he hit puberty. “I’ve been going to groups at the Pride Center. They talk about this stuff a lot and it makes it easier.” Freed paused, uncertain. “You could come, if you wanted to.”

Laxus looked hesitant, but he didn’t shake his head. Freed knew it was hard for him – his father didn’t know about their relationship, and Freed worried that he would hurt Laxus if he found out. Luckily, Ivan managed to be busy with the church most weekends, which left Freed and Laxus with time to themselves.

“Look, I’ve never had sex before,” Freed admitted, squeezing Laxus’ hand again. “But I know things about my body, and I can tell you so that you don’t feel like you’re going in blind. And maybe if you have time or feel comfortable you can come to one of the classes or something, okay?”

“Yeah.” Laxus nodded and threaded their fingers together, thumb tracing circles on the back of Freed’s hand. “Yeah.” Lily hopped back up on the bed again, lying across their entwined ankles.

“Okay.” Freed exhaled, trying to think of where to start. “I, um, I wear this thing called a binder. To keep my, uh, chest flat. It’s kind of like a tank top but tighter. I don’t like being touched there most of the time.”

They indicated the line where their binder ended and Laxus nodded, cheeks still pink.

“Obviously I don’t have a penis.” Laxus flushed even darker. “I would theoretically, um, like it if you touched my- my clit. I don’t know how I would feel about being fingered. I’m fine doing it myself but we’d have to see.”

They exhaled shakily, squeezing Laxus’ hand in a silent question – _are you okay?_ Laxus nodded, swallowing heavily.

“S-so, um...” he stammered, not making eye contact with Freed. “W-what if- I mean, l-later, if... I dunno if y-you like b-being on th-the... I mean, if we... and...”

“Are you asking if I would let you be... inside me?” Freed asked hesitantly, hoping they weren’t interpreting Laxus’ words wrong. Laxus groaned and half-nodded. “I don’t think so. Not at first, anyway. I’m sorry.”

“No, ‘s fine, I don’t even, I’m not...” Laxus growled and dropped his head down to the pillow. “What if _I’m_ the one who wants to have _you_... y’know...” Freed blinked.

“Oh! Well that’s what strap-ons are for.” Laxus looked at them as if they had grown a second head. “You know, it’s like a harness, with a dildo on it, and-”

“Yes, I _know_ what a strap-on is thank you very much,” Laxus hissed. “Just... like I said. I’ve never talked much – ever – about this kind of stuff.” He buried his head in his arm and Freed touched his shoulder gently.

“I’m sorry,” they said, trying to think of a less overwhelming subject. “Let’s talk about something else for a bit. Tell me about your family.” Laxus peeked up at them. “Growing up, before your dad – where did you live?”

“Oh.” Laxus relaxed visibly, shifting so he was lying on his back with his arm behind his head. “I grew up in Ikaluk, actually.” Freed frowned, not recognizing the name. Canadian geography still threw them. “It’s in Nunavut, super far north. Above Manitoba, kind of.”

“I think I know where you’re talking about.” Freed looked over at him. “That’s pretty far from here.”

“Mmm.” Laxus sighed. “My dad was up there doing his stupid savior bullshit. My mom died when I was really little and he fucked off. My _aja_ and _akka_ raised me – my mom’s sister and her husband. Then dad came back when I was fourteen and... yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Freed said, running their fingers up Laxus’ arm. They weren’t sure what else to say. “What language was that?”

“Oh, um, Inuinnaqtun. My family spoke it there. They taught it in school too, but I wasn’t the best student.” Laxus sighed at the feeling of Freed’s fingers on his arm, drifting softly over his skin.

“Do you still speak it?”

“Um, _immaqa?”_ Laxus replied hesitantly. _“Nauna_ _._ I don’t know. I haven’t had anyone to use it with in a long time.” He gazed at his hands. “Dad never picked it up. He didn’t care about mom or me until he decided he wanted me to follow in his footsteps.” He chewed his lip. “I wish I looked like her instead of him.”

“I’m sorry,” Freed said again, shifting on the bed and cuddling up beside Laxus, resting their head on his chest. Laxus raised his hand to their head absently and began running his fingers through their hair. “I really like languages,” Freed said after a moment. “I speak French and I’m trying to learn Japanese. But I’ve never heard of In... uin...”

“Inuinnaqtun,” Laxus supplied, chest rumbling beneath them. “It’s an Inuit dialect. It’s kind of an... endangered language, I guess. And culture. It’s so different from here. There’s a lot of hunting and fishing – _akka_ Paul used to take me ice fishing on the lakes. I miss it.”

“So you _have_ seen a beach before, then,” Freed teased. Laxus’ chest shook with a laugh.

“Doesn’t count when it’s a lake,” he grumbled. “Never felt like a beach. The ocean’s just so... big.” Laxus turned and pressed his face to Freed’s forehead, exhaling softly. “I like it here.”

Freed snuggled closer to Laxus, tucking their head under his chin and shifting a leg between his. Laxus wrapped an arm around them and they happily.  

“I like it here, too.”

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks passed quickly in a blur of swimming, walks on the beach, long shifts at the bookstore, and hours of hidden touches and kisses behind Freed’s bedroom door. Laxus still didn’t have a phone, so they weren’t able to text, but they made up for it with stolen moments throughout the weeks.

Then one afternoon, Laxus came to Freed looking like his world was ending.

“We’re leaving in September,” he said as soon as Freed opened the door. Their heart sunk as they pulled him into a hug, burying their face in his chest. “H-he promised we’d come back for the summers... b-but he said we have to go.” Freed could feel tears on their neck and they sighed, stroking Laxus’ hair.

“I’ll be here,” they promised, chest aching. Part of them screamed _please, please don’t leave me,_ but they knew it was futile. They had already tried to convince Laxus to leave his father to no avail. “I’ll be here,” Freed whispered again, kissing Laxus’ cheek. “We have two weeks left, right?”

Laxus nodded miserably, wiping his face with his hand and taking a shaky breath. Freed tipped their head up and kissed Laxus gently, keeping their hands on either side of his face. Everything felt like it was falling apart, but they tried their best not to let it show. They leaned back, giving Laxus the best smile they could summon.

“Let’s make the best of it, then.”

 

* * *

 

“How’d you get your scar?” Freed traced their fingers over the lightning-bolt shaped mark that spanned Laxus’ right eye and their boyfriend tensed under him. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“No, it’s... it’s okay.” Laxus sighed. They were both lying on a blanket at the beach, listening to the waves and watching the sunset. Ivan had gone out of town for the weekend and had miraculously not asked Laxus to come with him, so Laxus was spending his last few days in Magnolia at Freed’s place. Bix had made them breakfast and they’d spent the afternoon biking around Heritage Park.

“It was a car accident.” Freed sensed that there was more to the story and waited patiently, running their fingers through Laxus’ hair. “We were in some rural town in Manitoba, and dad had been drinking. This was before we got that RV and we had this shitty little car, and he decided he needed to go to the liquor store. I didn’t have my permit or anything, but I knew how to drive from the truck we had up north, so he told me I had to take him.” 

Laxus paused for a minute, sighing and leaning in to Freed’s gentle hands in his hair. Freed kissed his forehead, cuddling up closer to him.

“I didn’t want him to drive, so I felt like sober me was better than drunk him, y’know?” Freed nodded. “It was winter, in Manitoba, so it was freezing and snowing and black ice everywhere. We had to take a bit of highway to get to where the liquor store was, and I lost control...” Laxus exhaled softly. “We flipped over into the ditch, the windshield shattered and the airbags went off...”

“Holy shit,” Freed murmured. Laxus laughed.

“That’s not even the best part. So I’m bleeding from my face and I broke my arm, and he’s drunk off his ass and somehow not injured, so what does he do? He calls 9-1-1 then gets out of the car and leaves, tells me he’ll pick me up at the hospital.”

“What?!” Freed was outraged, sitting up immediately and staring at Laxus in disbelief. “He left you, injured, in the ditch?” Laxus winced a little.

“He... yeah.” Laxus sighed. “Paramedics came, took me to the hospital, got stitches and a cast and all that. Couple hours later he shows up totally sober, telling the police I took the car without his permission.”

“That _asshole_ ,” Freed murmured, incredulous. “But... did you...”

“I went along with it,” Laxus said softly, cheeks pink with shame. “I thought he just didn’t want us to get in trouble. They didn’t charge me, he convinced them to let me go with a warning and we never went back. He was so proud of me after that, even took me out for dinner, said I did the right thing.”

“Laxus...” Freed ran their hand over their boyfriend’s cheek, feeling like they might cry. “Laxus, you need to tell somebody about him. He’s so horrible to you.” Laxus closed his eyes, turning his face away from Freed’s touch.

“I can’t,” he whispered. “He’s... since we’ve been here, he’s been better.” He rolled towards Freed and looked up at him sadly. “It’s better now. He drinks less. He’s not as angry.” He paused, closing his eyes. “Maybe he’ll be better for good, now.” 

“But he hurts you,” Freed said softly, lying down on the blanket and pressing their foreheads together. The bruise on Laxus’ jaw was healed now, but Freed still felt sick thinking about it. “There has to be someth-”

“He hasn’t hit me in a month,” Laxus argued, brows drawing together. “He leaves me alone, mostly. I know... look, I know he’s not a good person. But he’s my dad, and I have to take care of him.” He sighed. “If he went back on the road by himself, he’d just... he’d drive drunk and kill someone. Or drink until he killed himself.”

Freed’s fingers, which had been drawing soft circles on the backs of Laxus’ hands, drifted to the thick, white scar on Laxus’ wrist. Laxus stiffened, pulling his hand away a little.

“Sorry,” Freed whispered, letting go of his wrist. “I didn’t mean t-”

“It’s okay,” Laxus murmured, leaning over and kissing them. “Sometimes I worry that you’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you. You shouldn’t have to put up with all this fucked-up shit.”

“Don’t say that,” Freed whispered, kissing him again. Their chest ached, wishing they could take away the sadness. “Please don’t say that. I care about you so much.”

Laxus didn’t respond, just kissed them harder, pushing himself up on one elbow and leaning over them. Freed made soft noises into his mouth, twining their fingers in his hair and shivering at the sensation of his hands drifting over their sides and stomach. Suddenly they felt wetness on their cheeks and they opened their eyes, realizing that Laxus was crying.

“Laxus, what’s wrong?” They pulled away from the kiss and pushed themselves to sitting. Laxus shook his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “Hey, talk to me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you ups-”

“It was just after Christmas.” Laxus’ voice was rough and he refused to look at Freed. Instead he focused on the scar on his wrist, rubbing his fingers over it almost reverently. “We had just left Ikaluk. He let me visit my family, sometimes. I didn’t want to leave, I missed them so much, and I hated traveling with him. He kept preaching about how much he _hated_ people like me, and I felt so… hopeless.”

Freed felt like they were holding their breath. Laxus’ voice was so quiet, they could barely hear it over the sound of the waves. They ran a hand over his shoulders, tracing soft circles at the nape of his neck.

“I couldn’t see another way out,” Laxus continued, voice low. “He’d been drinking, so I smashed one of his beer bottles and…” He gestured at the scar and was silent for a moment. “Didn’t work. He found me in the bathroom and he was so angry he didn’t even talk. Just helped me bandage it up all silently. When he sobered up, we went into some shit town and got stitches at the medicenter. Told them I fell on broken glass and somehow they bought it.”

“Fuck,” Freed whispered, not sure what else to say. Their heart ached for Laxus, wishing they could go back and hug that lonely boy. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there.”

“You were,” Laxus said softly. “Sort of. I started talking to you not long after that, and it was like, suddenly, there was somebody who understood. I knew that if everything was shit all day long, I’d come back to my room and see a message from you and it would feel okay.”

Freed wasn’t certain what to say, so instead they laid back down next to Laxus, tucking their head into the crook of his neck. They splayed a hand over his stomach, rubbing soothing circles over the soft fabric.

“You helped me too,” they said after a moment. “Even with Bix and Ever… I felt really lonely here. It’s stupid, but I miss my parents.” Laxus made a soft sound. “Everything here was just so new and confusing and it felt like you were the only one who understood me.”

“I’m sorry I fucked that up,” Laxus whispered sadly. “Sometimes it feels like that’s all I do.”

“Don’t say that,” Freed said softly, leaning up and kissing his cheek. They knew he was talking about their first meeting. “You’re a kind person. You were just hurting.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Laxus mumbled, and Freed sighed.

“No, it’s not,” they conceded. “But I’ve already accepted your apology. And these past weeks with you have been amazing.” They felt their cheeks growing warm. “I don’t want it to end.”

“Me either,” Laxus said. “I don’t want to go.”

“At least we can text,” Freed said. Bix had insisted on buying Laxus a new phone so that he and Freed could keep in touch. “And maybe Skype if your dad is out.”

“Mmm,” Laxus replied, sighing deeply. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“I’m going to miss you, too.” Freed pushed themself up on one elbow and leaned over Laxus, kissing him gently. Laxus reached up and brushed Freed’s hair out of their face, sighing into the kiss. Freed felt something flutter in their stomach as they tilted their head, running their tongue along Laxus’ lower lip. He made a soft sound, bringing his other hand to Freed’s hip.

“Shouldn’t make out on the beach,” Freed murmured, running a hand down Laxus’ chest. Laxus chuckled underneath them.

“Let’s go back to your place, then.”

 

* * *

 

Freed moaned as Laxus kissed down their neck, tugging their shirt away and biting gently onto their shoulder.

“Nnnggnn.. .ahh...” Laxus pushed them down onto the bed, mouth returning to their lips and kissing them deeply as he slid a hand up their shirt. He stopped before the binder, dragging his fingers down Freed’s side and resting at the edge of their jeans. This was as far as they’d gone, so far.

“Do you wanna?” Laxus was breathless, fingers drawing gentle patterns onto the soft skin above Freed’s hip. “It’s okay if you’re not-”

“Yes,” Freed interrupted, reaching down and undoing the button of their jeans. “I do want-” They made a soft sound as Laxus kissed them again, running his hands around to their ass and grabbing it before tugging their pants down. They’d been teasing at this for weeks, now, and Freed moaned at the feeling of Laxus’ hands on their thighs.

“Can I?” Laxus asked, hand drifting to the waistband of Freed’s underwear. They nodded, reaching down and helping him slide the boxer briefs off. They glanced over at the door, making sure it was closed and locked.

“C’mere,” Freed murmured, reaching down and tugging at Laxus’ shirt. Laxus helped them guide it over his head, and it joined their pants on their floor. He kissed them again, teasing at the bottom of their shirt.

“Do you… is it okay…” he stammered, ducking his head in embarrassment.

“It’s…” Freed hesitated. They’d fantasized about this moment before, late at night with their hand between their legs, but being in the moment was different. “Can I leave it on?”

“Y-yeah,” Laxus said, hand returning to Freed’s hip instead. “S-sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Freed murmured, kissing Laxus again, running their fingers down his broad chest. “You don’t need to apologize.” Their hand drifted to his belt buckle and brushed it carefully, swallowing heavily. “Do y-you… can I…”

“Yeah.” Laxus’ voice was rough as Freed fumbled with his belt, finally undoing it and then popping open the button of his jeans. They could feel the bulge of Laxus’ erection pressing against their fingertips, and their breath caught in their throat. _Holy shit,_ they were actually doing this. “You okay?” Laxus asked, bringing a hand up to cover Freed’s. “We can stop.”

“N-no, it’s fine,” Freed insisted, sliding his zipper down and encouraging Laxus to slip out of his jeans. Laxus left his boxers on, still leaning over Freed on the bed. “Y-you can touch me.” Freed’s voice was hesitant. “If y-you want.”

Laxus exhaled shakily and let his hand drift from Freed’s stomach, down between their legs. Freed could feel him shaking and they reached down, guiding his fingers to where it felt best.

“There,” they whispered, moaning as Laxus’ thumb brushed over their clit. “Y-yeah… aah…” They grabbed the duvet cover, biting their lip as Laxus rolled his fingers clumsily, trying to find what felt good. It was so different than when Freed did it to themself – Laxus’ fingertips were hard and calloused, and Freed needed to shift a bit to get him back to the right place.

“Is that okay?” Laxus asked hesitantly, switching from his thumb to his fingers and pressing slightly harder. Freed tipped their head back and let out a soft moan, reaching up and grasping Laxus’ shoulder.

“Y-yes,” they whispered, arching their hips and sighing at the sensation. “Are you okay?” Laxus was looking down at them, wide-eyed, lips slightly parted.

“Holy shit, yes,” he said, reaching down with his other hand and rubbing himself through his boxers. “I w-wasn’t sure h-how I would feel, but you’re so fucking hot.” Freed blushed at the words, trying to cover their face with their arm, but Laxus shook his head, taking their hand and pinning it to the bed. “Can you, um… if I keep doing this… will you come?”

“P-probably,” Freed groaned, jolting a little as Laxus increased the pressure. “Mmm, not quite so hard… ahh, yeah… right there.” They could feel wetness pooling in their cunt, making Laxus’ fingers slide smoothly across their clit, and _gods_ , did it feel good. Laxus leaned down and kissed them, and Freed could feel his erection pressing up against their leg. “You can rub yourself a-against me.”

“W-with my boxers on?” Laxus’ voice was low and rough.

“O-or off, up t-to you,” Freed replied. They’d both gone to the clinic and been tested – Freed had insisted, even though neither of them had slept with anyone before.

“Fuck,” Laxus whispered, hurriedly tugging his boxers down with one hand. Freed caught a glimpse of his cock, nestled in a tuft of blonde curls, and then the head of it was rubbing against their clit and they cried out, biting their hand to muffle the sound. “Ahh… wow…” Laxus leaned forward, placing his other hand beside Freed’s head and kissing them as he rocked forward again. “D-does that feel good?”

“Yes,” Freed breathed, reaching down and brushing their hand over Laxus’ cock. Laxus swore, dropping to his elbow and pressing his face to their neck. Freed shifted their hips until they were stroking the head of Laxus’ cock, and the rest of him rubbed over their clit. “Y-you?”

“Holy shit,” Laxus groaned, thrusting harder, rocking his hips into Freed over and over again. “You’re s-so wet, fuck, that f-feels good.” Freed swiped their thumb up over his slit and Laxus made a sound that was almost a whimper. “F-fuck, I c-can’t...I’m g-gonna...” And then his eyes were squeezed shut and his head was thrown back and he was shuddering against Freed, spilling onto their stomach and whispering their name.

Freed’s heart was pounding, hand and stomach sticky, heat still pooled between their legs, Laxus’ hot breath panting against their shoulder. They reached up with their other hand and stroked his hair.

“F-fuck, I’m sorry, that... I’ve never...” Laxus’ cheeks were red from a combination of exertion and embarrassment.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Freed whispered, reaching over to their bedside table for a box of tissues. They cleaned their hand and stomach as best they could, throwing the used tissue on the ground. “It feels... I feel good, that you... like me. Enough to make you come.”

“But you didn’t...” Laxus trailed off, sliding onto the bed beside them. “I got an idea. C’mere.” He shifted until he was sitting against the headboard, then gestured for Freed to sit between his legs, facing away from him. He took their hand and guided it to their clit, placing his hand over top. “Show me what feels good,” he whispered in their ear.

“Oh.” Freed gasped at the sensation of both theirs and Laxus’ fingers on their clit, and they began to drag them in a slow, small circle, moaning softly. “Y-yeah, like th-that...” Laxus caught on quickly and eventually pushed Freed’s fingers out of the way. _Gods_ , it felt amazing, but they needed more. “Are you... is it... ahh, is it okay if I f-finger myself wh-while you do th-that?”

“Fuck, yes,” Laxus breathed, voice catching as Freed’s fingers trailed down and slipped inside themself. They pressed their head back into Laxus’ collarbone as they spread their legs, pushing as far inside themself as they could. Laxus continued to play with their clit, picking up the pace as Freed thrust their finger in and out. “That’s so hot,” Laxus murmured as Freed added a second finger, exploring slowly until-

“Ahhh!” They cried out, arching into Laxus and thrusting into themself again. It was building now, a release centered right where Laxus’ fingers stroked against them. Freed leaned back and turned their head, kissing Laxus hard and wrapping a hand into his hair. He moaned into their mouth, never stopping the circles he was making with his hand. “Ah, yeah... there... a-almost...” Freed felt their thighs tense up, arching slightly off the bed as their orgasm flowed through them in waves. They moaned into Laxus’ mouth, continuing to slide their fingers in and out until the sensation became unbearable and they pulled away from Laxus’ touch.

“Shit,” Laxus whispered, wiping his hand on the duvet and kissing Freed’s neck. “That was... intense.”

“Way better than when I do it myself,” Freed murmured, leaning heavily against Laxus. A sense of calm and serenity washed over them and they curled up into his chest.

“Thinking about you touching yourself is insanely hot,” Laxus commented, sliding down until he was lying on the pillow and Freed’s head was on his chest. “And _that’s_ gonna be a mental image that’ll keep me going for a while.” Freed snorted, feeling the heaviness of sleep sneaking up on them.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” they murmured, tucking their leg in between Laxus’ thighs and pulling the blanket up over them both. The window was open and a soft breeze blew through the room, dissipating some of the sticky heat. They sighed contentedly.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Laxus said softly, kissing their head. “But I promise I’ll be back.”

“You’d better,” Freed said sleepily, kissing the hollow of Laxus’ throat as they succumbed to sleep. “I’ll be waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuit refers to a group of Indigenous peoples whose traditional lands are in the Northwest Territories & Nunavut (in Canada). There are multiple languages and dialects spoken, but one of the most prominent in Nunavut is Inuinnaqtun. I liked the idea of Laxus living somewhere very remote with rich cultural traditions. 
> 
> Ivan is a d-bag and poor Laxus is so stuck in that abusive relationship. I promise that will get better!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pride Camp is here, and Natsu is having some self-confidence issues with his scars. Freed reminisces and meets someone new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY PRIDE! 
> 
> I feel like it's been forever since I updated! This is one of my favorite chapters because it's very heavily based on my own experiences at summer camp - a blend of creative writing camp that I attended as a teen, and a real LGBT+ camp that I interpreted at.

"Taylor Swift? Seriously?" Gray glanced over at Natsu from the driver's seat of the car and raised an eyebrow at  _Shake it Off_. Natsu grinned back at him, flipping through his phone's playlists. 

"Haters gonna hate," he said, turning up the volume and bopping his head along to the song. Freed rolled their eyes from the back seat – they knew that while Gray might put on a show of disliking Natsu's teenage-pop playlists, he actually found it endearing and likely knew all the words. 

"You're a dork," Gray sighed, leaning over and kissing his husband, then tapping the GPS and glancing in the rearview mirror. "Everyone good to go?" 

Ryos and Freed nodded sleepily from the backseat, both with coffees in hand and bleary eyes. It was early – not even six yet – but they needed to get out to camp and make sure everything was ready for when the teens showed up this afternoon. 

Natsu gulped down his coffee and sang along to the music as they pulled out of the Pride Centre's parking lot. Freed envied his ability to be a morning person – or sometimes just to be cheerful in general. Ever since the outburst with their parents three months ago, Freed had felt like they had been irritable and on edge. Planning the camp had turned into a challenge, and it had been Natsu who had encouraged Freed through it. Since he was off work due to his injuries, he had spent most of his spare time at the Pride Center with Freed, helping getting everything ready. 

As soon as they hit the highway Freed felt themself starting to doze off, with Ryos already snoring and leaning heavily against their shoulder. They drifted in and out of strange dreams – in one, their father was teaching Laxus to play the accordion, and in another, Freed was wandering an empty beach, accompanied only by a dog that looked like Lily but wasn't her. 

They woke eventually to hushed voices coming from the front seat. Freed opened one eye to see Gray reach across the console and grab Natsu's hand. His hand, and entire left arm, were now marred with twisting pink-and-white scars that made the skin rough and uneven. A large patch on his forearm was deep and darker than the rest – the doctors had told Freed that the skin there had been burned nearly to the bone. 

"They're good kids," Gray was saying as he squeezed Natsu's hand. Natsu looked uncertain, knees pulled up to his chest, hoodie zipper between his teeth. "They know better than to bug you about it." 

"That's not..." Natsu sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm getting used to it, y'know? It's almost worse when they don't ask." Gray hummed sympathetically. "Like, there was this girl at the taco place the other day, and I was wearing a tank top, and she just wouldn't stop  _staring_. If she'd asked I woulda told her what happened, but she just...wouldn't look me in the eyes." 

"Would it be easier if Freed made an announcement?" Gray asked, glancing over at Natsu. "I'm sure most of the kids saw the news story." Magnolia had celebrated Natsu as a hero for weeks after his release from the hospital, to the point where he'd started getting uncomfortable at any mention of the incident. 

"Maybe? Ugh, I dunno." Natsu sighed, bringing Gray's hand to his lips and kissing it. "I think it's just...it's worse...on my face." He rubbed his upper lip self-consciously. The blackened skin there had peeled away, leaving pinkish marks around the left side of his lips and nose, trailing down his cheek and neck to join the scarring on his shoulder. "I dunno why it's bothering me again, suddenly." 

When Natsu had first left the hospital, he'd been self-conscious to the point of not leaving the apartment for two weeks. Sting had been the one to eventually convince Natsu to go out for coffee with him. Over the past three months he'd eventually found his way back to his former boisterous, confident, outgoing self, but now it seemed the fears were reappearing. 

"Is it because most of them know you from last year?" Gray asked. He let go of Natsu's hand for a moment to grab his coffee and take a sip, then entwined their fingers again. "So they'll notice a difference?" 

"I dunno," Natsu said sadly. He sniffed, rubbing at his eyes. Freed was about to sit up and add to the conversation when Gray reached up to the music controls and turned up the volume a bit. A somewhat familiar pop song was playing, and Gray started to sing along softly. 

_"Baby, you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed."_ Natsu's cheeks and ears turned pink and he glanced sideways at his husband, who was giving him a silly grin.  _"But when you smile at the ground it_ _ain't_ _hard to tell, you don't know – you don't know you're beautiful."_

"I can't believe you know the words to this," Natsu muttered. "You hate One Direction." His lips were slowly curling up in a smile. Freed didn't move, knowing that Gray was self-conscious about singing and would likely stop if he knew Freed was listening. 

"Mmm, but I love _you_ _,"_  Gray replied, then continued singing.  _"_ _If only you saw what I can see you'd understand why I want you so desperately."_ Gray slid his hand up Natsu's arm and carded his fingers through his husband's hair.  _"Right_ _now_ _I'm_ _lookin_ _' at you and I can't believe you don't know – you don't know you're beautiful."_

"'m not beautiful," Natsu argued, ducking his head down and staring at the floor. "It's...hard to look in the mirror sometimes." 

"I know, sweetheart," Gray said, still humming along to the music and playing with Natsu's hair. "But you  _are_ beautiful, and brave, and a million other things, and I'm just gonna keep telling you that until you believe me." 

Natsu sighed and leaned into Gray's touch. Freed smiled softly – they were glad they'd kept quiet. They always felt hopeful when they watched the tender way that Natsu and Gray interacted. Ryos shifted, snuggling into Freed's chest and they grunted, pushing him up a little so they could move. Natsu glanced back and gave them a half-smile. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop," Freed said, wincing at being caught awake. Natsu shook his head, smiling softly, while the tips of Gray's ears turned red. "Is there anything I can do to make it easier?" 

"I'm not sure yet," Natsu admitted, picking up his frappucino and playing with the straw. "It's just been buggin' me the past few days. I'm sure it'll be fine. Gray's right, they're good kids." Freed nodded, leaning back in the seat and rubbing their eyes. 

"Let me know if you change your mind." Natsu smiled at Freed, then leaned his head against his window. Freed glanced outside – they were almost at the end of a gravel road that curved around Tortoise Lake. Sunlight reflected off the water that was visible through the treeline, and as Gray turned to follow the road alongside the lake, Freed felt a sense of  _home_ settle into their body. 

"Wake up," they murmured, shaking Ryos gently. He yawned and stretched, grumbling until they saw where they were. Immediately he sat up, turning to Freed with a giant grin on his face. "We're here."

 

* * *

 

"Alright everyone, come circle up please!" Freed shouted into a megaphone, drawing the attention of the fifty or so young people sprawled across the lawn in front of the main cabin. Backpacks and sleeping bags were strewn everywhere, and half the teens were already wearing their bright blue camp t-shirts. "I think it's time to officially open Camp Pride!" 

The kids burst out in cheers, high fives and hugs, and Freed felt a smile tugging at their lips. They remembered being one of those kids – coming back every summer, seeing old friends, finally feeling  _at home_  with other people their age. 

"Alright everyone, I'm Gray and I'm gonna be going over housekeeping," Gray said, standing on a picnic table to get the kids attention. "I know it's boring but listen up." They all immediately went quiet and paid rapt attention to the dark-haired man. Freed had a theory that more than one of the campers had a crush on him. "All the bathrooms are gender neutral, no making out in them." A few teens giggled. "All meds are to be given to Bix, he'll make sure you get them. That includes painkillers, birth control  _and_ hormones. Pronoun badges are in the lodge,  _please_ wear them all the time, along with your name badge. Feel free to take more, make new ones, change your mind, just wear them." 

Natsu joined Gray, leaning on the picnic table instead of standing on it. He was still wearing his hoodie with the sleeves rolled down even in the heat, but it was unzipped enough that the scar on his neck was visible. Freed had heard a few kids gossiping about the fire and had already gently reminded them that they needed to be respectful.  

"I'm Natsu." A few kids cheered – Natsu's rambunctious personality was well-loved by the teens from last year. He winked at them. "You can pick your own cabins, no making out in them either," he said, grinning. "Special meals are on the left side of the kitchen, don't eat the vegan stuff if you're not vegan, and don't pet the guide dog." Bix waved at the kids from a far bench, Baby sitting at his feet. "And what do we do if someone has a seizure?" Most of the kids were there from last year and yelled out generally appropriate answers. 

"I'm Ryos, and I have good news for you!" Ryos had his hair pulled up in a bun and was wearing a dark tank top and jean shorts, his dark skin soaking up the hot summer sun. "The pool is going to be open every afternoon after the workshops this year." The kids cheered - a rather violent version of water polo affectionately named "Death Polo" was a popular tradition with the campers. "Wear whatever you feel comfortable in, and that includes going topless if you want. I expect you to be responsible and respectful, is that understood?" The kids nodded solemnly. Freed was always impressed by the respect Ryos was able to summon from the kids, even though he was only two years older than some of them. 

"Natsu and I are the overnight staff," Freed said, stepping forward again and hugging the clipboard to their chest. "If you need help, we'll be in the Tanglewood cabin, and we're available anytime by radio." They gestured to the walkie-talkie clipped to their belt. "We also have an unbinding tent this year, just up the hill. It'll be me or Ryos guarding it, and you can take some time to unbind and hang out, especially because it's going to be very hot this weekend." They adjusted their sunglasses, smiling at the excited grins on the teen's faces. "Any questions?" 

"Yeah!" One kid shouted, putting up their hand. "When's lunch?" 

 

* * *

 

Freed sat on the grass at the top of the hill outside the binding tent, flipping mindlessly through some paperwork. The sun fell in dappled patterns through the trees, casting a warm light on the back of their head. They had pulled their hair up in a large, messy bun, but pieces were escaping and tickling their neck. Freed rarely wore tank tops, but the weather today was unbearably hot and so they'd pulled out a rainbow tie-dyed one that they'd made at camp last year.

The sound of the lake through the trees washed over them and they closed their eyes, memories from their first year of camp flowing through them. 

_"This is Freed," Blair said gently, settling Freed down at a picnic table with two other kids their age – a dark-skinned girl with a name tag reading "Yael - she/her", and someone with hair longer than theirs whose nametag read "Kylar - xe/xem". Blair smiled, leaving a hand on Freed's shoulder. They could feel anxiety bubbling up in their throat at the thought of her leaving – she was the only one they knew here._

_"Yo, Freed." Yael reached out a hand to shake and admired Freed's nailpolish. "First time here?" Her voice was deep and rich and friendly, and Freed felt themself relaxing a bit. They nodded. "It's awesome, you're gonna love it."_

_Kylar held out to Freed hesitantly but didn't say anything._

_"Xe doesn’t talk," Yael said, then pointed at the sketchbook that Freed hadn't noticed in Kylar's lap. "Check out xis art though – xe's got mad talent."_

_"I'm gonna leave you three to chat while I find the rest of your pod, alright?" Blair stood up, giving Freed a tiny salute before wandering away. She had explained that the campers were divided into groups corresponding to the colors of the rainbow, and Freed had been delighted to be assigned to Green Pod._

_"Are you from nearby?" Freed asked Yael hesitantly, glancing down at Kylar's art and smiling in appreciation. Xe really was talented – xe'd done a messy sketch of the front lawn of camp, with all the luggage and campers sprawled out under the sun._

_"Nope, I'm from a tiny-ass town on the island you probably never heard of. I got here yesterday; we had'ta take the ferry across." Freed made a sound of appreciation – riding the ferry was one of their favorite things. Bix and Ever had taken them to the island a few times, and each time they'd spent most of the trip standing on the deck, face in the ocean spray, looking out over the waves. "I'm the only 'out' queer kid in my town so this is my favorite part of the year."_

_"Oh, wow," Freed said softly. The thought of that kind of loneliness left an ache in their heart. "I'm sorry."_

_"It is what it is," Yael shrugged. "Y'know, I'm the angry feminist lesbian killjoy of the family." She grinned and Freed felt themself returning the smile. "Tough job, but someone's gotta do it. What about your family? They cool?"_

_Freed swallowed, feeling discomfort crawl through down their arms. Kylar glanced up at them curiously, then scribbled something in xis notebook –_ **_ASSHOLES?_ ** _Freed snorted, feeling the tension immediately dissipate. Of course they weren't the only one here with horrible parents._

_"Something like that," they said, leaning forward on their elbows. "So, is the food good here?"_

The rustling of footsteps brought Freed out of their reverie and they looked up, spotting someone coming up the hill. It was a younger camper with dark skin and close-cropped black hair, wearing calf-length pink tights and a baggy t-shirt.

"Hey...Aspen," Freed said, peeking at the camper's name badge. Next to it was a button that was decorated with purple stars and read 'they/them'. They looked uncertain and picked nervously at the hem of their shirt. "You need a break?" Freed gestured at the tent, but Aspen shook their head. 

_Can you…sign?_ Their movements were hesitant and Freed’s eyes widened in realization. They’d known that one of the campers was Deaf but hadn’t had a chance to meet Aspen yet – Natsu and Ryos had been running the registration table this morning. 

_Yes!_ Freed sat up, smiling.  _I haven't signed in a while, sorry if I'm rusty. It’s nice to meet you._

_You, too,_ Aspen signed, breaking out in a grin.  _I have a question._ Freed patted the grass and Aspen sat down hesitantly. There was silence for a few moments, only broken by the sound of the waves of the lake behind them, but Freed didn't push it.   _I haven't...worn a binder... before?_  Apparently there was no sign for ‘binder’ – Aspen just made a gesture for compressing their chest.  

_Do you want to?_  Freed asked. They stretched their legs out in front of them, enjoying the gentle breeze that was whispering through the trees. Aspen gave a shy nod.  _We have some..._ Freed frowned, uncertain for the sign for 'second-hand'.  _Other people used? But clean? Down at the clothing swap._

_Really?_ Aspen brightened a bit, then frowned.  _But...I'm not..._  They sighed.  _I'm not –_ they used an unfamiliar sign and Freed gestured for them to repeat it.  _T-R-A-N-S,_ they spelled, then showed the sign again.

_Sorry,_ Freed signed quickly, feeling a slight flush of embarrassment. Aspen shook their head, grinning.  _I don't know many signs for...Q-U-E-E-R community._ They raised their eyebrows at the spelling, questioning if Aspen had a real sign for the word 'queer'. 

_Q-U-E-E-R,_ Aspen confirmed.  _Sometimes we sign 'rainbow community'. There's lots of debate about new signs. Like N-O-N B-I-N-A-R-Y. I sign N-B._

_That's interesting,_ Freed replied, feeling the flow of the language slowly coming back to their hands. It had been a few years since they'd actually used ASL on a regular basis.  _I love language. I did my..._ they didn't know the sign for 'masters'.  _I went to school for languages. I need to practice ASL more!_

_You're good!_ Aspen replied, tilting their head to the side and smiling.  _It's nice to talk without the interpreter. Sometimes it's...private. And I don't think she gets it._

_Gets what?_ Aspen hesitated, tapping their fingers against their leg while they thought. 

_I feel like I'm faking this or something,_ they signed eventually.  _Like I'm not trans, so it's not real._  Freed felt a surge of empathy, remembering that feeling all too well. 

_I’m not trans either_ , they said gently, stumbling a bit over the unfamiliar sign and accepting Aspen’s gentle correction.  _I’ve been using a binder since I was sixteen. It’s not an exclusive club, I promise._  Aspen looked up at Freed uncertainly. 

_But sometimes I don’t want to…I mean, like some days…_  they trailed off, picking at clumps of grass and tossing them up into the air.  _Sometimes I feel like I’m just making it up. My mom says I’m doing it for attention._  Freed bristled a bit at that.  _I convinced her to let me come here, but…_

_Parents are tough,_ Freed replied carefully, thinking of their own mother. It stung and they tried not to let it show.  _But no matter what you feel about your body or your identity, it's..._ they couldn't come up with a sign for 'valid'.  _Real. It's real._ Aspen peeked up at Freed and gave them a small smile. 

_Thanks,_ they said shyly. They wiggled their rainbow-painted toenails and gazed past Freed at the lake. The two of them sat for a moment, taking in the calming presence of the forest around them, then Freed tapped Aspen's shoulder. 

_Would you like to go try on a binder?_ They asked, smiling when Aspen's face lit up. Aspen nodded and Freed felt for the radio on their belt. 

"Ryos, you there?" They tried to sign at the same time, but it was clumsy with only one hand. 

"Just getting the pool ready, what's up?" Through the static, Freed could hear Natsu shouting something. 

"Do you mind coming up to watch the binding tent? I need to head down to the lodge." 

"I'll be right there." 

 

* * *

 

Aspen grunted in frustration and Freed tried to hide their smile from the outside of the makeshift changing room. They had written down instructions on a whiteboard and sent them in with Aspen, but they were almost certain that the young camper was struggling to get the back of the binder down. Freed recalled the first time they had tried one on – there had been a moment where they'd been convinced that they were stuck forever with their arms over their head. 

As they waited for Aspen they yawned and leaned back against the wall of the "store". They'd gathered clothing donations throughout the year and arranged them in the small area, free for any of the campers to take. It was incredible to see some of the teens transform as they realized that here, their clothing options weren't limited to Hot Topic (Although Freed was fairly certain that Natsu still shopped at Hot Topic occasionally). 

_Okay?_ Aspen pulled the curtain back and looked at Freed hesitantly, but they could see the smile tugging at corner of the teen's mouth. 

_Looks great! Can you breathe?_ Freed gestured for Aspen to take a deep breath and then exhale.  _It shouldn't hurt to breathe._

_Feels...weird,_ they signed.  _But fine. Doesn't hurt._ Freed had given them a larger men's shirt to wear over the binder and they adjusted it self-consciously.  _I feel...good._

_That's what's important,_ Freed signed, smiling gently and then letting out a soft  _oof_ of surprise when Aspen hugged them tightly. 

_Thank you,_ they signed, wiping their face and pulling back.  _This...is my favorite place. I wish I could live here forever._

Freed sighed, letting Aspen hug them again and trying to keep their own tears from slipping down their cheeks. 

_I know,_ they thought.  _I wish this could be home forever too._

 

* * *

 

"More coffee?" Gray appeared at Freed's elbow, handing them a cup of something that smelled faintly of vanilla. Freed sighed gratefully and accepted, nudging Gray with their shoulder. 

"How's it going?" Gray leaned forward on his elbows, glancing over the porch railing at the group of teens sitting around the picnic tables. Jenny, a social worker at a sex-positive health clinic Freed had found, was giving a presentation to the group on safer sex. Freed had always found it horrifying how little information was given to teens about sex – even straight teens were left out of the loop. 

"Exhausted, and it's only day one," Freed replied, smiling and sipping at their coffee. "You?" 

"Mm, I'm on lifeguard duty in..." Gray glanced at his watch. "Fifteen minutes. I have a feeling they'll want to play Death Polo." Freed snorted. They weren't sure who had come up with the tradition, but it had been going on since their days at Pride camp. It was basically a no-holds-barred version of water polo that ended up with nobody getting any points and most of the kids nearly drowning at least once. 

"Isn't Natsu lifeguarding with you?" Freed saw a concerned expression flicker across Gray's face. "Is he doing okay?" 

"Yeah," Gray replied immediately, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "He's his usual ridiculous self and the kids just eat it up, it's amazing. I'm just worried about swimming. And his scars." 

Freed sighed, setting down their coffee and undoing their ponytail, then running their fingers through their thick hair. They began to braid it absently as they spoke. 

"He's been doing a lot better," they said gently. "It's only been three months, though." 

"I know," Gray sighed, running his hand over his face. "It just feels like...he was always so confident, before. Cocky, kind of an asshole about it but in an endearing way." Freed laughed. "it was so hard to see him...broken." 

"I know," Freed said softly, tying off their braid and reaching over to rest a hand on Gray's shoulder. It hadn't been easy on anyone, but Gray had taken it hardest. "Camp seems to be triggering some of those feelings for him." 

"Yeah," Gray said, leaning into Freed. "He tried to explain it to me. It's like he feels like...he can't be a good role model for the kids because he doesn’t like how he looks sometimes. Or he feels like they'll just feel sorry for him." Freed made a sad sound. "I know – and he knows – that doesn’t make any sense." 

"Feelings don't have to make sense," Freed murmured, turning as the group of teens burst into laughter at the presentation. "I wish I could help." 

"I get so mad when...when we're out, and people give him this  _look,_ and it's not curiosity, it's  _pity._ Or worse, they look at  _me_ like that because it's, what, I'm with the poor disfigured guy out the kindness of my heart? Fuck them." Gray dropped his head, letting the anger out in a sharp exhale. 

Freed didn't say anything, just continued to rub soft circles on Gray's shoulder, hoping it was comforting. The group roared with laughter again and Freed could see that they were wrapping up. They nudged Gray as they saw Natsu making his way toward the group across the lawn. 

"Alright, kids, it's Death Polo Time!" Natsu's proclamation was met by cheers from the teens, who began running toward him. He glanced up at Gray and Freed, waving and grinning. "Go get changed and then we can figure out who gets to be on Team Natsu, which is totally gonna kick Team Gray's butt." 

"Cocky little shit," Gray grumbled fondly. "He forgets that I  _taught_ him how to swim." Freed laughed.

"Shall we head over to the pool?" 

 

* * *

 

Natsu was already there when they arrived, dressed in a pair of swim trunks and a light cotton t-shirt and leaning against the lifeguard's chair. 

"Ready to get your ass kicked, Snowflake?" He asked, grinning, but Freed could see some hesitation in his eyes. Gray must have noticed it too because he stepped forward, grabbing his husband's hand. 

"You sure you're okay?" He asked, glancing over at the change rooms where the campers were beginning to file out. Natsu swallowed, nodding slowly. 

"You comin' in?" He asked, glancing over at Freed. "I feel like your hair would be a hazard." Freed snorted. 

"I...don't swim," they said regretfully. "I mean, I  _can_ , but I don't like to. Plus, I think I'm needed for dinner prep in a bit." Loud splashes signaled that the campers beginning to enter the pool, and they immediately began to dunk each other under the water. "I'll hang out and referee for a bit, though." Natsu gave them a thumbs-up. 

"Alright everyone," he called, waving at the campers. "C'mere for a sec." He sat down on the edge of the pool, legs dangling in the water. The kids must have noticed his somewhat somber attitude because they calmed down and made a semicircle around him. 

Gray reached down and touched his shoulder and he grasped his husband's hand. 

"Alright, so you- most if you know, or maybe saw on the news..." Natsu swallowed, struggling with the words. "I was in a pretty bad accident. A fire. And I, um, I got burned really badly, and it's mostly healed but the scars are kinda...a lot. And I wanted to just tell you, so you can...if you have questions." Freed leaned against the lifeguard tower, feeling a swell of pride at their friend's bravery. 

"Does it still hurt?" One teen asked hesitantly, and Natsu shook his head. 

"Nope. It gets stiff sometimes, but..." 

"I think it looks badass." Freed recognized the young man speaking – Ryley. This was his fourth year at camp, and he had a dark birthmark that extended partway across his face. Natsu gave him a wide grin. 

"You think?" A chorus of  _yeah, super badass_ rumbled through the group. "Alright, well...just, if you're curious, please ask me. Don't gossip. It feels crappy, and I'd rather you just be straight with me about it." 

"Isn't that a bit much to ask at gay camp?" One of the kids quipped and Freed rolled their eyes. Natsu burst out laughing – a deep, belly laugh that had Gray smiling. 

"Alright, be queer with me about it. Better?" 

A silence descended over the group and Gray glanced down at Natsu, who looked uncertain. Freed saw Gray's hand move to the hem of his shirt and they blinked. Gray never went shirtless. Even after five years he preferred to hide his own scars. 

"C'mon, darling," Gray said, voice shaky but teasing. Natsu looked up at him in surprise as Gray tugged his t-shirt over his head and dropped it on the pool deck. He glanced at the kids. "I, unlike Natsu, am not willing to talk about these." He gestured to the white spiderweb of scars on his shoulder and stomach. "Please respect that." Before anyone could say anything, he hopped down into the pool, yelping at the temperature change. 

Natsu stood slowly and glanced back at Freed, who gave him an encouraging smile. Then he grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugged it over his head, and cannonballed into the pool, almost exactly on top of his husband. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just kind of in love with the idea of Gray being a giant dork and knowing all the words to One Direction songs but then pretending he hates them. 
> 
> Pronoun badges are great and I feel like we should just use them irl. I have one from the Pride parade and it's on my bag, but I think most people wouldn't even get what it's for. 
> 
> Unbinding tent was totally a thing at the LGBT+ camp, and it was an amazing idea. I didn't bind at the time (I do now), but it was great for the long, hot summer days. 
> 
> I am an ASL interpreter so the ASL is legit, I promise! It's really transcribed as it would be interpreted into English because otherwise it's kind of unreadable. It's true about the debate in the Deaf community about LGBT+ signs - there are several signs for 'queer', for example, but some of them are seen as slurs, or can only be used by Deaf queer folk. Even the word 'gender' doesn't have a sign, so we're working on that. I interpreted at a panel a few months ago about language and queerness, and how your language use impacts how you talk about your sexual/gender identity. It was really interesting (they had French, Spanish, Arabic and ASL) and I feel really lucky that English has so many words to talk about this stuff. We'll get there eventually with ASL but it'll take time, for sure. 
> 
> Honestly even now I still have a moment of panic when I put on my binder and get stuck. 
> 
> Sex ed (especially for queer teens) is something I'm passionate about - probably obvious. We have a great organization here called Options for Sexual Health that does great presentations about safer sex. At camp last year they also had a sex toy store called 'The Tickle Trunk' come and explain how to use various vibrators, cock rings, anal toys, etc safely for the teens, which was AMAZING. They were super mature about it too, which was impressive. 
> 
> Anyway, there's some fluff to end on. Hope you all are having lovely days, and HAPPY PRIDE!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five year ago: Freed meets Ivan for the first time and things don't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for physical/verbal abuse, assault, injuries, and homophobic language
> 
> This chapter was really hard to write. It's concurrent with chapter one of 'crash & burn', but you don't have to read that to get the context (although you should if you haven't ;P).

**Five Years Ago**

Freed yawned, dropping their head down on their textbook and wishing that they could just absorb the information rather than reading it. They glanced up at the corkboard on their wall, smiling at the picture that greeted them. Ever had taken in the first summer that Laxus had come back - it was the two of them at the beach, Laxus’ arms wrapped around Freed’s waist, Freed gazing at Laxus adoringly.

The first year apart had been the hardest. They’d texted and e-mailed and Skyped nearly every day, but Freed had spent many evenings curled up their bed (or on the couch between Bix and Ever), crying and missing Laxus harder than they thought they would. Laxus had done his best to keep the scary parts of his life from Freed, but Freed could always tell when Laxus was exhausted or afraid.

The years had flown past. Freed spent their time between university and working at the bookstore, and growing from a participant to a volunteer at the Pride Center. Every summer was spent with one week at camp, and the other seven weeks enjoying the limited time they had with Laxus.

Laxus’ most recent departure had been a difficult one. They weren’t teenagers anymore – Freed was twenty and Laxus had just turned twenty-one in August – and they had spent most of the summer in serious discussions about their future. Freed struggled with the secrecy of their relationship. On the one hand they didn’t want Ivan to know, but it was still unfair. Uncertain.

“Freed!” Bix’s voice came up the stairwell and Freed heard the patter of feet running up the stairs. A golden retriever barreled into their room and placed her head on Freed’s lap, tail wagging frantically.

“Hey, Baby,” Freed said softly. It was still bittersweet to see her instead of Lily, even though Bix had brought Baby home several months ago. Lily had passed away a year or so ago from an unexpected tumor, and Freed still felt the ache of missing her keenly. Bix had been devastated, but Baby was a welcome addition to their family. 

“What’s up?” they shouted back, rubbing their face. There was no response. Freed sighed, standing from their chair and making their way down the stairs. They could see a light dusting of snow falling through the window – unseasonable for November. Christmas was coming up soon, which was always an emotional time for Freed.

“What’s up, Bi-” Freed blinked. Laxus stood in the front entrance of the house, hair wet from the snow, cheeks pink, grin on his face. “Holy shit.” Freed skipped down the last few steps, dashing down the hallway and throwing themself at Laxus. “Holy shit, what are you doing here?!”

“I missed you, too,” Laxus replied, pressing a kiss to Freed’s hair. “I have a surprise for you.” Freed leaned back and looked at him curiously. “I’m, um... I’m back.” Laxus swallowed. “For good.”

Freed felt like they couldn’t breathe. Were they dreaming? Laxus... back for good? No more leaving with Ivan, no more late nights texting and crying and missing each other?

“You mean you’re staying? Here? In Magnolia?” Laxus smiled, hugging them tighter.

“Yeah.” He kicked his shoes off and grabbed Freed’s hand, heading into the living room and flopping down on the couch. Freed immediately curled up between his legs, resting their head on his chest.

“I missed you so much,” they whispered, running their hand up and down his side. Laxus sighed into the touch, pulling their hair out of its ponytail and carding his fingers through it. “You’re really staying? How’d you convince your dad?”

“Gramps did,” Laxus replied, the words rumbling through his chest. “I got most of my school stuff done on the road, but Gramps found this program so I can finally get my diploma. I start in a couple of weeks at the youth center here.”

“Wow,” Freed said, still amazed that Ivan had agreed to it.

“Dad wasn’t gonna come back at first,” Laxus continued. “He was pissed. But...” Laxus sounded embarrassed. “I told him I was gonna leave. Hitchhike and take a bus or something, like you did.” Freed wrapped their arms around Laxus and squeezed him, resulting in a soft _oof_. “He didn’t like that.” Laxus sighed. “He still wants me to be like him, but I convinced him that having my diploma was a good idea.”

“Are... you still going to live with him?” Freed asked cautiously. They had offered numerous times for Laxus to move in with them, and they knew that Laxus’ grandfather had extended the same invitation. Laxus had always declined.

“For now,” Laxus said quietly. “H-he needs me.” The words sounded weak, and Freed knew that Laxus didn’t entirely believe them anymore. “B-but I’ve been thinkin’ about gramps. He said we could both stay there if Dad stops drinkin’. Dad doesn’t want to, but...” His fingers stopped moving in Freed’s hair and they nudged him. “Honestly just having a normal bathroom would be great.”

“So, what’s this program about?” Freed asked, changing the topic of conversation. They knew when they could push the subject of Ivan, and when to back off.

“It’s kinda silly,” Laxus mumbled, burying his face in Freed’s hair. “‘m only doing it ‘cause Gramps went outta his way. And I wanna graduate.” Freed stayed quiet. “It’s called ‘Creative Expressions’,” Laxus said eventually, and Freed could _feel_ him blushing. “Like, painting and shit. And talking about feelings.”

“It’ll be good for you,” Freed murmured, turning so that they were lying over Laxus’ chest. They leaned up and kissed him gently, running a hand down his jaw. Laxus made a soft sound into their mouth, wrapping his arms around them and running his hands down the back of their thighs.

“Y’know what else is good for me?” He asked, voice teasing.

“Get a room!” Ever’s voice came from the kitchen. “You’re gonna make me blind and Bix blinder.”

“Okay, _mom_ ,” Freed laughed, pushing themself up and off of Laxus. They grabbed his hand, grinning at him and lowering their voice. “Why don’t we go upstairs and I’ll show you how much I missed you?”

 

* * *

 

“How was the group?”

Freed sat down at the kitchen table in the motorhome, watching Laxus rifle through his dresser. They had never been in here, but Ivan was out of town for the week and an accident at the coffee shop had necessitated a new shirt for Laxus. It was surprisingly spacious – Ivan’s ‘room’ was above the driver’s area, complete with a queen-sized bed and wardrobe. They had to share a shower and small bathroom, but Laxus had his own room at the other end of the motorhome with a loft bed and a closed door for privacy. 

“Fine,” Laxus said begrudgingly. He’d spent the last two weeks complaining about it, and had been incredibly nervous this morning. “Coupl’a guys my age, some younger kids.”

Laxus paused, tugging off his shirt. Freed took the opportunity to admire the muscle that had built up in his shoulders over the years, making him nearly as tall and as broad as Bix. They were disappointed when Laxus pulled on a clean sweater.

“They just wanna... talk about stuff.” Laxus looked uncomfortable.

“Mmm.” Freed stood from the table and moved over to Laxus, resting a hand on his arm. “I know that’s hard for you. You okay?”

“The lady running it... we had to say what we needed.” Laxus grasped Freed’s hand tightly and his voice was low. “I said I needed to get outta here. Move in with gramps.”

Freed’s eyes widened. They’d been telling Laxus that since they met; since they found out that Ivan abused Laxus in more ways than one. Even four years later it was a big admission.

“I’m so proud of you,” Freed murmured, stepping closer to Laxus and wrapping their arms around his waist. Laxus sighed, burying his face in their hair.

“I know.”

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Freed asked, leaning back to see a small smile crawling across Laxus’ face. They pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and he sighed into it.

As Freed went to slide their hands up under the back of Laxus’ shirt, there was a rattling sound at the door. All the color drained from Laxus’ face and Freed felt their heart stop.

 _“Shit,”_ Laxus whispered, pushing Freed behind him protectively. “Shit, he wasn’t supposed to be back until Friday. Fuck, you have to hide, just... in the closet if you can fit.” His voice was low and panicked and Freed nodded, backing into Laxus’ room, but it was too late.

“Laxus.” Between Laxus and the doorframe, Freed could see a thin sliver of the man he’d come to hate over the years. Dark, close-cropped hair blended into a neatly-trimmed beard and mustache, and the man’s thick eyebrows were furrowed in irritation. He wore a neat, dark blue suit but had pulled the tie out and was holding it in one hand. His eyes were glassy and he looked unsteady on his feet – Freed assumed he’d been drinking.

“D-dad,” Laxus said softly. “I f-finished classes, I was gonna go... to...”

“Who. Is. That.” Ivan’s face slid into a mask of anger as he caught a glimpse of Freed. They swallowed, heart rabbiting in their chest, as they stepped forward slowly. They could feel fear and tension radiating from Laxus – Freed knew that Laxus wanted to protect them but didn’t want to touch Freed in front of his father.

“Good afternoon, Mister Dreyar,” Freed said with false friendliness. “I’m Freed, one of Laxus’ friends. It’s nice to meet you.” They stuck out a trembling hand but Ivan ignored it.

“What have I said about bringing other people here, Laxus?” Ivan spit. He turned back to his son with anger in his eyes. It was like a storm in the tiny room – sparks of anger and fear crackling between Laxus and Ivan. “I believe the exact word I used was ‘don’t’.”

“I’m sorry,” Laxus said, dropping his gaze to the ground. It broke Freed’s heart. His boyfriend was brave and strong and protected people, and he didn’t deserve this. Freed could see redness flushing across Laxus’ cheeks and up the tip of his ears, and his fingernails were digging into the palm of his hands. “S-someone spilled coffee on me. I needed a clean shirt, I had to come home to change.”

“So you brought your friend to watch?” Ivan sneered, taking a step towards Laxus. In the small space he seemed to tower over both of them, larger than life. “Another _faggot_ like you?”

Freed flinched at the slur – it had been a long time since someone had said something like that to them. They could take it, though. For Laxus.

“Don’t call Freed names,” Laxus said quietly. Freed blinked, glancing over at Laxus. He still looked petrified, but his jaw was set in determination.

“Excuse me?” Ivan snarled, stepping even closer.

“I said, don’t call Freed names.” Laxus dared to peek up at his father, his face flickering between terror and anger. “They’ve never done anything to you. Let them leave and you and I can talk.”

The way that Laxus pleaded to _let them leave_ left chills running up and down Freed’s arms. Their hand twitched towards their phone in their back pocket. Should they call the police? They’d heard some stomach-wrenching stories from Laxus, and the idea of being caught in the middle-

“You watch your mouth, brat,” Ivan hissed, storming forward and backhanding Laxus before Freed could even blink. Laxus took the hit with barely a wince, stepping backward into the doorframe. “You don’t get to tell me how-”

“Leave him alone!” Freed’s body was working faster than their brain and before they could process what was happening, they were in between Laxus and Ivan, pushing Ivan backwards as hard as they could. Ivan stumbled in surprise.

“Freed, no,” Laxus gasped, grabbing their shoulder, but then Freed looked up and a fist slammed into their cheekbone, smashing their head back into the wall as they staggered sideways. This close Ivan reeked of alcohol. Freed shook their head, quickly grabbing their phone in their pocket and pressing the side button rapidly, then swiping the screen to call the police.

“Don’t you _ever_ tell me what to do,” Ivan growled, yanking Freed’s wrist. Freed tried to scramble further backward, but Ivan’s grip was bruisingly tight and their phone dropped to the ground, screen shattering. Ivan twisted Freed’s arm and shoved them sideways, and bright lights of pain sparked behind their eyes as their temple slammed into the edge of a shelf.

“STOP!” Laxus roared and Freed barely saw him move, but then Ivan was off of them and instead lying on his back on the floor, a shocked expression on his face. Laxus placed himself squarely between Freed and his father, snarling down at Ivan. “Don’t you _ever_ touch my partner _ever_ again, you _piece of shit.”_

“Your... partner?” Ivan snarled, staggering to his feet. His face was twisted in fury. “You lying little asshole,” he murmured, gazing curiously at Freed, who felt like they might pass out. “Of course that’s why you wanted to come back to this awful town. You just wanted to fuck your stupid-”

His tirade was interrupted by Laxus lifting him up by the front of his shirt and slamming him against a wall. Ivan looked genuinely startled by his son’s strength.

“Shut your mouth,” Laxus growled. “Shut your goddamn mouth. I’m so _sick_ of you and... and your...” He was crying; heavy tears that dripped down his cheeks and onto the floor. “I’ve given up so MUCH for you!”

“Laxus,” Freed said softly, sliding down the wall. Something warm dripped down the side of their head – blood, they registered faintly. Everything felt wobbly and their wrist hurt.

“Freed, oh my gods,” Laxus whispered, dropping Ivan to the floor and rushing over to Freed. “Shit, fuck, this is all my fault.” He grabbed his coffee-stained shirt from the floor and pressed it gently against Freed’s temple. Freed winced.

Sirens were audible in the background, now, but Ivan hadn’t registered them yet. Freed gave Laxus an apologetic look.

“’m sorry,” they murmured, gesturing to the pieces of their phone. “...was scared.”

“I know, baby,” Laxus murmured, pulling Freed tighter to him. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” Freed wasn’t sure it he was reassuring them or himself.

“You... dare...” Ivan sputtered, scrambling to his feet again. Laxus looked up at him, eyes dark. “We are leaving this town and never coming ba-”

“You can leave,” Laxus growled, cradling Freed in his arms. The sirens were louder now and Ivan’s eyes widened as he glanced toward the window. Freed could dimly see blue and red lights flashing along the wall. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m done with you.”

“You- you can’t...” Ivan began backing towards the front of the motorhome, where the driver’s seat was. A sharp rap on the door made him stop short and he turned to snarl at Laxus. “You keep your mouth shut, boy, and let me do the talking.”

“Magnolia Police, open up.” A sharp, feminine voice caused Ivan to swallow heavily.

“No, that’s not- we’re fi-”

“HELP!” Laxus shouted. Freed felt Laxus’ voice vibrate through them. The back of their head was starting to throb from where it had hit the wall, and a stinging pain bloomed across their cheek. 

“Sir, open the door.” The woman’s voice came again and Ivan’s eyes widened in panic, tapping his pockets as if looking for something.

“Everything’s fi-”

“Help, please,” Laxus said, voice exhausted. “My p-partner’s bleeding. Please.” Ivan looked murderous and began to stride over, fist raised, when the door flew open with a bang. A female officer stepped inside, gun drawn, and pointed it at Ivan.

“On your knees, hands on your head,” she commanded, glancing behind her at Freed and Laxus. “Keith, get these two out of here.” Ivan dropped to his knees slowly, hands held up in surrender, lip curled in a sneer.

An older officer with grey hair and kind eyes stepped into the motorhome, then crouched down next to Freed and Laxus. Freed could feel Laxus’ heartbeat pounding through his sweater. He was shaking, fingers trembling where he held the shirt – which was rapidly soaking up with blood – against Freed’s head.

“Can you walk, son?” Freed blinked a few times when they realized the question was directed at them. They nodded slowly, wincing at the pain in the back of their head, and stood slowly with Laxus’ arm wrapped firmly around their waist.

“You’re going to regret this, Laxus!” Ivan shouted as they made their way down the stairs. Freed felt themself flinch at his voice and Laxus’ arm tightened around them.

The officer guided them to an ambulance that was parked on the street, lights still flashing, and had Freed sit in the back, legs hanging over the edge. A few of the neighbors had come out to stare.

“Can you tell me your name?” A young man appeared in front of Freed, looking into their eyes with a penlight. Laxus stood next to Freed, holding their hand tightly.

“F-freed,” they responded, the shakiness in their voice more from fear and adrenaline than pain. “I’m... I think I’m okay.” They winced when the man began pressing his fingers around the back of their head.

“You’re going to need stitches here,” the paramedic said, gesturing to Freed’s temple. “It’s fairly deep. We’ll bandage it up for now and then take you to emergency. Do you know where you are?”

“Laxus’ house,” they murmured, blinking a few times. “I’m just a little dizzy, that’s all.”

The paramedic pulled out a first aid kit and began cleaning the area of the cut on Freed’s temple. Freed had no idea how large it was, just that blood had dripped down the side of their face and the cleaning wipes were coming away very red.

“Laxus! Freed!” A deep voice shouted and Freed flinched, but when they looked up it wasn’t Ivan. Laxus’ grandfather Makarov stood in front of them, white shock of hair flying in every direction, mustache quivering. The motorhome was parked on his driveway - he must have seen the police lights. “What’s going on? Are you hurt?” He reached out and touched Laxus’ arm.

“No, _dyudya_ , I’m okay,” Laxus said softly, bringing his fingers to his cheek. It wasn’t bruised yet, just reddened. He glanced over at the motorhome where the female officer was guiding a cuffed Ivan to her car. Ivan still looked like he couldn’t quite believe what was going on. “H-he hurt Freed.”

“Oh, Laxus,” Makarov sighed, gripping his grandson’s arm tightly. “I’m so sorry. Are you all right?” The last question was directed at Freed, who blinked up at him, still in a daze. They’d met several times over the past few years, always in secret from Ivan, but Makarov had been nothing but supportive of their relationship with Laxus.

“I’m f-fine, grampa,” they said softly, wincing as the paramedic finished applying the butterfly bandages across the wound. They were handed an ice pack, which Laxus took and gently held against the back of their head. “Just a headache.” Their wrist throbbed and they could see red fingerprints, stark against their pale skin.

“I’ll drive you two to the hospital,” Makarov said, voice quiet and sad. “I can’t believe him. Was he drinking?” Freed nodded, leaning into Makarov’s hand on their arm. 

“I’m sorry,” Laxus echoed and Freed turned to him, saddened to see tears trickling down his cheeks again. “I’m so sorry, this was all my fault. I shouldn’t have asked you to come back here, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Freed whispered, leaning until their foreheads were touching. “It’s not your fault. It’s his fault. I’m sorry I got in the way.”

“You’re so brave,” Laxus hiccupped, trailing a gentle hand down Freed’s cheek. “You’re so brave and he hurt you, and I just...”

“Sir?” Laxus sat up and wiped his face, turning to see the female officer standing behind him. “I’m Sergeant Delling. I’m going to have Constable Almsworth meet you at the hospital to take a statement. Is this man your father? He didn’t have any identification on him.”

“Y-yes,” Laxus said hesitantly. Freed placed a gentle hand on his back. “His n-name is Ivan. There’s a lockbox under the t-table in the motorhome. It’s got his license.” Sergeant Delling nodded.

“We’re going to process him, and then give you some option-”

“I want to press charges.”

Freed blinked, feeling their mouth dropping open in a soft ‘o’. Makarov looked similarly surprised. Freed leaned gently against Laxus, trying to give him comfort.

“Is this the first time this has happened?” Sergeant Delling asked, looking like she already knew the answer.

“No,” Laxus replied honestly. “I mean, it’s the first time he’s hurt someone other than me.” He rubbed his cheek again, and Sergeant Delling looked sympathetic.

“All right, we’ll take your statements at the hospital and help you two look into getting a lawyer,” she said, rubbing her face and glancing over at Freed. “Take care.”

Laxus nodded as Sergeant Delling turned back to her car. Ivan’s face was just visible through the rear window of the vehicle, set in a stony grimace. Freed shivered, squeezing Laxus’ arm.

“It’s going to be okay,” they whispered, pressing their face into the fabric of his shirt. “It’s going to be okay.”

 

* * *

 

The wait in the ER wasn’t as long as Freed had expected. By the time their stitches were done and their sprained and wrist was bandaged, Bix was texting them that he was in the waiting room.

“Are you okay?” Bix said frantically when Freed touched his elbow. He pulled them into a tight hug, kissing the top of their head. “I was so worried, I got the text and I had no idea what happened, and then you weren’t answering your phone...”

“I’m fine,” Freed said softly. “Just some stitches and a sprained wrist. I’ll live.” Bix sighed again, squeezing them tightly. Baby whined and Freed crouched down to pet her, ignoring the rules for today. She licked their face and Freed felt some of the tension leave their body.

“Where’s Laxus?” Bix asked.

“Here.” Laxus’ voice was soft and sad. While Freed had been getting stitches, Laxus had been filing the police report, and Freed could tell he was exhausted. “I’m so sorry.”

“C’mere,” Bix said, reaching out to where Laxus’ voice was coming from and pulling Laxus into a hug. Laxus was stiff for a moment, but Freed could see him relax slowly under Bix’s hand. “Nobody blames you. I’m so sorry you’ve suffered by yourself for so long. You’re welcome to come stay with us. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you,” Laxus whispered, pulling away from the embrace and wiping his face. Freed stood up slowly, letting Laxus help them, then leaned against him.

“Let’s go home,” they said softly, tapping Bix on the arm. “Is that okay?” Laxus nodded, eyes vacant, fixed on a point far away.

When they finally got back to the house, Freed led Laxus to their room, tugging him until he was lying down on the bed and facing them. Laxus’ eyes were still brimming with tears that slipped out when he blinked, and Freed placed a gentle hand on his cheek.

“None of this was your fault,” they said softly, running a hand through his hair. “He’s been abusing you for years and finally got caught. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I c-can’t... I just...” Laxus’ voice broke and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Freed’s and taking a shaky breath. “H-he hurt you. I was so angry, I just- I didn’t even think, and I n-never want to see him again.” He rubbed a hand over his face but the tears kept coming. “I p-put you in danger, and I h-hate him so much...”

The last word was a sob, and then there was another, and another, and then his face was buried in Freed’s chest as he cried. His shoulders shook and his cries were loud, anguished and full of pain. Freed felt their own tears coming as they stroked his back, kissing his head and whispering soft words of comfort.

A dip on the bed startled Freed until he realized it was just Baby, crawling in between them and nuzzling Laxus. She licked Laxus’ face, whining softly until he ran his hand through her fur.

After a while his tears subsided and he rubbed at his face, looking up at Freed. They loved this side of Laxus – soft and trusting and not embarrassed to _feel_ things. They just wished it hadn’t been precipitated by _this._ Freed leaned down and kissed him gently.

“I love you,” they murmured, running a thumb over his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault. We’re gonna get through this, and I’ll help you however you need it, okay?” Laxus nodded miserably, brushing a few strands of Freed’s hair out of their face.

“I love you too,” he murmured. Baby sighed contentedly and snuggled against them both, making herself comfortable. Freed shifted – the stitches were aching and their wrist was sore, and the painkillers were starting to wear off, but they didn’t want to remind Laxus and upset him again.

“So, you think you’re gonna do it?” they asked, entwining their fingers with Laxus’. He sighed, rolling onto his back.

“Yeah.” He ran a hand over his face. “I’m so done with his shit. I could- I’ve never raised a hand to him before. And I could kick his ass if I wanted. I dunno why I’ve never stood up for myself.” Freed stayed quiet, running a thumb over Laxus’ knuckles. “And I don’t want to fight him. But if they let him go, he’ll just keep hurting people. He might try to hurt you again. And I can’t let that happen.”

“Oh, love,” Freed murmured, bringing Laxus’ knuckles to their lips and kissing them softly.

“They’re charging him with assault. They said he could get out on bail but he doesn’t know anybody with that much money.” Laxus sighed. “I’m gonna go move my stuff to gramps’ place tomorrow. They asked me to testify against him.” Laxus sighed, closing his eyes. “They’re gonna ask for you to testify as well.”

“Of course,” Freed said automatically, resting their injured arm on Laxus’ chest and pillowing their head carefully in the crook of his arm. “Whatever you need.”

 

* * *

 

_“Don’t you ever tell me what to do,” Ivan snarled, and his fingers were so tight around Freed’s wrist. His nails started to grow, turning into sharp edges that dug into Freed’s skin._

_“I’m sorry,” Laxus whispered, kneeling on the floor and shaking his head. A growling sound drew Freed’s attention and they saw Baby, standing in the doorway and snarling at Ivan. But… when had she become a wolf?_

_“You’ll never take him from me,” Ivan hissed, rank breath hot on Freed’s face. “He’ll always choose me. You’re nothing.” Blood dripped into Freed’s eyes and they shook their head. “Are you LISTENING TO ME?” Ivan shouted. “YOU’RE NOTHING!”_

Freed’s eyes flew open and they shot up in bed, clapping a hand over their mouth before they woke up Laxus with their shouting. The feelings from the dream lingered on their skin and they had to wipe their eyes several times and feel around the bandage on their temple to reassure themself that they weren’t still bleeding.

They glanced over at Laxus. He was fast asleep, mouth slightly open, brows furrowed even while dreaming. Freed smoothed their fingers over his cheek and his expression softened slightly. They took several shaky breaths, then swung their legs over the edge of the bed and made their way out of the room.

Bix’s room was down the hallway and Freed felt their way along the wall, not wanting to turn the light on and risk waking up Laxus. Their hands were trembling and they forced themself to keep breathing. Part of them felt foolish – they were an adult, they should be able to deal with their nightmares without running to their friend’s room in the middle of the night. Another part didn’t care.

When they reached Bix’s room they knocked softly on the half-open door.

“Bix? It’s Freed, can I come in?” Freed heard a soft shuffle as Baby jumped down from the bed, padding over to them and nuzzling their hand. They petted her absently.

“Freed? You ‘kay?” Bix sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes, and Freed made their way over to his bed, sitting down next to him and trying to control their breathing. “Bad dream?”

“Yeah,” Freed whispered, leaning into Bix as he wrapped his arm around them. Tears were spilling from their eyes now and Freed wiped them away furiously. More took their place, tracing hot tracks down their cheeks. “I d-didn’t want to wake up Laxus, h-he already feels bad and h-he needs to sleep b-but I d-dreamt about _him_ and I c-can’t stop thinking about...” Freed’s words were interrupted by a sob and they buried their face in Bix’s chest.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, shhhh,” Bix whispered, stroking their hair. “It’s okay to be scared. What happened today was really, really scary and this is a totally normal reaction.” Freed shuddered, feeling their chin and neck becoming wet with tears.

“B-but Laxus lived w-with that for so long,” they sobbed, feeling like something heavy was pressing on their chest. “H-he must have been s-so s-scared every d-day and I d-didn’t d-do anything.”

“You did,” Bix said softly, tugging Freed closer to him. “You listened and supported him and offered him solutions. It was up to him, though. You couldn’t have made that decision for him. We tried reporting it, remember?”

Freed nodded, remembering the first summer that Laxus had come home and had accidentally rolled up his sleeves, exposing fingerprint-shaped bruises to Ever. She’d told Bix, who had told a miserable Freed that it was his responsibility to report any kind of suspected abuse. However, the police had told them that Laxus, who had just turned eighteen, was a legal adult and was capable of making the decision to remain with Ivan.

“I was s-so scared,” Freed sniffed, rubbing their face and pressing themself closer to Bix. “He was s-so angry, I thought he was going t-to kill us.”

“I’m so sorry,” Bix said gently. Freed sat up a little, wincing at the pain in their temple. Everything ached – their head, their wrist, their shoulder where it had hit the wall. “Do you need some painkillers?”

“No,” Freed shook their head. “I took them before bed. It’s only...” They glanced around before remembering that Bix didn’t have a clock in his room.

“Three-thirty,” Bix said softly, running his fingertips over his watch. “Do you want to go back to bed? Or are you too wired?”

“I don’t think I can sleep,” Freed admitted, pulling up their shirt to wipe their face and neck. They felt a slight flush creep up into their cheeks. “C-can you... do you min-”

“I’ll read to you,” Bix said gently, and Freed could almost _hear_ him smile. Freed knew that Bix generally listened to audiobooks but would occasionally take out books in Braille from the library. He’d tried to teach Freed to read Braille a few times, but they’d always ended up cheating and peeking under the blindfold. “I actually found some Douglas Adams, how’s that sound?”

“Mmm.” Freed flopped down on the bed, scooting up until they were laying on the pillow facing Bix, who sat against the headboard and ran his fingers over the book on his lap. Freed could barely see him – it was so dark in here – but his voice was soft and comforting.

 _“The story so far,”_ Bix began, fingers flying across the page. _“In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”_

 

* * *

 

**Three Weeks Later**

“They found him guilty.” The words tumbled from Laxus’ mouth as soon as Freed opened the door and they breathed out a sigh they didn’t realize they’d been holding. “They only gave him six months, but... he’s going to jail.”

“C’mere,” Freed whispered, tugging Laxus inside and pulling him into a tight hug. They could feel him shaking under their fingers. “It’s okay,” they murmured, running their hands up and down his back. “We’re okay.” Laxus nodded into their shoulder and Freed could feel their shirt becoming damp with his tears.

“I can’t... I dunno how I feel,” Laxus said after a moment, wiping his face and following Freed into the living room. They sat down on the couch and he brushed Freed’s hair out of the way, a guilty look flashing over his face as he ran his fingers over the red mark on their temple. It had healed well over the last few weeks but would likely scar. The bruise on Freed’s wrist was almost gone, and the sprain had healed completely.

“I’m fine,” Freed said gently, wrapping their hand around Laxus’ wrist. They leaned forward and kissed him gently, running a hand through his hair. Laxus sighed, looking down at his lap. Freed frowned. “Is something else wrong?”

Laxus shook his head, running his hands over his jeans. He briefly ran a finger over the scar on his left wrist, then sighed, nodding.

“One of the kids... from group...” He hesitated. “He tried to kill himself.”

“Oh gods, Laxus,” Freed said, reaching out and touching his arm. “Is he okay? Are you okay?”

“I dunno too much, I guess he, um, he took some drugs and cut up his wrist.” Laxus took a shuddering breath and let it out softly. “One of the girls who knows him, she said he’ll be okay. He was bein’ abused too.” He winced at the word. “He’s stayin’ with another guy from the class. I don’t even really know him, I dunno why it’s botherin’ me.”

“Yes, you do,” Freed said gently. “And that’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset that it brings back bad memories. That, and your dad going to prison, is going to take a toll on you.” They pressed their forehead to Laxus’. “You’re allowed to feel whatever you need to feel.”

“Thank you,” Laxus whispered, running a hand through their hair and squeezing his eyes shut. “Can... can I stay here tonight?” Laxus had moved into his grandfather’s house but had spent several nights with Freed since the incident.

“Of course,” Freed murmured. “You can stay here anytime. You don’t even have to ask.”

“I know, just... Bix and Eve-”

“I know I’m eavesdropping, but I want to echo what Freed said.” Bix appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, gaze resting in the general direction of the couch. “You’re family, Laxus, and you’re always welcome here.”

 

* * *

 

After saying goodnight to Bix and Ever and closing the bedroom door, Freed was surprised by Laxus grabbing them around the waist and carrying them to the bed. He leaned over Freed, running a hand into their hair and kissing them deeply. Freed moaned underneath him – they hadn’t had sex much since the incident with Ivan, and now their skin was feeling sparks wherever Laxus touched them.

“I want... I need...” Laxus stuttered, exhaling in frustration. Freed touched his face, gently, fingertips exploring the raised edges of his scar.

“I know,” they whispered, pulling him down for another kiss. Laxus made soft noises into their mouth, reaching down for the hem of their shirt and tugging at it questioningly. Freed sat up and raised their arms, letting him tug it over their head and throw it to the ground. He immediately removed his own shirt and moved to kissing Freed’s neck, trailing his tongue over their collarbone, nipping at the spot behind their ear that made them weak.

“You’re gorgeous,” Laxus murmured and Freed could feel the words against their skin. Laxus pushed their binder strap out of the way and kissed their shoulder, down their bicep, into the ditch of their elbow, in a gentle line over their forearm until his lips reached the palm of their hand. “You’re perfect an’ I want to keep you safe. I love you so much.”

“Laxus,” Freed whispered, the sensation of Laxus’ lips on the sensitive skin of their palm sending tingles up their arm. They were beginning to get wet, a tightness gripping their groin and making them spread their legs under Laxus. He took the cue and rocked his hips forward, dragging himself along their cunt and making them moan. “Y-you... nggn, I want...”

Laxus cut them off with another kiss, running his hand down their side and to the front of their jeans. Freed shifted their hips upward and Laxus made quick work of the zipper, slipping the pants and boxers over Freed’s hips and down to the ground.

“Please,” Freed whined before Laxus could ask, and he hummed, sliding his hand over their clit and dipping a finger inside them.

“Fuck, you’re so wet already,” Laxus murmured, running his finger up and down and flicking at Freed’s clit. “Can I... between your legs?”

“Mmm, yes... but c’mere first,” Freed gasped, fumbling with the button on Laxus’ pants and shoving them down. They tugged him up until he was straddling their chest, cock at the perfect angle for them to swallow him down.

“Chrissssst, you’re good at that,” Laxus groaned, grabbing a handful of their hair and tugging lightly. Freed hummed around his cock, bringing a hand up to fondle Laxus’ balls. He groaned and leaned forward, gripping the headboard while Freed licked and sucked at him. They dragged their tongue piercing under the head of his cock and he swore, bucking his hips forward.

“Up,” Freed murmured, sliding down until they could press soft kisses to the underside of Laxus’ scrotum. Laxus trembled over Freed, thighs shaking, and cried out when they pressed a finger against his entrance. They didn’t slide it in, instead replacing it with their tongue. They knew Laxus’ face was bright red right now – this was something they’d only recently discovered that he enjoyed. He panted and shuddered as Freed pressed their tongue against him, dipping it inside and then swirling it around again.

“Fucking... ngggnnn...” Laxus ground out, spreading his legs farther apart. They hummed, spreading his cheeks apart and continuing to lick and thrust their tongue into him. After a second, Laxus grabbed their wrist gently. “Get on top of me.”

Laxus swung his leg over Freed, grabbing them by the hips and moving them out of the way so he could lie on his back. He stroked his cock a few times, gazing at Freed intensely as he grabbed the lube from the bedside table. Opening the bottle, he drizzled some over his cock and more into his hand. Then he spread his legs wide and Freed slid in between them, moving their own legs apart enough for Laxus to spread the lube over the inside of their thighs.

“I love you,” Laxus murmured as he tugged Freed forward. They closed their thighs around his cock, exhaling sharply at the sensation of it dragging along their cunt. Leaning forward, they felt his arms wrap around their shoulders, one hand playing with the hair at the back of their head.

“I love you, too,” Freed whispered as they began to move their hips, moaning as Laxus’ cock slid between their thighs. They didn’t like being penetrated – they’d tried once, a few years ago, and it hadn’t gone well – but this felt amazing. It didn’t get them off, but the act of moving their bodies together like this made them feel so close to Laxus.

“Ahhh, you’re so wet, I can feel you,” Laxus groaned as his cock parted their folds, rubbing against their entrance for a moment before sliding back again. “I love... I get you like this. Hot and... _nggnn_ ...wet an’ turned on.”

“You do,” Freed whispered, thrusting their hips harder as they braced themself against the bed. “Ahh, yeah, right there.” They angled their hips a little more until Laxus was brushing against their clit and they moaned, dropping their forehead to his chest. He was breathing hard, chest shaking, and they darted their tongue out, catching his nipple.

“Freed, I c-can’t, I’m close,” he panted, nails digging along the back of their chest.

“Then come,” Freed whispered, leaning up and biting his earlobe. He tipped his head back, covering his face with one arm to keep quiet as he came, hips jerking erratically. Freed could hear his heartbeat pounding through his chest, stuttering as he shuddered a few times and then dropped back to the mattress, breathing heavily.

“Get up here,” he murmured, tugging on Freed’s hips. They had made a mess on the bedspread but he ignored it, pulling Freed up until they were straddling his face in a reversal of their earlier position. “Gods, you make me feel good.” Then he darted his tongue out and flicked it across their clit.

“Please, I w-want...” Freed’s words trailed off into a moan as Laxus drew his tongue through their folds and over their entrance, then dragged it back until he could press it against their clit.

“You want what?” he asked breathlessly, massaging his fingers into their hips. They were self-conscious about the slight curve there but Laxus loved it, running his hands over their thighs and back up their sides. “You wanna come?” Freed whined in agreement, pressing their hips down over Laxus’ face.

He wrapped his lips around their clit, sucking gently and then moving back down and licking at their cunt. He reached his hand up and rubbed his thumb over Freed’s clit.

“Can I go inside?” he asked, punctuating each word with a flick of his tongue.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Freed moaned, biting their arm as he slid two fingers into them. “Fffffuck, ahh, Laxus.” He grinned.

“I love watchin’ you lose it,” he said roughly, sliding his fingers out and in again. “You only ever swear when I’m fucking you.”

Freed was about to argue but Laxus returned his tongue to their clit, alternating sucking and licking as he fingered them. He added another finger and they collapsed forward against the headboad, making incoherent panting noises as they felt themself getting closer.

“Lax... usss... ahhh...” Freed groaned, driving their hips down onto Laxus’ fingers and pressing forward against his tongue. One more thrust of his fingers had them coming, letting out soft gasps and shuddering breaths as they felt their body flood with release. They let it wash over them, shaking and breathing heavily.

“You’re amazing,” Laxus whispered as Freed moved off of him and slid down on the bed, resting their head against his chest and shuddering. Laxus kicked the blanket over the mess they’d made, wiping a hand over his mouth and kissing Freed’s forehead.

“Y-you’re wonderful,” Freed murmured, snuggling closer to him. They were quiet for a moment, listening to each other breathe. After a moment Freed spoke up quietly. “You don’t have to keep me safe. We’re here for each other.” Laxus sighed underneath them, wrapping both arms around them and holding them tight.

“I know,” he said softly. “I know it wasn’t my fault. I just keep seein’ him... hitting you, and shoving you, and then you were bleeding...”

“But I’m okay,” Freed interjected. “We’re both okay. And you’re in a better place now, right?” Laxus nodded hesitantly. “You’ve got so many people in your corner. You can do this.”

“I’m scared of when he gets out,” Laxus admitted, voice so quiet Freed could barely hear it. “I feel like I’m scared so much. Everyone in this group is terrified of me. I can see it, ‘cause I’m big and tall, and my scar, and they think I’m mean. But I’m just scared, all the time.”

“Oh, love,” Freed whispered, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him tighter.

“I feel like a scared little boy,” Laxus continued, voice shaky. “I don’t remember not being afraid. I mean, I do, when I was with _akka_ and _aja,_ but something always felt wrong, and then he took me and didn’t let me say goodbye, and he was so... _big_ all the time. Big an’ angry an’ mean.” Freed pushed themself up on their elbow and stroked Laxus’ hair soothingly. He sighed. “I’m tired of thinkin’ about this.”

“Wanna go make some popcorn and watch a movie?” Freed asked. Laxus frowned, glancing over at the bedside table which read eleven-thirty. “I know it’s late, but I’m not tired. And you need to take your mind off things.” 

Laxus collected their discarded clothes and they both got dressed, then headed downstairs stairs. They snuggled up on the couch, keeping the volume low, and after half an hour Laxus had fallen asleep, snoring softly with his head in Freed’s lap. Freed stroked his hair, ignoring the TV in favor of watching Laxus’ chest rise and fall.

 _I’m never going to let him hurt you again,_ they thought desperately. _I’ll do anything to keep you safe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: if you have an iPhone you can rapidly press the lock button several times and it will come up with the option to make an emergency call. This alerts local law enforcement, as well as texting your emergency contacts with your current location. 
> 
> Bix reads "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe", which is the second book in the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series and one of my favorite books. Read them. They're hilarious. You won't be disappointed. 
> 
> By the end of this story you'll have like a...kama sutra of non-binary/trans/anybody sex options. :P


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camp is over and Freed is feeling wistful. Natsu and Freed have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, but here's the next chapter, finally! Thank you SO much to mdelpin for all her help editing and polishing, I appreciate it immensely. <3

Camp flew by in a blur of workshops, bonfires, singalongs, craft-making, swimming, counseling campers through several crises, and eating far too many s’mores. Freed spent their time floating between activities, making sure everything flowed smoothly. With the exception of Sting and Natsu’s soccer match that ended with the ball hitting a hornet’s nest, and the two teens who fell off the dock and needed to be rescued by Gray, the week went by as smoothly as Freed could have hoped.

On the final morning Freed was startled awake by the sound of heavy bass reverberating outside the cabin window. Music drifted in, loud and poppy.

“Ughhhh it’s too early for… vwhatever that is,” they grumbled, grabbing their phone from under their pillow and glancing at the numbers. 6:58 – two minutes before their alarm was set to go off. 

“Never too early for Nicki Minaj,” Natsu argued cheerfully. Freed looked over at him – he was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling on his t-shirt and slipping his feet into his flip-flops. His hair was messy and he ran a hand through it, trying unsuccessfully to flatten it out. “Welcome to the final day.” He grinned at Freed.

“How are you such a morning person?” Freed yawned, rubbing their face. Natsu laughed.

“I wasn’t always,” he admitted. “But Gray gets up at ungodly early o’clock to go swimming and I wanted him to teach me, and then it just kinda became a thing.” He smiled, tipping his head to the side. “It’s like… our time. We get to just enjoy each other before the world wakes up.”

“That’s the sappiest thing I’ve heard since your wedding vows,” Freed teased.

“Yeah, well…” Natsu trailed off, smiling softly. Then he gave Freed a concerned look. “You were up late with Jace, hey?”

Freed nodded, sitting up in the bed and crossing their legs. Jace, a young trans boy in his first year at camp, had knocked on their door at two in the morning. He’d been in tears, worrying about his parents and going home. Freed had spent over an hour with him, listening to his fears and trying to give him some reassurance.

“You’re good at that,” Natsu said, voice gentle. “They listen to you. You make a huge difference in these kid’s lives.” Freed felt an embarrassed flush creeping up their neck and they ducked their head.

“Thank you,” they said quietly. “I know it sounds dramatic but this place really saved me when I was younger.” Natsu nodded understandingly, moving to sit next to Freed on their bed. He smelled like campfire smoke and coffee. “Meeting other people like me was amazing, and I want these kids to have the same experience.”

“I’m glad we’re friends,” Natsu said suddenly, fidgeting a little. He looked slightly embarrassed. “I know your friendship means a lot to Gray, but I want you to know that I appreciate it too. You being _my_ friend, I mean.” Freed felt their lips curling up in a smile and they leaned against Natsu’s shoulder. “Laxus too, even though he scared the crap outta me when I met him.” Freed laughed.

“You’re important to me, too,” they said softly, letting Natsu wrap his arm around them. “And I hope this doesn’t sound patronizing but you’ve been really brave this week.” Natsu exhaled softly. He and Gray had spent nearly every afternoon in the pool with the campers, both shirtless and working through their fears. “The kids really look up to you. You inspire them.”

“They inspire me, too,” Natsu said softly, resting his cheek on top of Freed’s head. They sat like that for a moment, then Natsu squeezed Freed’s shoulder and stood up, rubbing his eyes. “Looks like there’s a dance party I’m missing out there. See you at breakfast!”

As soon as Natsu left Freed groaned, flopping back down onto the bed and stretching. Their skin felt sticky from too much sunscreen and bug spray, and they were certain their hair looked horrifying.

They lay for a while, staring at the random carvings on the cabin ceiling – _Bryce was here, J+S 4ever, Ashley sucks dicks._ Freed snorted, then ran a hand over their face. They hadn’t slept well. After talking Jace through his fears about his family and sending him back to his cabin, Freed had lain awake for a long time, thinking about their own parents.

They groaned, rolling over and shoving their face in the pillow. All week there had been little things, pieces of the days that wormed their way into Freed’s mind and drew out thoughts of their family. Their _estranged_ family, they supposed.

When Freed had been younger and had come to camp, the final day had always been the worst. They would watch the other campers get picked up by their parents, one by one, and their heart would break as they realized that their mom and dad would never come for them. Then Bix and Ever would pick them up, and Freed would have to hide their heartbreak the whole way home. 

Sitting up slowly, Freed rubbed their face, then stood and began to collect their toiletries, shaking the thoughts from their mind. Their parents never came for them then, and they certainly weren’t going to come now. 

The shower in the staff cabin was tiny, dubiously clean, and had only lukewarm water, but Freed appreciated it nonetheless. They spent more time than necessary washing their hair, and by the time they made it down to the main lodge, breakfast was already being served.

“The kids stayed up until almost one in the morning,” Gray complained as Freed slumped down across from him at the staff table. Gray was poking at his pancakes with his fork and yawning. Each staff took turns staying up with the campers after the evening bonfire, and last night it had been Gray and Sting. “I feel so old. Remember when we used to stay up that late? Now I’m usually in bed by ten thirty.” He gave up on the food and crossed his arms on the table, burying his head in his sleeves.

“You’re truly ancient,” Freed teased. “How’s breakfast?”

“Amazing,” Natsu interrupted, plopping down next to Gray and kissing his cheek. “Hey, Snowflake. How’s my grumpy husband this morning?”

“Mmf,” was the only reply. Natsu laughed and ruffled Gray’s hair affectionately, then turned to his plate. It was stacked high with not only pancakes, but bacon, sausage, and fruit. Freed had once teased Natsu about his voracious appetite, and he had taken the joke good-naturedly. However, Gray had approached Freed later and explained that Natsu had often gone without food when he was younger, especially before he and Gray had met and he had been homeless. After that, Freed hadn’t mentioned it again.

A soft touch on their shoulder startled Freed out of their reverie and they glanced up to see Laxus standing over them. They smiled, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Thought you weren’t getting here until this afternoon,” they murmured, running their thumb over the stubble Laxus hadn’t shaved. “Clean-up isn’t until three.”

“I know,” Laxus replied, sliding down onto the bench beside Freed. He gave Natsu a nod and poked Gray, who made another unintelligible sound. “I just missed you,” Laxus added, turning back to Freed. “And I figured you could probably use an extra set of hands to round up these kids.”

Freed glanced around the room – they had tuned out the teen’s noise, but the dining hall was a bit of a riot. The walls had been decorated with multicolored banners and posters, and the tables were still littered with craft supplies, including an unreasonable amount of glitter. Most of the kids were dressed in bright outfits, mismatched from the clothing swap.

The color was one thing, but the camaraderie was something else. Most of the teens had been strangers when they’d arrived, and now they linked arms and sat on each other’s laps like they were best friends. Jokes were shouted across tables, and phone numbers were exchanged in permanent marker on the inside of each other’s forearms. Freed was happy to see that Aspen was sitting with a group of kids who’d been enthusiastically learning ASL over the course of the week.

“I don’t think we’ll ever get the glitter out of the floor,” Natsu remarked around a mouthful of pancakes. “Actually, I don’t think it’ll come off my skin. I’m going to be fabulous forever.” He laughed as Gray yawned, snuggling closer to Natsu. “And now it’s on your face.”

“Mmf,” Gray replied, reaching over and stealing Natsu’s coffee. _“T’es déjà fabuleux.”_

Natsu snorted, kissing the top of Gray’s head. Freed noted the braided red bracelet around Natsu’s left wrist – the kids had made them yesterday as a show of their solidarity and friendship. The first year they’d tried to make rainbow colored ones, but some of the kids hadn’t felt safe taking them home. Red was a much safer color, and kept the memories close during the rest of the year.

“I’m proud of you,” Laxus murmured, wrapping his arm around Freed. He looked around at the busy room and smiled. “And you should be proud of yourself.”

“I hope...” Freed played with their own bracelet, nestled neatly beside the one Sylvie had made for them. “I wish it could always be like this. For all of them.” Laxus didn’t say anything, but grabbed Freed’s hand, twining their fingers together. “I know for some of them, home isn’t great.”

“Yours wasn’t either,” Laxus said gently. “And look what you’ve become.” The words were simple but pierced straight to Freed’s heart, and they let out a breath they’d been unconsciously holding. “You did this. You gave them this place.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” Freed whispered, tipping their head back and blinking rapidly. “I can’t cry yet, camp doesn’t end for another two hours.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ve already started.” Natsu grinned at Freed, grabbing his coffee cup from Gray and taking a sip. He made a face and handed it back to his husband. “Aspen hugged me ‘cause I signed to them – and hopefully I said it right and the interpreter wasn’t messing with me – that I hoped they enjoyed camp.” Freed laughed – Natsu was always a hugger. “Kinda lost it there, so...”

Freed sighed, knowing that those embraces were going to be difficult at the end of the day. Looking around the room once more, they turned back to their friends and gave a sad half-smile.

 

“Well,” they said. “I guess we’d better get ready to say goodbye.”

 

* * *

 

An enormous pile of sleeping bags, pillows, and duffel bags in front of the cabin told Freed that most of the kids had already packed up. Most of them were lounging around in the front area – an impromptu game of soccer had started in one corner that was being haphazardly refereed by Sting and Ryos. Another group were sitting in a circle listening to one of the campers play the guitar, and still more were lying on the grass, staring up at the cloudless blue sky.

Freed turned to see Natsu sitting on the porch with a palette of eyeshadow on the table in front of him, performing a complicated handshake with one of the kids. At the pride show last night, Natsu had been the one to help the kids with their makeup, and some of them had asked for him to do it again today to celebrate the end of camp.

Freed had watched with cautious interest for part of last night, wanting to approach Natsu but never actually doing so. Makeup had never been something they’d allowed themself to wear. It had always felt like a betrayal of their identity, an indication that they’d somehow been faking the non-binary thing all along because _girls_ wore makeup. And then people would mess up their pronouns and make assumptions and it would be _their_ fault because they looked like a girl. 

But today they felt different. Maybe it was the energy of the week, or the pride they felt in watching the campers grow into themselves, or maybe Freed was just finally admitting that this was something they’d been thinking about a lot lately. Ignoring their misgivings, they approached Natsu and settled down into the vacant chair beside him.

“What’s up?” Natsu asked, giving Freed a bright smile. Freed’s heart warmed a little – Natsu hadn’t smiled for such a long time after the fire. It had been so difficult to drag him out of the depression that had overtaken him after the accident. Seeing him here, so carefree, was heartening for Freed.

“Can you...” They shifted uncomfortably, remembering their reason for coming over. “I’ve never worn makeup.” They picked at their cuticles, avoiding Natsu’s gaze. “But... I want to try it? Maybe? And I thought...”

“Of course,” Natsu said brightly, twirling a makeup brush in his hand. “Just the basics? Or bright and sparkly?” Freed had seen one of the campers earlier with a literal rainbow of colors on her eyelids, but that was too much for them. At least for now, anyway.

“Basic,” they replied quietly, still uncertain.

“C’mere,” Natsu said gently, reaching out and gently grasping Freed’s chin. His nails were painted a sparkly purple that was chipped from afternoons in the pool. His own eyeliner was slightly smudged from the heat, a splash of green glitter at the outsides of his eyes. They were so _brown_. “Black eyeliner okay?” He asked after a moment, shuffling until he was sitting directly across from Freed.

“Mhmm,” they replied, closing their eyes as Natsu brushed their hair out of their face and fastened it with a clip he pulled from the ponytail elastic on his wrist.

As Natsu began to brush something over Freed’s face, they slowly relaxed into the gentle, practiced touches. Natsu’s brow furrowed in concentration as he worked.

“You okay?” he asked after a few minutes. Freed blinked, realizing they had been daydreaming. They nodded, making an apologetic sound when Natsu grasped their chin more firmly to keep them from moving.

“Mm. Last day of camp is always hard,” they said. Natsu nodded.

“I mean about this, though.” He waved the makeup brush in front of Freed’s face. They felt a blush creeping up their cheeks and sighed.

“I don’t know,” they admitted honestly. “I’ve never... it always felt like I couldn’t. Like it wasn’t right for me, that it would... invalidate my identity.” They tried not to blink as Natsu pulled down their lower lid and brushed something over it.

“I sorta know what you mean,” Natsu said softly, chewing on his bottom lip. “My foster parents would never buy anything, y’know, anything not ‘for boys’, so I couldn’t experiment.”

He switched from one brush to another – Freed had no idea what any of them were for – and started working on Freed’s eyelid.

“I was maybe, I dunno, thirteen when I shoplifted some eyeshadow from the drugstore,” Natsu continued. His cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. “But I loved it. And, of course, teenage boys are assholes and it ended with a split lip and a black eye, but it felt right.”

“Gods, I’m sorry,” Freed said, blinking a few times as Natsu drew back, admiring his work. He shrugged, setting down the brush and palette.

“It was...” Natsu looked up at the clear blue sky, collecting his thoughts. “When I moved in with Gray, I could finally just be who I wanted to be. Makeup, paint my nails...” he trailed off, exhaling noisily and looking at the ground next to Freed. “Sometimes more.”

A charged silence hung between them. Freed felt like everything in their life had suddenly shifted, just an inch to the left, and they were walking blind like Bix, hitting their shins on everything. After a moment Natsu began speaking again.

“I’m not... I’m not like you, and I don’t mean that in a bad way because you’re amazing and brave and all good things.” He finally made eye contact with Freed, smiling shyly. “I dunno why I never said anything before. I guess I just felt like... it didn’t need to be said? I’m not, like, I don’t want to change. Or anything. Just sometimes being a guy doesn’t always fit.”

“That’s...” Freed trailed off, unsure of what to say. They’d never even considered than anyone in their group of friends could ever feel the way they did. For the briefest moment they felt a flash of frustration – all this time... if Natsu had said something earlier...

They shook the thought from their head. This was Natsu’s story. “Thank you... for telling me.”

Natsu laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s not a big deal, really. I mean, Gray’s always been cool about it obviously. I guess it’s just been more...” He paused. “I notice it more lately? And again, not wanting to change, just feeling... not right with stuff sometimes.”

“That makes perfect sense,” Freed said, smiling. “Is there anything I – we – can do? To help?” Natsu tipped his head back and forth, considering.

“I don’t think so, I’ve - I’m happy with pronouns and stuff.” He glanced down at the button clipped to his belt that read _Natsu, he/him._ “Just saying it out loud to someone other than Gray... it feels good. Less like I have to keep it a secret.”

“You never have to keep secrets with us - with me,” Freed replied. “And I’m always here. Even if I don’t know what I’m doing half the time.” Natsu snorted.

“I think you do a pretty good job,” he said, looking out over the campers. “You wanna see what it looks like?” Freed blinked in confusion for a moment before realizing that Natsu meant the makeup. They nodded hesitantly and he handed them a mirror.

They looked... good. Pretty. He’d highlighted their cheekbones and put something soft and gold-colored around the corners of their eyes, which were then outlined with black liner. Freed held the mirror further away from themself, tipping their head to the side and trying to work through the tangle of emotions in their stomach. Was ‘pretty’ okay?

“Looks like the first parents are here,” Natsu said, pulling Freed out of their contemplation as he gestured to the red minivan bouncing down the gravel road. “You ready to wrap this up?”

“No,” Freed admitted, handing the mirror back to Natsu. Maybe makeup hadn’t been the best idea, since they were fairly certain they’d spend the next hour in tears. “No, I never am.”

 

* * *

 

The campers were gone. Everyone had split up to their different areas around the camp, tidying up and getting things ready for them to head home as well. Freed stood on the hill overlooking the lake, clipboard held limply in their hands, heavy feeling sitting on their chest.

They’d been trying so hard to keep thoughts of their parents out of their mind this week, but for some reason, being here triggered something they couldn’t explain. Now it was over and the feeling still sat there, eating away at them and making them feel like they couldn’t breathe. End of camp was always hard, but this time...

Freed sighed, sitting down at the picnic table and dropping their clipboard. The lake was easily visible through the trees, water churning in the wake of someone’s motorboat. Freed felt a warm pressure behind their eyes and shook their head, refusing to cry. They’d cried enough already today.

Footsteps behind them made them jump and they turned to see Gray making his way across the clearing. He seemed to sense Freed’s melancholy mood, and didn’t say anything as he settled in next to them. Freed dropped a head to Gray’s shoulder as Gray wrapped an arm around them.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Freed said eventually, voice soft. Gray didn’t respond, just squeezed them tighter. The ache in Freed’s chest expanded, growing and growing until they couldn’t keep it in anymore. “I wanted them to come.” They sighed, dropping their head into their hands. Did they mean now, or back then? “I want so badly for them to apologize, and I know they won’t, and I just...”

“I’m sorry,” Gray murmured, pulling Freed tighter against him. “Anything I can do?” Freed shook their head, pushing their hair out of their face again.

Gray sat up and gestured for Freed to lean forward so he could move to sit on the picnic table behind them. Once there, he pulled the elastic from Freed’s braid and began to comb his fingers through their hair. Freed sighed in contentment, leaning their head back and closing their eyes.

“I wish I didn’t miss them,” they admitted eventually, once Gray had combed the tangles from their hair and began to pull it into an intricate French braid. Freed played with the hem of their shorts, sighing. “I know they’re not good people, but I want them to love me anyway.”

“I think that’s normal,” Gray replied, nudging for Freed to tilt their head to the side. “No matter what they’ve done, you still feel something for them because they’re family?” Freed hummed.

“Laxus still talks to his dad sometimes,” they said, stomach twisting uncomfortably at the memory of the last time they’d seen the man. Rancid breath, hands on Freed’s wrist, broken phone, pain. They shuddered. “Not often. And he hates him, but...”

“Mmm.” Gray’s fingers flew through the threads of Freed’s hair, twisting and weaving it carefully. He tugged a bobby pin from where it was pinned to his sleeve – courtesy of Ryos – and tucked one part of the braid up so he could work on the other half. “I wish us loving you could be enough.” He made a frustrated sound, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Freed said, silently agreeing with him.

“I mean that I wish that us, all of us here, all the things you’ve done and the people you’ve helped, and the friends you’ve made... I wish that was enough to fill those holes.” Gray pulled down the first braid and began twining it with the second, working his way down to the ends of Freed’s hair. “I know it’s not, but I wish it was. We all love you.”

“I know,” Freed whispered, resting their hand on Gray’s calf and squeezing. “It is, some days.” Gray tugged the elastic from his wrist and wrapped it around the end of the braid, tipping Freed’s head forward to admire his handiwork. Then he slid off the bench and stood in front of Freed, tugging them to their feet.

“Why don’t we go see if Natsu needs help?” He said gently. Just then, Freed’s radio flared to life with a loud crackle.

“Freed, you there?” It was Sting.

“Yep, I’m up by the lake, what’s up?” There was a long pause before Sting replied.

“You, uh, should come down to the cabin.” Freed frowned, looking over at Gray. Was someone hurt? Sting cleared this throat, then added, “Your brother’s here.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **French Translations**  
>  T’es déjà fabuleux = You're already fabulous
> 
> This is a little character arc that I've had planned for Natsu for quite a while, and I've finally been able to get it out there. Also let's be honest, we all know he'd love Nicki Minaj. ^_^ 
> 
> I know there wasn't much Fraxus fluff in this chapter but I promise that the next chapter (and the one after that) have quite a bit to make up for it!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel apologizes and tries to make amends. Camp is over, and Freed's feeling different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, after a nearly three month hiatus, here is the final chapter of this fic. It has been such a ride - when I started writing it, I was still in the closet as a non-binary person, and over the course of writing it I came out. I'm now out to not only my friends and family, but to my work and everyone in my life. It's been a terrifying, exhilarating process, and I've dealt with a lot of the same issues Freed did - namely, a rocky relationship with my father. Writing this has really helped me find my place, and find who I am, and I'm glad that so many other people have enjoyed it in the process. 
> 
> Thank you all <3 you're the best

“Gabriel?” Freed gaped at their brother, who stood outside the cabin, looking slightly uncomfortable and holding the hand of a young woman with long, brown hair. Gabriel’s face lit up when he saw Freed, then dropped into something apologetic.

“Freed, I am so sorry.” He let go of the woman’s hand and reached out hesitantly for Freed, grabbing their hands when Freed didn’t resist. They blinked – was this a dream? Gabriel’s wedding was two days ago, what could he possibly be doing here?

“What... who...” Freed felt Gray squeeze their arm, then move away from them and head into the cabin, leaving them alone with their brother and the woman they assumed was his wife.

“I needed to apologize,” Gabriel said again, squeezing Freed’s hands and giving them a heartbroken look. “For that dinner. I just, I was so... and then dad, he was – I’ve never yelled at him before, never, but he was so awful and said these, these things...”

“You yelled at dad?” Freed felt dizzy. “Why are... didn’t you...”

“I needed to talk to you.” Gabriel sighed heavily. “I was too scared to, at first, I didn’t know what to say but then I went to the website, the one for where you work. I saw the camp, we bought tickets a few days ago. I tried to text you but-”

“There’s no reception.” Freed’s voice was light and airy, and they took a step backward. “You f-flew? Here? To talk?”  

“We got in this morning,” Gabriel said, face slowly morphing back into a smile. “Freed, this is my wife, Sarah.” He gestured for the woman to join them and she smiled at Freed, reaching out a hand for them to shake. “Sarah, this is my... my sibling. Freed.”

 _Sibling._ Freed’s stomach was doing a strange acrobatics routine, and they shook Sarah’s hand cautiously. _He didn’t say sister._

“Freed’s the one who runs the whole camp,” Gabriel explained, and Freed through they detected a note of pride in his voice. “She does this kind of work all year in Magnolia.” Gabriel immediately looked mortified. “They, they, not she, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s... okay,” Freed said slowly, still reeling from the shock of seeing their brother, _here._  

“I’m so happy to meet you,” Sarah said, gesturing with eyebrows raised to the picnic table behind them. Freed dropped down on one side, Gabriel and Sarah on the other. “Gabriel’s told me lots about you. Especially after his trip up here, and everything that happened with your father.”

Freed swallowed heavily, dropping their gaze to the uneven wood grain of the picnic table. An ant was making its way along the surface, carrying a leaf in its mandibles. Freed watched it pick its way over several holes before they finally answered.

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful,” they said carefully, picking at their thumbnail under the table, “but what are you doing here?”

Gabriel sighed, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table. 

“I was wrong.” The words hung in the air for a moment and Gabriel tapped his fingers on the table. “Dad was awful, and he was – is – wrong, but I was terrible too.” He rubbed his face and Freed saw Sarah place a hand on his back. “I should have reached out sooner. I shouldn’t have listened to them, I should be thinking for myself. And I am, now. Or I’m trying to, at least.”

“What do you mean?” Freed’s voice was almost a whisper as they attempted to tamp down the sensation of hope rising in their chest. Last time they’d let themself hope, it had only ended in anger and disappointment.

“We’re moving away from the commune,” Sarah said. Freed’s eyes snapped over to her and they frowned. “It’s clear that your father’s views don’t always... mesh with our own.”

“You’re _leaving?”_ Freed said incredulously. “Is he disowning you, too?” They regretted the words as soon as they spoke – they had no reason to be cruel. “I’m sorry, this is just very surprising.”

“He’s furious,” Gabriel admitted, looking up at Freed. “But I can’t listen to him spew hate. For so long I thought it was what God wanted. To keep things the way He’d created them. Father spoke so eloquently, and I didn’t - I didn’t know anything else.”

Freed nodded a little. At least they’d had their time in the public school – Gabriel had been indoctrinated since he was an infant.

“I don’t think you’re a… a perversion.” Gabriel’s voice dropped and he cringed. “When I saw you with your – your boyfriend. Laxus?” Freed nodded. “I could see that you loved him like I love Sarah.” Gabriel reached over and squeezed her hand. “And maybe it doesn’t... matter what you are.”

“You don’t sound certain,” Freed said slowly, chewing on their bottom lip. This seemed too good to be true. “I don’t mean to be rude, but...”

“You have every right to be suspicious,” Gabriel interrupted, reaching across the table and placing his hand over Freed’s. They forced themself not to pull away, instead focusing on the soft gold band that now decorated Gabriel’s finger. “I’ve been going to counselling. We both have.” He nodded at Sarah. “We’re trying to figure out where God fits into our lives.” Freed was surprised to hear Gabriel’s voice waver. “I was hoping you could fit into our lives too.”

Freed sat in silence for a moment, shaking their head a little to clear the confusion. They sighed, taking their hand back from Gabriel and rubbing their face.

“I need to process this,” they said eventually. “I can’t believe you came all the way here. But I don’t know what to do now.” Freed chewed on their lip. “You said before that you couldn’t approve of my lifestyle. Has that changed?”

Gabriel sighed, brows furrowed and ears red. He looked over to Sarah, who smiled at him encouragingly.

“I think so,” he said softly. Freed couldn’t tell if Gabriel’s uncertainty hurt or not. “I’m trying to figure out what I believe. It’s hard.” He shook his head. “But not as hard as running away because Dad hurt you. Or as hard as making a new life in a new country with no family.” Freed felt their throat tighten as Gabriel’s words grew rougher. “You’ve been through a lot. And you’re different than I remember, but you’re still family, and I love you.”

Freed tried to breathe in time with the wind that rustled through the trees. They could hear Natsu and Gray talking quietly on the porch of the cabin.

“I don’t know if that’s enough,” Freed whispered eventually, trying to keep in the tears. “I can’t... I don’t think I can handle knowing that you think my life is wrong. Or my friend’s lives.” They exhaled shakily and ran a hand over their eyes. “I can’t deal with... conditional love. It has to be all or nothing.”

“I understand,” Gabriel replied, his own voice uncertain. “And I know it’s been a long time since we’ve really been... siblings. Mom and dad have been terrible and I’m sorry they’re not going to change. But I needed you to know that I do love you, and I’m trying to be better, and if you don’t want to talk again that’s fine, I just needed to say it.”

A gentle quiet stretched out across the table, broken only by the sound of both of them sniffling. Sarah’s voice eventually broke the silence.

“Freed, I know we’ve just met, but I agree with Gabriel.” She brushed her hair behind her ear and gave him a soft smile. “If you would have us in your life, we would love to be a part of it.”

Freed swore softly – in French, so Gabriel didn’t understand them – then nodded.

“I would... like that,” they said quietly. “I think.” Gabriel let out a relieved sigh. “H-how long are you here?” The thought of going out for dinner made Freed’s stomach clench uncomfortably, but maybe coffee would be okay.

“Only until tomorrow evening,” Gabriel said regretfully. “We’re catching our flight to Niagra Falls for our honeymoon.” 

Freed nodded, rubbing the back of their neck. They started when they felt a hand on their shoulder, but when they looked up to see that it was Laxus, they breathed a deep sigh of relief. Laxus’ face was neutral as he looked at Gabriel, but Freed could feel the protectiveness radiating from him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, tone not entirely friendly. Freed grabbed Laxus’ hand and squeezed.

“He came to apologize,” they said, tugging Laxus down to sit next to them. Laxus looked surprised, but still wary.

“I owe you an apology as well,” Gabriel said quietly, clearly intimidated by Laxus’ size. He didn’t meet Laxus’ gaze, focusing instead on his folded hands. “I can’t apologize for my father, but I can say that I’m sorry for my part in what happened. I know that doesn’t make it right, but...”

“Thank you.” Laxus’ voice was rough and Freed looked up at him, surprised. Then they remembered that Laxus had lots of practice in forgiving – or attempting to forgive – wrongs from family.

“Would you... like to go for breakfast tomorrow?” Gabriel asked tentatively, looking back and forth between Freed and Laxus. “If you can’t, or don’t want to, that’s... it’s fine. We would understand. But I’d like to get to know you better? Both of you.”

Freed sighed, rubbing their face and realizing belatedly that they’d likely smudged the makeup Natsu had done for them. “I don’t...”

“People can change,” Laxus said gently, voice low as he took Freed’s hand. “I did. It’s up to you, but I think we should give it a chance.” He ignored Gabriel entirely, focusing on Freed and bringing Freed’s hand up to kiss their knuckles. “And if he’s a dick, I’ll make him regret it.” He gave Freed a conspiratorial grin.

Freed laughed, shaking their head and looking at Laxus fondly. He was right. Laxus had changed, and if Freed had refused to give Laxus a second chance, they’d never be here, happy and in love. Freed turned back to Gabriel, nodding.

“Yes,” they said, feeling something in their chest expand and release. “I’m not making any promises, but that’s... we can meet you.”

Gabriel beamed at Freed, moving to reach out and grab their hand, but pulling back at the last second. “Can I...” He stood up from the picnic table and everyone else followed suit. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

Freed tensed, stepping back against Laxus and shaking their head. “I’d rather not,” they said apologetically, relaxing into the feeling of Laxus’ hand on their back. “Maybe another time.”

“Of course,” Gabriel replied, smiling through his obvious disappointment. “We should go, but can I get your number? We can text about where to meet tomorrow.”

Freed felt surreal as they exchanged phone numbers, and when they looked down at their phone to see Gabriel’s name in their contacts, the pressure in their chest shifted a bit. They had a brief flash back to _I don’t know anyone by that name, don’t call here again,_ but shook their head to clear the memory. Maybe this time it would be different.

As they watched Gabriel and Sarah pull away in their rental car and disappear down the drive back to the highway, Freed exhaled, feeling tension bleed from their shoulders.

“I don’t feel real,” they murmured, turning to Laxus and letting him wrap them in his arms. “I can’t... I want to believe he’s telling the truth. But what if he’s not?”

“Then he’s not,” Laxus replied, turning to smile at Gray and Natsu, who had appeared next to them. “Doesn’t matter what happens with him, you’ve got your family right here.”

 

* * *

 

Everything was packed and ready to go – the cabin had been swept, each bunk had been triple checked for missing items, and the sports equipment was stored back in the sheds. Freed yawned, stretching out their back and turning to look at the lake.

“Ready to head down?” Laxus appeared behind Freed, grabbing their hips and turning them around to catch them in a kiss. Freed smiled against Laxus’ lips, then broke away from him, grabbing his hand and tugging him down the path toward the water.

“How’re you feelin’?” Laxus asked, twining their fingers together as they walked. The sun was setting and it made everything feel peaceful, the trees lit with a soft golden haze and their shadows stretching behind them.

“Surreal,” Freed replied, squeezing his hand. “I think I need to sleep for a week.” Laxus hummed in agreement, kicking a rock down the path. They were almost at the shore of the lake, and Freed could see the campfire crackling through the trees. This was their end of camp tradition – spending the last evening sitting under the stars.

Laxus grabbed Freed’s hands suddenly, turning to face them and staring into their eyes. “I’m proud of you,” he said softly. “Things have been really hard lately and you’ve been amazing. You know how much I love you, right?”

Freed felt their cheeks flush and they ducked their head, staring at the ground. “I do,” they said softly. “I don’t feel brave, though. Just confused, and overwhelmed, and kind of terrified.”

“But you’re doing all this anyway,” Laxus insisted, brushing a strand of hair away from their eyes. “You’re scared, but you’re still being you, and that’s amazing.”

He leaned in and kissed Freed, bringing one hand behind their head and keeping the other on their waist. The kiss was soft and gentle, and Freed melted into it, bringing their hands up to Laxus’ hair.

“Thank you,” Freed murmured as Laxus slipped his hands under their shirt, trailing fingers up their back as he pressed against them. The kiss deepened, Freed running their fingers down Laxus’ jaw and shivering at the sensation of his hands on their skin.

“Hey! We know you two are makin’ out back there!” Natsu’s voice floated through the trees and Laxus laughed against Freed’s lips, leaning back regretfully. “It’s swim time!”

“We’re comin’!” Laxus shouted back, leaning down to press one more kiss to Freed’s lips. “We’re pickin’ that back up when we get home,” he murmured. Freed hummed, running a hand through his hair. “C’mon, come watch me jump in a lake with a bunch of idiots.”

The two of them made their way down the path with their hands clasped tightly, and a warm, contented sensation spread through Freed’s chest. When they exited the trees and stepped onto the lakefront, they were greeted by everyone in various states of undress.

A shirtless and pants-less Gray had a similarly undressed Natsu in a headlock, while Sting looked on with amusement in his boxers and a t-shirt. Bix, wearing only boxers, had a hand resting on Ever’s elbow. She had her hair pinned up and was completely nude except her underwear, arms crossed over her bare breasts.

“Hurry it up!” she shouted, glaring at Ryos, who tugged his shirt over his head, proudly showing off his scars. “Let’s get in the fucking lake!”

“We had to wait for this asshole,” Natsu shouted at Laxus, finally breaking out of the headlock and immediately grabbing Gray around the waist. The two of them tussled in the background while Laxus unzipped his pants and kicked them off.

“Don’t let the fire burn out, babe,” he murmured, kissing Freed on the cheek.

They swallowed, gazing at the sun that was drifting lazily near the surface of the lake, spreading orange ripples towards the shore. They didn’t participate in this part of the tradition – they were the one who took pictures and made sure the fire was warm enough to dry everyone off when they came back. The only person who’d seen them anywhere close to naked since they were a child was Laxus.

“Actually...” they said softly, catching Laxus’ hand as he tugged his sweater off and tossed it on the ground. Laxus frowned, squeezing their fingers.

“You okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Freed said, fingers pinching the bottom of their shirt hesitantly. This year – they were different, now. They’d overcome the things that terrified them, they’d purged the toxicity from their life, they’d... grown. Changed.

“I’m... I’m coming too.” They let go of Laxus’ hand and reached down to their shorts, undoing the button. They could see Laxus’ eyes widen in surprise and they attempted to ignore it as they dropped their shorts to the ground and kicked them into the pile with Laxus’ clothes.

“Really?” Freed could tell Laxus was trying not to sound surprised. Freed nodded stubbornly, fingers resting hesitantly on the bottom of their hoodie. They weren’t binding today, and under the sweater was nothing other than the body they were born with. A ball of fear started to expand in their chest.

“You two are too slow!” Freed’s eyes flicked over to Natsu, who had escaped from Gray’s grapple hold and was gesturing towards the lake. “C’mon you guys, they can catch up. Last one in does the dishes for a week!” He grinned at Freed, who thanked him silently. Then Natsu turned, pushed Gray down into the sand, and ran into the lake, laughing at his husband.

“For an idiot, he’s kind of perceptive,” Laxus mused, shaking his head at Natsu. Freed huffed, turning to Laxus and pulling him in for a kiss. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Freed said softly, closing their eyes for a moment. “I need this.” Then they tugged their sweater swiftly over their head and tossed it in the pile, exhaling sharply. Laxus’ hand on their bare shoulder was reassuring and they crossed their arms over their chest self-consciously.

“I’m gonna see if I can land on Natsu,” Laxus said, squeezing Freed’s arm as they made their way towards the long dock. “Wanna help?” Freed snorted.

“Sure,” they said softly, slowly uncrossing their arms and forcing themself to keep their eyes open. This was okay. “You go first.” Laxus gave them a concerned look but they pressed a kiss to his cheek, whispering _I love you_ and pushing him toward the end of the pier.

Laxus grinned, then took a running leap and very nearly landed on Natsu’s head, sending out an enormous wave of water that hit both Gray and Sting in the face. They both sputtered, shaking the water from their hair as Natsu managed to jump on Laxus’ back and drag him under the surface of the lake. Ever was further out, water up to her chest, and was describing the scene to Bix, who was laughing with his head thrown back.

Freed smiled fondly, then glanced over to Ryos, who was standing waist-deep, far enough away from the battle to avoid being hit in the face. Ryos smiled, gesturing for Freed to join them.

Freed exhaled, letting the nervous tension escape their body and tugging the contentment back into place. They could do this. This was their family – their mixed-up, crazy, messy family where everyone had been bruised and broken and had put themselves back together.

Freed exhaled and took off running, feet pounding on the wood of the pier, heart hammering with equal parts terror and exhilaration.

Then their feet left the edge of the dock and the water came rushing up toward them as they closed their eyes and jumped right in. 


End file.
